The Life I Lead
I am condemned to a life of misery, for the Hate is eating, munching, gnawing at my heart.
The smiles and Love are being thrown in my direction but I sadly dodge the Joy and keep walking.
I don’t deserve the Love or the Joy or the Care.
I don’t even deserve the Hate the Pain or the Abandonment.
I deserve nothing.
I don’t know the Love.
The Joy is not an acquaintance.
The Care is not a friend.
I am lonely, I am lost, I am alone.
But I keep on trudging my way through the raining glass, hoping that the clouds will part and the Magic will leak into my paper skin, into my cave, into the organ that is steadily beating, ‘kill me, kill me, kill me’.
Acceptance is not an action or a feeling or even a word.
It is a Choice that we all have to make.
I push away the Good, push away the Bad, and welcome the dry, sandpapery Dark that claws and stabs its way out of my black heart, tears up my rib cage, and scrapes and climbs to break away from my soulless, broken body only to be swallowed once again, washed down with the tears of Ache and Selfishness.
This is the Life, this is the Path, chosen or not, that I carry on my back.
And darling, let me tell you, my smile is only me baring my teeth, fooling you all.
The smiles and Love are being thrown in my direction but I sadly dodge the Joy and keep walking.
I don’t deserve the Love or the Joy or the Care.
I don’t even deserve the Hate the Pain or the Abandonment.
I deserve nothing.
I don’t know the Love.
The Joy is not an acquaintance.
The Care is not a friend.
I am lonely, I am lost, I am alone.
But I keep on trudging my way through the raining glass, hoping that the clouds will part and the Magic will leak into my paper skin, into my cave, into the organ that is steadily beating, ‘kill me, kill me, kill me’.
Acceptance is not an action or a feeling or even a word.
It is a Choice that we all have to make.
I push away the Good, push away the Bad, and welcome the dry, sandpapery Dark that claws and stabs its way out of my black heart, tears up my rib cage, and scrapes and climbs to break away from my soulless, broken body only to be swallowed once again, washed down with the tears of Ache and Selfishness.
This is the Life, this is the Path, chosen or not, that I carry on my back.
And darling, let me tell you, my smile is only me baring my teeth, fooling you all.