Broken and seeping

You told me,
I'm like a cup,
Broken,
And seeping.

You pour water,
Into me,
But I spew,
It back into your face.

I'm ungratful,
Not heeding your words.

And you're right,
I am a broken cup.

I am ungratful,
Not heeding your words,
But I'm not meaning,
To let your,
Words fall on deaf ears,
I am ignorant,
Not understanding,
There true meaning,
Not knowing how,
To take your advice.

But this time is diffrent,
This time,
I understand,
I AM a BROKEN,
SEEPING cup,
And I NEED to be shattered,
Before I always thought,
I had to hold strong,
Keep it all together,
I didn't know,
Breaking was an option,
I didn't know it was,
The thing I needed to do.

I need to allow myself,
To fall apart,
I need to stop,
Pretending to be strong,
I need to let myself,
Fall apart at the seams.

And though,
The thought of it,
Scares me,
Half to death,
I will let myself,
Fall apart.

You said,
I wouldn't do it,
I said,
I will,
You don't belive me,
But trust me...
You will.

I am broken and seeping,
I need to be shattered,
And broken,
I need to be swept up,
And melted back together,
Just you wait and see,
That's just what,
I'm going to allow.

I'm going to stop,
Holding it all in,
For once in my life,
I'm not going to be strong,
I'm not going to care,
Who sees me cry,
I'm not going to care,
What people think of me.

I'm going to be me,
I'm going to shatter,
I'm going to break,
I'm going to allow,
My weaknesses,
To show through,
And I'm not going to care,
Who sees them.

I'm going to shatter Nikki!
I'm going to break,
I'm going to let God,
Remake me,
I'm going to let Him,
Reshape me,
I'm going to let go,
I'm going to let God,
Take control,
I'm going to let go,
I'm going to give him,
The book and the pen.

You may not believe me now,
But you wait and see,
I'm going to shatter,
I'm going to break,
And I'm going to,
Let God reshape,
The mess I've made of my life.

I'm Broken and seeping,
But I'm going to shatter,
I'm going to break,
And I'm going to let God,
Take me,
And remake me,
Just you,
Wait and see.