I am a Coward
I am a coward
And I'll be the first to admit it
I'll say it again if it helps
I am a coward
See, i'm constantly running
Constantly hiding
Unable to face the things i fear most
which, sadly is everything
I'm afraid of the dark
I'm afraid of spiders
I'm afraid of the truth
I'm afraid of lies
I'm afraid of trusting
Then being betrayed
I'm afraid of remembering
I'm afraid I'll forget
I'm afraid of you
And I'm afraid of me
I'm afraid to let people see
That I'm not what I appear
All I feel is fear
And pain
And Hate
And sadness
With a little bit of happiness thrown in
Just to mess with my mind
Sometimes my greatest fear is the dark
Sometimes its you
You, with your smiles
And your confidence
You scare the hell out of me
And So I run
And I hide
I show false confidence
And smile back
And laugh
And pretend that I mean it
And fear that you'll see through it
So I act like a blown up hyperbole of who I am
I'm a bit of a goofball
So I act like a nut case
I'm somewhat crazy
so I act insane
Sometimes I don't know how to act
And it amazes me that you,
You, with your smile
And your confidence
You are willing to be my friend
When I act insane
And like a nutball
And sometimes I'm quiet
Lost in thoughts I could never share
But you are willing
And I'm glad
Sometimes my greatest fear is the dark
Sometimes it's you
Mostly, it's me
Me, with my secrets
And my pains
And the forgoten memories
Just begging to be remembered
I don't want to remember
Don't want to go back
Those memories,
They can hold nothing but pain
Nothing but more hate
Why would anyone want them
So I keep them behind a locked door
In a dark corner of my mind
But you can't run from yourself
You are always with you
Speaking as you run
So I hide from myself
I hide in a book
Or a blank page
Or in a TV show
Anything that catches my attention
And doesnt require much thought
Or only requires a bit of thought
Anything to keep the memories from coming back
But it's not perfect
Sometimes a memory escapes
Comes back
Becomes real
It's how I remember Him
And why I hate him
And why I hate myself
He's why I fear the dark
And I fear silence
And I fear myself
And I fear you
He took so much from me
And he gave nothing in return
But I want nothing from him
Him, with his wandering hand
And his forceful lips
He, who took my trust
And my ability to trust freely
He, who I hate
And can't hate
He, who makes me hate myself
Makes me feel disgusting
And wrong
He, who took so much
Him, who I'll never forgive
Not so long as I'm running
And hiding
And refusing to rememeber
He, who can smile with those lips
And who uses his hands
Those weapons that He used
To bring me to Hell
I am a coward
I say nothing
I run
And I hide
And I say nothing to no one
Especially
Especially if they can help
I am a coward
I'll be the first to admit it
And I'll say it again if it helps
I am a coward
See, I'm constantly running
Constantly hiding
Afraid to face the things I fear most
Which, sadly, is everything
I'm afraid of the dark
I'm afraid of spiders
I'm afraid of silence
I'm afraid of being alone
I'm afraid to be with people
I'm afraid to trust
Then have that trust betrayed
I'm afraid of lies
I'm afraid of the truth
I'm afraid of remembering
I'm afraid I'll forget
I'm afraid of you
And I'm afraid of me
And I'm afraid of HIm
I'm afraid of love
I'm afraid of hate
I'm afraid of forgiving
I'm afraid of fear
I'm afraid
I'm afraid
I'm afraid, I'm afraid, I'm afraid
I am a coward
It's unmistakeable
A fact of life
An undeniable truth
I am a coward
And I'll be the first to admit it
I'll say it again if it helps
I am a coward
See, i'm constantly running
Constantly hiding
Unable to face the things i fear most
which, sadly is everything
I'm afraid of the dark
I'm afraid of spiders
I'm afraid of the truth
I'm afraid of lies
I'm afraid of trusting
Then being betrayed
I'm afraid of remembering
I'm afraid I'll forget
I'm afraid of you
And I'm afraid of me
I'm afraid to let people see
That I'm not what I appear
All I feel is fear
And pain
And Hate
And sadness
With a little bit of happiness thrown in
Just to mess with my mind
Sometimes my greatest fear is the dark
Sometimes its you
You, with your smiles
And your confidence
You scare the hell out of me
And So I run
And I hide
I show false confidence
And smile back
And laugh
And pretend that I mean it
And fear that you'll see through it
So I act like a blown up hyperbole of who I am
I'm a bit of a goofball
So I act like a nut case
I'm somewhat crazy
so I act insane
Sometimes I don't know how to act
And it amazes me that you,
You, with your smile
And your confidence
You are willing to be my friend
When I act insane
And like a nutball
And sometimes I'm quiet
Lost in thoughts I could never share
But you are willing
And I'm glad
Sometimes my greatest fear is the dark
Sometimes it's you
Mostly, it's me
Me, with my secrets
And my pains
And the forgoten memories
Just begging to be remembered
I don't want to remember
Don't want to go back
Those memories,
They can hold nothing but pain
Nothing but more hate
Why would anyone want them
So I keep them behind a locked door
In a dark corner of my mind
But you can't run from yourself
You are always with you
Speaking as you run
So I hide from myself
I hide in a book
Or a blank page
Or in a TV show
Anything that catches my attention
And doesnt require much thought
Or only requires a bit of thought
Anything to keep the memories from coming back
But it's not perfect
Sometimes a memory escapes
Comes back
Becomes real
It's how I remember Him
And why I hate him
And why I hate myself
He's why I fear the dark
And I fear silence
And I fear myself
And I fear you
He took so much from me
And he gave nothing in return
But I want nothing from him
Him, with his wandering hand
And his forceful lips
He, who took my trust
And my ability to trust freely
He, who I hate
And can't hate
He, who makes me hate myself
Makes me feel disgusting
And wrong
He, who took so much
Him, who I'll never forgive
Not so long as I'm running
And hiding
And refusing to rememeber
He, who can smile with those lips
And who uses his hands
Those weapons that He used
To bring me to Hell
I am a coward
I say nothing
I run
And I hide
And I say nothing to no one
Especially
Especially if they can help
I am a coward
I'll be the first to admit it
And I'll say it again if it helps
I am a coward
See, I'm constantly running
Constantly hiding
Afraid to face the things I fear most
Which, sadly, is everything
I'm afraid of the dark
I'm afraid of spiders
I'm afraid of silence
I'm afraid of being alone
I'm afraid to be with people
I'm afraid to trust
Then have that trust betrayed
I'm afraid of lies
I'm afraid of the truth
I'm afraid of remembering
I'm afraid I'll forget
I'm afraid of you
And I'm afraid of me
And I'm afraid of HIm
I'm afraid of love
I'm afraid of hate
I'm afraid of forgiving
I'm afraid of fear
I'm afraid
I'm afraid
I'm afraid, I'm afraid, I'm afraid
I am a coward
It's unmistakeable
A fact of life
An undeniable truth
I am a coward