Dieing disease

Is it sick to know,
I still think of the ways
to allow my body to go?

I have been trying my best
to improve everything about myself
but it appeared to be worthless.

I worked hard and labored all day
but for all you think of me
I might as well fade away.

Its like everything I achieve is wrong
and you wonder why I am usually by myself
its because I'm singing my favorite song
so I can save my from myself.

I tend to find myself thinking.
Do I forget it all and have fun
Or improve it all and get fixing.

I never know what to do
all I ever tried was to impress you

You never accepted me
even with better grades
and even changing me.

I tried to compromise
but with all the rockiness
I cant help but demise.

I think of all the times you've said cruel things
I think of all the times I was innocent
I think of all the times I nearly gave up.

The only thing thats not making me lose my sanity.
Is the future I know I have held for me.
I will prove you wrong.

But still I find alarming thoughts
I think its time to fix it
but I know times like these would destroy all I got.

Its the little things like these
That make me have the dieing disease.