penny for a thought?

I don't know how I can express this
so I'll do it this way; this is the way I know
this is the way I feel. In Poetry.

I stop my music for a second
to hear my own thoughts. I can hear them
now. My fingers slide across this keyboard

and they know what they want to say. The passage
from my brain to my heart got frozen
eight days ago. nothing more, nothing less.
I'm not sure what happened, but I don't want
to talk to you about it. I've never been one for
talking it out. Sure, i talk a lot. But it never matters

it's just words, that come out like vomit.
I don't want this to come out like vomit.
Vomit is disguisting, I've experienced what
it can do. It will break this. Make this worse

I could film a video to prove it.
But is proof what we need?
No. No. Proof means disbelief.

and I think I'm ready to believe.

This happened before
the vomit.
It escaped and ruined everything

It was cleaned up a month later
but there were still stains.
In my heart and in my head

there were stains.
Stains that changed the way i thought.
Stains that changed my actions.

The stains I gained from the split
they didn't help either.
Seeing my two idols split up,

I don't idolise either anymore.
That probably ruined it more.

I'm broken, can't you see?