Cutting and self harm or something

In the life of a cutter,
It's the same as a druggie,
They think about the next fix,
When will the pain go away,
When will they be able to escape from reality,
Even for a moment,
They think about the tools,
Razor blades,
Scizzors,
Finger nails,
Knives,
Anything sharp,
I think back to the first slice,
When I became addicted,
When the disease grew,
Bigger.
And bigger,
Until cutting was all I could to to suppress the pain,
The hunger for the self harm,
Does that make me crazy that sometimes I WANT to die?
In highschool I was a freak,
Is that all I'll ever be?
All I do is worry,
Worry that someone will find out,
What will they say?
Call me a freak?
A wristcutter?
Vampire?
And all I want to do is die....