How Would it Feel?

I was only six,
Didn't know what to do,
When he gave me some kicks,
It made me feel blue.

He was my dad so I loved him,
But he didn't know the effect,
I was up to the brim,
Of being there three days:
Of being beaten;
And hurt;
And being called names.

Putting up with it for years,
No one having any ideas,
But at the breaking point,
You just have to say,
STOP.

I made a mistake and put a knife to my wrist,
The worst possible thing,
The most shocking thing,
Is that it made me feel better.

Years after trying to stop,
The addiction still burning,
It hurt a lot,
It was all about learning.