I am lying

I deny the truth,
pretending everyday
that it will be okay,
that time will make it fade,
that it will never be to late,
to stop,
pretending that I'm not afraid,
of the mess I see
staring back at me
every single time.

I realize, I've been weak,
all along.
The pain is much to strong
but so is the truth.
I choose to believe.
There is nothing wrong.
Ignoring reality,
I took the liberty,
to believe,
in all the lies you ever told,
making me survive this cruel joke.

I'm not crying.
In reality I'm dying.
I can't handle the truth,
it's getting harder to breathe.
My fantasies are disappearing,
from underneath my tired feet.
I keep on running,
fearing,
who I really am.
I keep on lying.

My own destiny I seal ,
pretending that I don't feel,
insanity seeping in to me.
Imprisoned by my truth.
I pretend to be free,
while I slowly suffocate
in the pain I stupidly create
every fucking day.
At this rate
it will soon be to late
and I'll be on my way.
I no longer want to stay,
I'll just have to wait,
pretending to have faith.
I will keep trying.
but once again,
I
am
lying...