I'd Do Anything to be Open-Minded

panic attacks bloom in the dark
like yards of a fancy train
unfolding and rippling across the ballroom floor.
she's pressed against the plaster,
against the bricks and drywall and glass
as her ability to think rationally
is violently disowned from her being.

she thinks, i promise i won't let it out.
ever. ever, ever.

the madness descends gracefully upon her form
like vultures tucking napkins into their collars,
using forks and knives to incise and dismember their prey.
the decisive drop and swish of a curtain -
show's over.

show's
over.

she thinks, i can keep this all in, all this bitterness,
anger, hate, resentment.
they say it's bad for you.
i don't care.
let it kill me from the inside -
i'd do anything to be open-minded,
i'd do anything to be the understanding one who's always there.
god, are you listening? i'd do anything.

i'm open-minded,
i'm happy,
i've figured out the secret to life.
so what if i'm dying on the inside?
that's not what you're seeing, is it, honey?

she bites her lips, her
red, red lips,
and keeps her promise to the very end
as her lungs start moving
her blood and her heart
fills with air.