December 28th, 2008 at 06:49am
First things to get my attention; Ooh, pretty orange background and that picture on the side. That's just plain adorable. Anyways, moving on.
One suggestion I thought I'd just say now is that maybe having a little summary would be good, even if you just said who the main character was with the one-shot; if you hadn't of told me who it was about, I probably wouldn't have clicked on it. But that's just a suggestion, so now I'm going to read. :)
I think that overall, this was really cute, how the little flirtation between them eventually turned into marriage. That little bit at the end had me going Awh out loud and I love how it referenced back to the Charlotte's Web thing earlier. However, the only minor issue I had was that there seemed to be a lot of dialogue and not very much description of the surroundings or anything like this.
I know you have some stories already on the go but I think this would have made a cute short story, even if you took each little... vignette, of sorts, and elaborated on each a bit so that each could be a chapter. Overall, I really did think this was quite cute... and I'm sorry for distracting you. :P
:arms:
|
|
Woah O_O