1921 - Comments

Dear lord, you are quite fantastic. The reason I never write fanfics is because I'm afraid I won't get the characters right and I'll just get murdered for it. [Save for the Joker, but that's gone now. >.<] But dear, you are quite fantastic. You really know how to get into a character's head and feel him or her out. I think this was marvelous, and honestly one of the best stories I've read on mibba, Twilight or not. It's so hard for me to find a write who actually uses emotion and description and you got this down. It makes me want to read all of your stories to see if you do in fact write like this for every thing you write. If you do, that really shows a great writer. So ten stars for me, you fully deserve to win that contest. :]

~the Artist

I think.

That Stephanie Meyers couldn't have wrote it better herself. This is probably the first twific I've read and enjoyed. I loved how you got the being of Edward there, his vocabulary and his thought processes. I like that you didn't stray from 1st person not one bit.

I also like how Carlisle acted in the story, him finding Esme. I find it neat that you pieced that whole in the story about him. It's mainly what drew me to pick this out of your stories to review.

I also appreciate your matching things parts up with the actual story. At least it seemed that way to me. If she were to let you finish the rest of the books in Edwards' point of view, I would read them. Your description was just amazing, how things looked, and felt from his point.

I thank you for writing this, it has made my week.
And I shall now be reading some more of your stories.

:arms:

Absolutely beautiful. That's all I can say. My friend and I had bashed Twilight since it came out, but I may give it a shot because of this. We thought it was terribly cliche, but if this is anything like the actual book I'll definitely read it. You're still absolutely amazing and I still covet your writing style. Of too read more.

oh my god. this is just...too much for words. I love you. This is beautiful.

This was great. A really good idea, too. It was sweet the way Carlisle spoke of Esme. Great job with it!

Double.

I reaally wanted to read this when I finally had time, and when I saw it needed reviewing in the Story/Review game that pretty much made my night.

First of all, you write Edward better than Stephenie Meyer. Ever since she went all snitty and refused to finish Midnight Sun now I was kinda sad, but this was so much better than that chapter she had posted on her website.

The insight, the detail... you really do see into Edwards head, at least I think so. I found it so amusing that he was so bored he'd try to sleep in the first place, that seems like such an Edward thing to do.

And how you portrayed his thirst! Bravo, honestly I've read fanfics that just murder Edward, but you really got him. How he struggles with it, and how he manages to control it when he sees Esme, really well done. I still think you write him better than Stephenie herself.

Details were fuzzy about some aspects of my life before I met him, and this was the only clear tune I could remember my mother teaching me before she died. I really loved this line, but I can't exactly explain why.

I loved how you handled Carlisle bringing Esme home. Like... it wasn't all OMG MEET UR NEW MOMMY. You actually put insight into it, and how everybody acted was just... gah, perfect. You can just sense how much Carlisle cares about Esme and Edward at the same time, really his heart is too huge for his body.

My mouth was dry, it was suffocating me… oh how I longed to take her in my arms and quench the ravenous monster in my gut… One of my favorite lines. Really, it shows that Edward isn't all sexy sunshine and flowers, and he can be really dangerous if he loses it. Really good way of showing his agony.

How Edward regarded Esme just fit. He notices how beautiful she is, and yet he's concerned that she has a life that she might be able to go back to. It really is how I'd always imagined that scene would be, it really, really is. I also just loved how Edward realizes that Carlisle cares for Esme, and the emotions he feels.

I shook my head. It was almost painful to see him look at her like that. The thought of love, in this state… I’d never thought it possible. So totally Edward.

I couldn’t imagine this life without Carlisle – but I couldn’t imagine it with Esme Platt in it, either. Could there really be three of us? Could I bear watching him love her, whilst not having anyone of my own? I loved how you wrote this whole paragraph, because really that's how I'd always imagined Edward thinking about the situation. His doubts and his dedication are really the perfect blend.

I rigidly headed back down the stairs, and sacrificed all my views of the future for their happiness as a last, soft gasp escaped Esme Platt’s lips. The only thing I can say is that this was a perfect ending line. I can't describe why, but it just is.

I can't give you any crit with this one, it's definitly an awesome Twilight fanfic. No grammer or spelling mistakes or anything, good job.

Btw, if you write any more Twilight fanfic let me know, kay? I'll definitly read it and give it a proper review, which is what I do anyway when I comment on something. Again, great job, I loved this.

wow. just wow.
Pretty sure there isn't a point me entering the contest, if this doesnt win somethings wrong.
Really well written.
I loved it.
It was beautiful.

You see that, there, whistling over my head? That was my chance of winning. Just gone, now, but I'm not really too worried because I know that you deserve the winning spot anyways. :cute:

I absolutely adored Edward's point of view. The way he thought, and the description and words you used it simply amazing. Once Carlisle came home my eyes just started watering and I was trying to talk to my sister and read without giving the indication that I was about to cry. I succeeded but that's besides the point. I hate seeing Carlisle stressed/panicky/not calm and you portrayed it so wonderfully through Edward's eyes that I could feel what he was feeling. I could feel the panic about Carlisle's state of mind through Edward. And you know how I love to feel characters.

I reached out desperately and tried my hardest not to propel myself onto the bed, but in a split second Carlisle’s firm hands were on my shoulders, pushing me to the peeling wallpaper. I like the picture this sentence places in my mind. I like it a lot.

I would put more quotes that I liked in but the mods will get mad at me for copying and pasting the entire story in the comments. :tehe:

So, really, this story is amazing and the best Twilight fan fiction I have ever read, hands down. It puts my story to shame, fer shure, but I knew that it would ever since you said that you were going to do it. I hope you win because you definitely deserve it.

My comment isn't as epic as yours, but I tried.

Beautiful. :]

And there, any hopes of winning I had crashed and burned. :]

Bravo. That was excellent. The vocabulary and description were immaculate...terrific job.