Challenge At The Monkey Bars - Comments

Hello! This is all just my own opinion. I'm not a pubbed author. Take it or leave it :)

" You didn’t imagine it" the man turned around and kept on (delete) walking down the street. Hanson just (delete) stood there. He felt like yelling after the man, but decided not to.(delete) (New par) It was early morning November 5th; it was already icy on the ground. The winter came early this year, earlier than before anyway.(delete)
Nothing around Hanson was moving, he felt dead. The man whom had talked to him was the only sign that Trellwiig wasn’t a ghost town. But how could Hanson know he was not dead and all alone? The naked trees stood still, not one lick of wind.(in these passages, you say in two different ways that Hanson felt dead and that nothing is moving) He looked down and saw some water crinkle beneath him, in the sewers.
The pavement was slippery, and his shoes not very good for this time of the year.(before you say the weather is unusual for this time of year - surely it would be possible for him to put the wrong kind of shoes on?) He turned around and jumped when he saw his own reflection in the shop window. He walked closer, saw his face grow larger. His nose was touching the window, his breath fogged up the glass, and he wiped it clean, and for a split second he could swear he saw a red flash in his eyes, which were hidden behind a curtain of curly hair. (New par)He didn’t like having his hair down like that, but ever since the first flash he had hid his eyes, frightened that someone would see it. The first time he saw it he shrugged at it. The light was doing something weird. But it happened more and more. Now it happened every time he saw a reflection of himself. He kept on look still(sounds awkward, maybe change to "But she still kept looking", hoping the flash would linger a second more.(longer)
He wasn’t afraid. He was curious- He had thought someone was possessing him, but no. He had walked down to the library, borrowed all the books about dark omens, it was a surprising amount of books too. He read them, cover to cover. He found many things similar to what he had, but not all the same.(awkward again)
He turned away from the window, and felt like something was lunging at him from the darkness behind the window, he leapt to the other side of the pavement, turned around and felt relived. Whatever it was, I didn’t get him.

As he walked down the street he figured he had to look quite nostalgic, with his hands deep in his pockets, wandering slowly, just looking at the town(delete). It had been some time since he had last been to Trellwiig, 7 years now. He hadn’t missed it too much, the trees he missed. And the clear air. And all the stars you could see. He took a deep breath and felt dizzy. He looked up into the sky, asking, pleading for answers. But they did not fall from the sky. A star fell, and he made a wish. He wished he could know the truth about how he ended up in this situation. For many minutes he just stood there. Breathing. Living. Dying. He walked, stones crumbled under his feet. That was the only sound. He reached the school he had once gone to. He hated this school. His palms got sweaty. He clutched the fence, surrounding the school. The iron gates, which had locked him inside this hell. Every day the other kids beat him. Oh, how he hated the sight of it. He laughed; a monkey bar gave him more bad memories then anything. How many times had he not been pushed of it? (I think you really need to go over this par and decide what is needed and what is not. I think there is a lot of information in there that is not needed, and a lot of sentences that contradict each other) (New Par)Falling to the ground, he could still hear the kids laughing.(New par) He climbed over the fence, walking slowly towards the monkey bars. He gasped for air. Why was this so hard? He felt weak in the knees. He was going to do something he had never done before. He was going to climb the monkey bars. He got up, and let himself go. He shivered. His body shook. One hand, then the other one. Again he did it. He was over before he could really feel it, so he did it again. And again. And again. He laughed, finally! Yes! He did it!(delete)
A cat reached his feet. It sat down and looked at him. Hanson stopped laughing.(delete) Within one second(delete) he froze, like the temperature dropped. The cat had the same red flash in its eyes. Those emerald green, turned rubin(ruby) red, then it was gone. Hanson fell to the ground again. Like a rock.(delete) He crawled down on the hard ground, on all four. He bent down, and looked in the cat’s eyes, closely. But nothing more than a reflection of his own face met him. The cat however,(delete) just sat there. Looking back at him with a curious look. He figured if a person would look out the window now, it would look silly, him being on the ground, having a staring competition with a cat. But then again, Who would look out of their window this early?
The cat purred and blinked slowly, like it was enjoying itself. Hanson poked it with his finger. It didn't move! He said; "Hello? Why are you staring at me like that, you freak cat!" The cat blinked again. Hanson hissed, just like a cat. He tried miauing too. But the cat sat still. "Can you answer me? I don't like being stared at. It creeps me out!" (every new piece of dialogue needs its own paragraph)
It blinked again. "I could answer you, but it was fun teasing you first"
Hanson jumped to his feet. "What!? You speak?! I'm nuts. I'm done. I'll have to kill myself. I'm loosing(losing) my friggin mind!"
The cat replied calmly: "You have not lost your mind"
"SHUT UP!" He ran over to the monkey bars, grabbed a pole and bashed his head into it.
The cat looked at Hanson, as he fell to the ground unconscious. It snickered. Then it walked away.