Smile, Sweetheart

Smiles...

My smiles,
will never be anything more,
than a deluded lie.

They say the eyes are the windows to one's soul.
I have, I guess you could call them, courtains.
I'm always happy to the eyes of these people.

None of my 'friends' have ever seen me for what I am.
The person I never want them to see.

I care about them too much,
yet not at all.
I just don't want them to see the monster I am.

I hide in my room,
with a razor in my hands,
too afraid to do anything with it.

I'm such a coward.

I can't cut.

Not again.

Whe I stopped I promised myself I wouldn't start over.

I refuse to break that promise.

I value my life.

Lie.

I don't care if I die.

No one'll miss me anyways.

Will I miss any of them?

My 'friends'...would I care if they died?

I don't really know...

I'll just keep on smiling.

Even if I don't mean it,

maybe one day...

My smiles will actually mean something.