December 18th, 2008 at 10:30pm
Very interesting story, LOVE how its not like twighligh or a slave thing.
Great job, can't wait for updates!!!!
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ROFL!
Very good. I think it could use more details like what the two of them look like appearance wise and how big her...yes.
Your details on the atmosphere are very well composed though. Forest, night, cool and dark. However I don't get too much detail towards the environment like what kind of forest, what kind of bird and mouse, what do the chairs and table look like, how does it appeal to the 5 senses etc.
Your adjectives are incredible though. You have a very educated vocab and I enjoy reading things that test my comprehension.
I am interested to find out what her 'orders' are. Sounds interesting, like something big is going to happen. I like it.
I just have one long question:
Was he attracted to her only because she changed him; the vampires superiority of affection? If she hadn't have changed him would his inhibitions have remained? Or is he just a guy that saw a hot girl in lingerie? lolz
I like it! I will contuine to read.