Clowns Face

"Clowns Face"

I open my eyes,
Too see that I'm nothing but deprived,

I'm a fake,
And all I seem to do is take, and take
I've given up,
On trying to cure my hate,
I've given up,
Nothing left of everything I've wanted, it's all too late

I asked for a simple break,
But I guess that was just too much to ask,
Someone once said,
I'm being selfish,
And I'm just a little to stiff,

That same person also called me a hateful bitch,

I've wanted to hate you,
As much as I hate myself,
But that wouldn't do,
I guess I just love you,

Down, is the only place you've ever pushed me,
And up is the only place you've prevented me to stay,

Don't worry dear,
It's nothing personal,
I just hate you because you're beautiful,

Maybe it’s the fact that I expect too much,
Or maybe it's to the reason,
That you never cared as much,

I want to feel so weak,
And all I want to do is let my eyes leak,
But I can't,
And I bundle it inside,
I never had a clear mind,
I have so much potential,
But I don't know how to bring it out,
My eyes shouting out,
I need help,
And so do you,
I tried to help you,
But you rather feel pain, and live on to say how much your friends hated you,
Or how much you've been betrayed,
So I guess I understand if you want it to be this way,

But I want help,
And I want you to be there when I'm down in dark,
I want your shoulder,
And I want some of your heart,

But I know,
That I'll never be the girl who gets to be loved,
Or the girl who has everything going for her,
I'll be the one working hard,
And being broken into shards,
I'll try,
Until I eventually break down,
Hiding behind this face I like to call a clown's.