I Need Your Love So Badly It Hurts

My room was dark, and in bed I lay, restless, but wanting to fall asleep.
I pondered the thought which I had so many times before, that thought about life, about death, and what happens next.
I wrap my arms around a pillow and close my eyes, pretending you are there holding me, calming me, helping me sleep.
But you are not there.

You’re just a fragment in my mind, the only thing I think about most day.
Sometimes I dream about you and me really being together, you kissing me and comforting me when I feel so alone in the world. that’s all I’d ever want.
This darkness, darkness cascades over me,
But I still feel your arms around me, whispering in my ear softly, helping me sleep again.
Yet you really are not there.

And when you leave, I’ve got no one to talk to.
Your company is the best I know.
But I’ll run out of things to talk about; its awkward and you leave. I get angry with myself.
But we are nothing more than a dream, right?
I’ll tell myself all good dreams will be fulfilled one day.
And then I say-don’t try to make a dream a reality if there’s no real possibility…
You will never be here.