Twilight - An Ambitious Swing, A Disappointing Miss

I'd planned to see Twilight at midnight. I'd decided to sacrifice five and a half hours of sleep to finally see what was, easily, one of the top-five most anticipated releases of 2008, but my parents shut my plan down on grounds that legal curfew for under-twenty-ones around these parts is eleven-thirty, and I've had my driver's license less than a year. I was livid. Not only had I watched Stephenie Meyer's website for movie updates since the very beginning (anyone else remember Henry Cavill?), but I've been a faithful fan of the Twilight Series since its first release in 2005. I figured that being one of the first to see the big screen graced with Edward Cullen's (quite literally) sparkling face would be a good way ease the heartbreak of the end of the popular series back in August.

Wrong, Bixby. Wrong.

Instead of seeing the movie at midnight, I went at noon Saturday. I have to say, I'm glad I'd gotten the few hours of extra sleep Thursday night, and I made sure to thank my parents for their denial. The film was ineffably disappointing, almost to the point of nausea and laughter at the most serious points in the plot.

In complete honesty, the film's greatest downfall was its total lack of the Cullen family. I had expected wondrously heart-warming scenes of Bella with the friendly coven, glorious moments spent watching the family in their beautiful Victorian-style farmhouse, and chuckling at the so-human-yet-so-not lifestyles of modern literature's favorite undead family. What did I get? An art-deco house in the woods, an attempted Italian dinner, and Rosalie shattering a salad bowl.

Wait, what?

The most interesting scene that actually included the entire Cullen family was the baseball game, which, coincidentally, doubles as the scene where things started to get good. I couldn't help but grin at the moment where Edward and Emmett collide mid-air, then fall to the ground and exchange in brotherly dialog.

I reserve my opinion that Robert Pattinson, while no Henry Cavill, wasn't bad. His American accent was spot-on, and, in most cases, he captured my imagined facade of Edward Cullen quite well. Most blunders in plot line or script involving Mr. Pattinson-Cullen were work of production crew and faulty direction, so I cannot bring myself to place the blame on his exquisite head.

Kristen Stewart pleasantly surprised me, also. She captured moments of Bella's disbelief and uncertainty very well, not to mention that she is almost exactly how I pictured the absurdly relatable main character - minus about thirty pounds.

Ashley Greene looked like she was trying too hard for the entirety of her five minutes on screen, and Jackson Rathbone looked almost too ridiculous for words. And what in the world happened to the southern accent? Wasn't that, in theory, supposed to be one of the most vital points to his character?

Kellan Lutz was absolutely godly, and I mourned the lost "She's not one of us, Edward" scene which had been featured in one of the many teaser trailers. (I would, admittedly, take Emmett over Edward any day).

Nikki Reed was fine, though the most remarkable thing about her was her shoes. Many kudos to the costume department, there.

A small aside that I figure fits best here, I also felt an overwhelming wave of affection when I realized that the woman sitting in the Diner behind a laptop was Mrs. Stephenie Meyer, herself. She has to be one of the most adorable people in the world. Well, in the spotlight, anyway. I was glad to see her in the movie; she deserved it more than half the other people that were. Cheers, Steph!

As far as everyone else goes, I was either too busy suppressing hysterical laughter at their horrid performances or hadn't seen enough of them to pass judgment.

Easily the most striking thing about the film was the electricity between Stewart and Pattinson. While I don't condone the fact that they basically had a full-on make-out session in a bed - mostly because the book specifically says that such things are basically a physical impossibility for Edward... until Eclipse, at least -, I almost fell out of my chair while watching. Kristen and Rob just seem to have this incredible connection between them that not only screamed 'Edward and Bella', it left me screaming "OHGOD, ROB, LEAVE CAMILLA BECAUSE KRISTEN'S CUTER ANYWAY".

I was pleased with production's choice to film on location in Forks, Washington. Top notch setting. Hollywood could never recreate such natural atmosphere, and I'm glad they didn't even try. On the other hand, the quality of said filming was equivalent to my eight-year-old sister using a hand-held camcorder. While I understand that Twilight was a low-budget film, I rather wish that some priorities had been rearranged. Maybe funding could have been taken from the ridiculous Cullen future-home and given to the special effects department?

"Oh, hey, let's film Rob standing there, shake the camera a little bit, pan over some trees, then film him standing over there. People will get it: he moves damn fast."

Right.

I suppose one of the most important things to keep in mind is the fact that, no matter who was cast, no matter who directed, no matter who wrote out the screenplay, there was no way this movie wasn't going to be disappointing. Like every other Twilight fan on the face of the planet, I had my own mental pictures of how things should be. Bella's house should have been further from the street, Jacob should have been taller, Edward shouldn't have looked like he'd been hit by a car while lying in the meadow with his true love...

In a perfect world, events and characters would have been perfectly parallel to those in the book, but, sadly, we're quite a long way from perfect.

I read today on Stephenie's website that New Moon is in pre-production, though there's no estimated release date listed. If the sequel is destined to follow in its predecessor's footsteps quality-wise, it's fairly safe to say that I won't be missing a few hours of sleep to get an early look. I can wait a day. Or four...

Oh well. For now, I'll heave a heavy sigh and bury my nose in Twilight for the umpteenth time. The pictures in my head are way better, anyway.