Twilight Saga: Eclipse

From Dracula to Interview with a Vampire, it’s easy to say that vampire novels are probably the most enticing and thrilling works of literature out there. That is, of course, until you’ve read Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight series. Because this is a review of the recently released Eclipse, I’ll keep the ranting about her two dimensional characters and insanely boring plotline to a minimal.

As expected, a haphazard line was formed in front of the theatre with the giant poster of Meyer’s characters, Bella, Edward and, Jacob. The famously infamous love triangle of our generation. The first thing that ran through my head as I sat in front of the giant screen, with my popcorn balanced strategically on my knees, was that age did not matter when it came to Twilight. Women well over their thirties were seated all around the theatre with giddy expressions and either Team Edward or Team Jacob t-shirts.

Second, was that Meyer really needs to wrap her mind around the oh-so-subtle fact that Edward Cullen—the story’s leading man—is a vampire. A vampire! That word alone leads to a life of danger, violence, and crazy vampire sex. Why is it, then, that the movie seemed more like a soap opera with as little smiling as possible from the actors? Granted, the director and screenwriter didn’t have much to work with when it came down to actually filming a story about a Mary-Sue character catching the eye of the greatest man on the planet, whom also happens to be a sympathetic, kind, handsome member of the un-dead.

The plot of this instalment of the Twilight Saga was that Victoria (the lover of the evil vampire James, from the first film) creates an army of blood-thirsty, newborn vampires in order to kill Bella and hurt Edward as much as he had hurt her. The cinematography was nothing special. I wasn’t exactly sure what I was expecting after the first and second films, but David Slade kept the colour pallet of the film as dark and depressing as Kristen Stewart’s only expression. The fight scenes between the Cullens, the wolves, and the newborns were—admittedly—very action packed and entertaining. Even though I had read the third novel prior to watching the film, I was still on the edge of my seat as the vampires and wolves fought to the death.

There’s not much to say about a movie modelled after one of the dullest vampire books in history. The only thing that really turned me off from the film was the insane close-ups of the actors, whom were obviously told to keep their expressions as sullen as possible. That—and the fact that a few too many words were said in awkward mumbles—were what had me agreeing to wait until the DVD release if I ever wanted to see Taylor Lautner’s muscular chest again.