A Moment When Peace is Recognizable

First time in so long that I'm here,
caught between these two odds.
Remembering and forgetting
what it is to be loved and to love.
I spend these hours lonely.
The walk was blissful and quiet
and only my shadow was beside me
in waters drifting by.
Gaining ground by the second,
gone before I realize it's there.
It's cold. Dark. Unknown.
And the sensation is tickling
The nerves at my figertips.
It calls my name and for a second
I want nothing more than to be submerged.
Until I remember my place-
the place that now only seems
like an old friend haunting me.
The sun is warm,
The breeze, unconstraint.
I can't seem to find my way back.
But maybe I'm just realizing that
I never wanted to be there to begin with.