What Have I Gained?

All this effort and what have I gained?
Friends that aren't friends
Lovers that don't love
People who don't see
me as one of them.

All these tears and what have I gained?
Feelings that I can't feel
Senses that I can't sense
Warnings that I can't heed
of my own danger

All these days and what have I gained?
Memories that I don't want to remember
Thoughts that I don't want to think
A life that I
Just don't want to live.