Blowing Bubbles - Comments

Amazing story! You describe every detail so perfectly, everything comes to life.
I'm a big fan of your work from now on! :)

The day spun in circles, the breeze flew with warmth, and the grass was verdant and bright, stung with the aroma of dewdrops. ~ Pure beauty right there.
The rest of the story was beautiful as well, so simple and yet complicated.
I especially love the words you used to describe everything.
This has to be one of the most beautiful short stories I've ever read.

Iohann:

this seems to be a milder side of Nikki, very sweet and gentle aura almost tranquil.. or even poetically romantic i could say ^_^ beautifully paced (still poetic) and of course your trademark loquacious style on realistic detail meshed with the figurative, one that requires time to fully visualize the exact scenery you try to paint with words.. and yet with a touch of ephemerality -- which is what i like best, lest not to include the word "seemingly cheezy" in critique..

although with less discretion and lazy reading i would have said it sounds cheezy :P or like cheeziness executed in profound aesthetic storytelling, like a smiley face drawn by Picasso, like the Wowowee theme song arranged and performed by Nobu Uematsu (the musical composer and arranger of all Final Fantasy soundtracks), but thats of course just me being biased to my cynicism against certain archetypes like the guy-girl scenario itself, and the analogy of 'bubbles', as well as the dialogues -- in which comes the irony that i actually could relate to the guy's words -- especially the "never mind, dont answer that" line (which is really not a good thing for me >_<)

i read it a few times, and once aloud (which always goes surprisingly beautiful with your style), so let's say as an artwork, it's another one of your masterpieces worthy of the gallery ^_^ but the theme as a whole just isn't that appealing to hopeless deviant souls like me :P. maybe a few years back i would have instantly fallen in love with the author of this piece of writing after reading it.

i feel some level of influence in this piece. a book, or a movie? or TWILIGHT???? haha joke.

but seriously, great job ^_^ im happy to be reading your work again.^_^

RATING SUMMARY:

TOLMENIAN ANALYSIS: god words dominant 4:1
PROSE AESTHETICS (poetic/stylistic/structural): 5/5
ACTUAL NARRATIVE (event pace/ dialogues) : 1/5
CHAR DEV: 0/5
PLOT DEV: stagnant
AUTHOR GANDA POINTS: +50,000

Such a beautiful, charming flowing story. It was truly heart warming to read.
I am now going to try and review it, however, I probably won't give it the credit it deserves.

'Light curled upon the bosoms of the clouds, so impossibly rich and intangible in a soft ruin of majesty.'
What an amazing opening line. The bosoms of the clouds just describes the round fluffyness of them beautifully, and the oxymoron of ruin and majesty is intruging, but it works.
The opening description was magical. And set the scene for the childhood innocene you are about to describe excellently.

Also the amount of dialogue you included was perfect.I never felt like it needed any more or any less.

'rainbows trapped in compressed air and soapy water, lifespan of seconds'
The description of the bubbles was also lovely. The 'compressed air and soapy water' compares reality with the almost magical quality of the 'rainbows' a theme which you also explore with the girl wishing on the bubbles. Appearance and reality. I thought it was excellent.

Also the description of the child...it just captured the essence of childhood innocence and sweetness. It made me smile. :cute: It was so lovely.

'every sphere try its best to reach the heavens, and every single time and every single one brings a wave, then an ocean of grandeur disappointment'
Wow...that was one of my favourite sentances. So so beautiful, and al lovely projection of emotions on such a simple action. Very clever.

Then the following dialoue about wishing on bubbles. It was a really lovely theme to base the story on. Such an innocent picture, although you captured some slightly darker undertones in the story, giving it some wonderful depth and really making the reader think.

and then
'Of course bubbles are kind. They just haven't been given a chance to grant wishes, like stars or birthday candles or people often don't. '
The perfect last line. The banter between the two before it is also a wonderful addition, giving the characters depth in the quick snap shot we have of them, which is very well done. But the last line is just so wonderful. I could pick out so much more but I would be here all day, and I would end up quoting the whole story.

I really really loved it. Well done. Some parts were just mindblowing the descriptions and images were so amazing.
:cute:

I haven't reviewed anything for a while so if this doesn't due you right, I'm deeply sorry, Isa. <3

First, the opening sentence is just amazing. I mean, not only it's visually imaginative but the words you used add to the sentence's... fragility, I guess? I firmly believe that the choice of words can add to or take from the value of the sentence; but light curled upon the bosoms of the clouds is an image fragile as a snowflake. One of the things that are hard to catch unless they stay frozen forever.

I loved how you described both of them. How he's smiling with everything but his mouth. How they're sitting net to each other but oh-so-close; how he skirt covered his knee.

To me, it seems that the girl's so naive and innocent but a bit coy. Even believing in bubble wishes. It's sweet and cute in a sense; how he seems to be brushing over her innocence, and his thought/remark is kind of true. We don't let ourselves be affect by other people at times, we pull through huge amounts of crap, then a simple thing -an unfinished bubble wish- hurts us easily.
But the "Who’re you gonna believe? A bubble, or me?" sincerely made me smile. Cause you can tell he cares for her, like when you see a child mess with his reflection in the water.

Also, I like this original feel it has. I mean, I've read stories that gave me this same feel of this; it gave me feelings that only intimacy can bring, if that made sense. Like... how can I explain this? You can call it like the 'throwing pebbles/sitting on rooftops' symptom. You know? Those random things that best friends and lovers do that only make sense to them, like carving names and hearts into the pavement.
I think this comes up with many of your stories, this feeling I have, it came up with Right To Bleed and Smiles Like Glitter.

It's a sweet and heartwarming one-shot. Makes you wanna smile and hug her and want them to work out.

The layout is muy adorable. <3

Note: There was a sliver of the sun that was blinding him, so he made his lids descend in a flurry of sightless euphoria. is just mind-blowing. I don't know where you come up with those words and images; makes me jealous. Really.

The first thing I noticed was how wonderful your description is.
Light curled upon the bosoms of the clouds, so impossibly rich and intangible in a soft ruin of majesty.
The very first line is amazing; I've never read anything like that. Especially the phrase 'soft ruin of majesty'.

I love the image I got of the child from your description, because you do it so simply but at the same time, it's detailed enough for us to get a clear picture of the little girl, and I particularly liked 'all tousled angel-hair pasta braids and fairy-toothed grins and apples in her cheeks.'. I adore run-on sentences, and the way you described her was brilliantly done.

I loved the way that it wasn't in the point of view of the child, or even somebody who knew the child. Having two people outside of the situation, just looking on was perfect.

"I figured if the wish made it, it'd come true. I mean, they looked so pretty, so innocent, and there were no stars around. And, actually, stars are made of burning gas and aren't as harmless as they seemed when they weren't so far away. So I thought the bubbles would be kinder."
That paragraph made the woman seem so naive, just like the little girl. I think it suited the story incredibly.

Just like Tom Fletcher said above me, the ending was perfect.
Of course bubbles are kind. They just haven't been given a chance to grant wishes, like stars or birthday candles or people often don't.
The light adjectives you used made the whole thing very subtle, so nothing was overdone. It made it seem.. I can't really find a word for it. Almost magical, I suppose, imagining two people lying on the grass with the bubbles bursting around them. Like a dream, I suppose.

This might be one of my favourite one shots; I thought it was absolutley perfect.

For Story/Review game.

I've heard people talk generally about how good you are and always meant to check out one of your stories, so when I saw you wanted a review for this, I jumped at the chance. And those people were in no way exaggerating when they said how beautifully you write. I haven't read a story quite like this in a long time; I was kind of torn between feeling all gushy inside because I was smiling like a complete idiot all the way through, and feeling all wistful and in complete serious awe of the way you write.

The introduction itself confirmed that I would be finishing this story, just because I wanted to read more and more of your amazing description. Light curled upon the bosoms of the clouds, so impossibly rich and intangible in a soft ruin of majesty. The day spun in circles, the breeze flew with warmth, and the grass was verdant and bright, stung with the aroma of dewdrops. Just... wow. Where do you get these images from? It really is mindblowing, and you really set the scene with this paragraph, too. The calming mood seeped right into me and I was immediately relaxed (and a little bit in love with the words you used).

I liked the description of the child. The whole thing was... I'm trying to avoid using the word sweet, but I think I may have to give in. :XD The angel-hair pasta braids was such a unique way of portraying her and I applaud you again for picking such inspired words. Also, I really put myself in the place of the couple and felt as though I were observing this child from a distance and watching every sphere try its best to reach the heavens. Such romantic and idealistic imagery.

I'm not sure if you meant the two characters to be anyone inparticular, or whether they were an extended metaphor for love itself. For me it suggested the latter, because their actions weren't overly-described despite the gentle, feathery words you used throughout. Their actions seemed very natural, and I loved the naivety of the woman, because it fitted the tone of the story perfectly.

A spark in his chest, a reminder of exactly what he has, right here and right now, beside him. Like no one else.

Again, refraining from using the word 'sweet' (I could use some of your talent, here), this sentence just made me fall in love and have some belief in compassion and relationships. I've never been in requited love and your couple makes me ache to be so. The love he shows towards her is extremely radiant and gorgeous, it doesn't even need to be said. Gorgeous.

Of course bubbles are kind. They just haven't been given a chance to grant wishes, like stars or birthday candles or people often don't.

A perfect ending to a perfect oneshot. Personification is one of the things I love in writing and this is the most subtle yet most magical example I've found in a long, long time. I really felt calmed by this and was intoxicated by the thoughts of the couple and the techniques you use in your work. This fic is pretty much perfect in its own way and everyone should read it as an example of soft, fairytale, dreamlike writing. Good job.

You always write so amazingly. It was so descriptive, I couldn't take my eyes off the computer all the way through. And usually it's hard for me to read a mibba story all the way through. I get bored easily. But your descriptions and your talent is just so incredible.

This piece of writing was simple, it's a simple one-shot - but it was so elegant and innocent. I saw the title of the story, saw the layout and I straightaway thought that this would be in the little girl's POV, or her mum's, or something. But it was from two 'stranger's' POVs. That was a clever and realistic touch to it.

The silence wasn't much of one at all, inhabited by the faint noise of a city harboring on the edges, flutters of tiny butterflies, and the other souls with hours to waste on some lost oasis afternoon.

^ There, that was one of my MANY favourite lines. You know, you could have easily just said ''they heard a lot of background noise, like children playing.'' Instead, you elaborated and made a beautiful image in my mind. Just incredible.

The plotline - It was really deep. I like that about your writing. It's simplistic, but complex at the same time - I don't quite know how that works but it's amazing. The bubbles..the wishes..it was so..innocent, for lack of a better word.

I love reading your pieces. You have so much talent.

Well, wasn't that just amazing!

Okay, your writing is simply gorgeous. The story was so sweet and fluffy, I felt as if I was seriously chewing on some candy. I love your descriptions, short and lovely.

Light curled upon the bosoms of the clouds, so impossibly rich and intangible in a soft ruin of majesty. The day spun in circles, the breeze flew with warmth, and the grass was verdant and bright, stung with the aroma of dewdrops.

The moment I read that I felt as if it were a beautiful day outside in the summer. And your description of the child is adorable; so innocent! Without looking at the blonde little girl, I could clearly paint an image of a small toddler blowing bubbles.

And the concept is just so creative! Wishing on bubbles, because they are kinder, better. It gives you a clear description of how this girl thinks. It's just wonderful. The personalities flow off of the page!


A promise, over her wish.

Not sure why, but that was awesome! It made me think of a ghost for some reason. D;

I especially love this;


She smiled at her white kind of lie. There’s a memory, of the last bubble, falling gently upon a leaf, bursting just as the wish escaped her mind.

Your language is complex yet not overdone; it's beautiful. Your writing is captivating and heart felt. It's literally haunting. Great job!

-suscribes so you might get stars- :tehe:

This story just made me smile, from start to finish.

‘Light curled upon the bosoms of the clouds, so impossibly rich and intangible in a soft ruin of majesty.’
For me, this is a great opening line, for it’s description, which in not even mentioning colouring brings up all these visions of pastel clouds and a rolling sky. It’s so sumptuous. Your imagery is unbeatable

‘smiling with everything but his mouth’
I’m a sucker for lines using smiles as their subject. I adore this, it gives you a slight idea about him as a character. Maybe he’s more introverted. Or it makes you think she knows him so well, he doesn’t even need to smile to show his joy or contentment.

‘rainbows trapped in compressed air and soapy water’
Simple, absolutely gorgeous use of description. It adds a dream-like heir to everything.

‘a curl of his lashes and a fading freckle on his nose.’
Oh the small details, makes you think of how close she’s observing him. Their neat and cute and seem, in a strange way )to me at least_ like the prelude to a kiss, even though in truth their not. Yet that sets the tone for the closeness of the pair of them.

‘I mean, they looked so pretty, so innocent, and there were no stars around.’
It’s almost childlike dialogue and it’s so without any hidden meaning. She’s stating her innermost thoughts and she does it in this frank, simple way. It’s just…sweet.

‘A promise, over her wish.’
That seems like such a final sentence for the coming end of the story. It’s like a decision and a statement rolled into one. Almost her speaking to herself, in consideration. It makes the reader wonder with her, and it’s a moment to pause and think on what exactly it means. It’s so poignant. I love it

‘like stars or birthday candles or people often don't’
I love that you’ve actually put into this; the literal message and that it seems to sum up that she is going to trust in his promise, not these wishes as they often let an individual down. It is the conclusion to her previous decision in a way. Well at least in my eyes it is. It is the last finality, it’s blunt but effective

Basically this story is gorgeous. Your writing style doesn’t mean that you have to go into long-winded takes on description and feeling. You put things in a subtle way and it lets the reader understand and think in a few lines better than they ever could in a whole paragraph full of words. The dream-like way of the story and the way that sometimes your almost falling into the girls thoughts. This shows you talent in ridiculous measures.

This piece made me think the entire way through. Not only because of the concept, but because of the complex language; I’m used to reading pieces that are not simple in the least, but more blunt. There’re beautiful contradictions in the first paragraph; some of the words you put together shouldn’t fit but somehow do in a weird way. Like ruin and majesty. And stung and dewdrops. When I hear the word stung, it makes me think of a bee-sting, discomfort, yet dewdrops seem calming. Maybe that’s just me.

I love the in depth description you use, and the words. all tousled angel-hair pasta braids and fairy-toothed grins and apples in her cheeks. There was something so innocent about this sentence; I think it captures being a child perfectly. And the description isn't bland in the slightest; it's nice to read and keeps a good flow throughout the story.

The concept is intriguing. It seems innocent and fun, but there also appears to be a sadder edge it also, with the dialogue shared between the characters at the ending. And I liked their characterization; it was sweet and the way the girl thinks is slightly naive yet interesting. Their relationship was portrayed well too; it’s clear that they care about each other and have known each other for a while, given that they have a routine.

I felt there was something more complex behind the idea of wishing on bubbles. I don’t know why; maybe how she talks about stars and how they wouldn’t look quite so nice close up.

This was a really sweet story, and I love how you wrote it.

The story flowed perfectly, Isa. It felt so comfortable to read.
It was incredulously sweet and perfect. I think you can count any person who would read this a touched heart.

The narration fit the whole innocent kind of tone of the story. The whole thing was incredibly precious. The Way you described everything was perfect. Not too much description and not too less.

I loved the naivety for the female character. When she decided to make wishes on the bubbles the little girl blew before the popped, it honestly got me to thinking how it doesn't sound like such a bad idea. :XD

The relationship between the two characters were generally two people in love, I would think. And I liked how you didn't technically mention their relationship to get that across.

My favorite line was the one near the ending.

A promise, over her wish.

She smiled at her white kind of lie. There’s a memory, of the last bubble, falling gently upon a leaf, bursting just as the wish escaped her mind.

You ended it perfectly. :cute: Obv, you've created a new way to wish. :tehe:

Btw, I hope you win the IAR wirting contest. :]