Thoughts Before Death

Is this feeling deep in me,
Something that can set me free?
Or will it drag me down,
Until in my blood, I am found?

First, before I decide,
On my heart I must scribe.
Untill upon my dying bed,
This alone I shall not dread.

Someone tell me if this is love,
I only trust the gods above.
I want the pain that comes from steel,
Someone tell me if this is real.

I don't have my lighter, only blades.
As I bleed, my life fades.
I need help, I know this now.
Help me? No one knows how.