The Life I Never Wanted

A half life a double life
It's hardly worth the trouble
The lies I create to save myself
Are really just digging my grave

I smile and laugh till you are gone
I run away, be and do what I want
I escape the world, blast away my ears
Is this the life I want?

But tomorrow I obey her commands
I sweat and work with a smile
I go with you to raise my hands in praise
I give money, though I don’t have enough

Soon I find I have been living
Not a double but triple life
And so on it grows, my many faces
When will the torment end?

I know one day I’ll have to give in
But the longer I wait the harder it gets
Perhaps I'll make my change a subtle one
And no one would know the difference

I don’t want to fake anymore
I hate myself for doing so
I’ve cried and bled behind the doors
I can't take it any longer

I'm sorry, and again I say I'm sorry
For not being true to you
I wish it could have been different
More than you can imagine

I still wont tell you everything
But know just this one thing
I am still the same person…
Just with a different state of mind