vicariously through myself

apparitions of you standing there
surprising me in wee hours
cute little smirk
and those adoring eyes

fireplace kisses
and 'you're beautiful's' in my ear
Vacant scenes
playing out in my mind
as i sit here alone...
thoughts imprisoned.

you listened
you cared
was it an act?
of course.
did i know?
of course.
But I play pretend well.

Your headlights approaching
my heart flutters.
I wait for the sound of the door
and your smug, cocky grin.

I remember how you held me
I remember how you looked at me
for one night I lived vicariously through myself.

Then we went from the bed to the car.
Then to smiling like strangers.

That was my Edward.