S/he - Comments

This was magnificent! It was so awful, what was happening to Ryan, and yet you made it so brilliant! It gave me the creeps. I loved it, really. <33 Keep up the good work.

I wasn't sure what to expect when I read the description but I'm glad I decided to read this. At first I thought it was transgender (I don't usually read that kind of thing so bear with me) but then as I started to read it became more clear.

The imagery you used was just so raw and powerful. You use just enough description without letting the concept get bogged down with adjectives.

"And then you start losing weight like a diet-crazed middle school anorexic."

"So while you’re left with the aftermath of your friends watching every bite you eat and making sure you don’t throw it up afterward, s/he’s whispering in your ear and spinning pictures of nightmares filled with monsters and maggots."

Those sentences...just wow. . I particularly love you you keep repeating "him (or her)" it keeps linking back to the title and just...works.

I like how you've managed to portray the "little voice" inside the characters head and how they taunt him. In a lot of stories the dialogue used...sounds really clunky and forced but you got it just right.

This was an amazing one shot. It was so intense but so beautiful at the same time. :) You're a very talented author. I'm kinda apprehensive about posting my clumsy sounding review but I tried my best.

I'll most likely return. (Why doesn't Mibba have a favourites button?)

This was absolutely amazing, but I'm sure you got that from the other comments. I clicked on it because I thought it might have been another transgender one, but my interest was peaked when I saw the summary. It looked so dark, and I love dark, so I gave it a read.

Something which surprised me was that although it was very long, I never once lost interest. I was actually disappointed when I saw I was getting to the end, because I was so caught up in the story. The way you described him (or her) just made me shiver, because it was done in such a real way.

I could go on forever about imagery, the language, the drama, but I think everything which can be said has already been said - and plus, I hate analysing things like that. The only thing I think I need to say is that this story was so fantastic that I'm subscribing, even though it's a one shot.

I really and truly loved this. Never boring, always exciting.

I suck at reviews, but I hope I made my point - you are amazing.

Whoa.

Just whoa.

That story was brilliantly mind-boggling in one of the best ways.

I apologize that my review of this story will not in any way, shape, or form, fully display how beautifully twisted this story was, but I fear that words simply cannot describe it.

Countless times I've heard people on this site raving about how absolutely wonderful your stories are, but I've neglected to ever click on one and actually read it.

I now believe I realize exactly what I'd been missing.

And of all your stories, I clicked on this one not because it was your most recent, but because the title captured my attention. It was unique in a way that compelled me into wanting to know more.

And then the banner. I was taken aback by that as soon as I saw it. It was stunning and mysterious and made me want to know more about the story. And thus, I dived into it.

I was immediately excited by the use of second person narrative. It's been my personal favorite for quite some time, both in writing and reading it.

And it was enhanced that much more by your writing style. I absolutely loved how you punctuated shorter sentences with longer ones. Many authors don't seem to be able to do that and over-describe things.

You, however, have the perfect balance of detail and dialogue, etc. that keep the story moving.

The whole thing reminded me very much of Edgar Allen Poe. I think it's simply because of the fact that this was a psychological thriller in a sense, and it was terrifying in a way that did not necessarily need blood nor guts to give it it's emphasis. If that made any sense at all.

It had a slew of dark, disturbing imagery - something else that I am quite fond of.

I loved the poetic feel as well.

And - as a few people also said - I found the lack of gender of the monster to be an excellent addition. Not only did that allow for an unrestricted ability to get an image of said creature, but it added to the mysterious nature of it.

I am well aware that this review does no justice to your story, and for that, I am deeply apologetic.

But honestly, I do believe it was the best piece of fiction that I have ever read on this site.

I fancy the layout.
Baaaiii.

Kidding. Heh.

That was amazing and different. It started off with Ryan saying that he had an imaginary friend and most of the time, things like that are meant to be childish, but it really wasn't. Turns out it's an imaginary enemy.

It was all just very beautifully written. Bailey did not have a real gender, but when Peter called her (or him) an 'it', s/he got mad in the sense that a human being would be angry if that certain human being would be called a thing. I think one of the things I loved the most in the story was the monster's personality.

The way I see it, Bailey is a part of Ryan. The angry, frustrated, self-hating part of him.

I also like how it was narrated. It's second person, but I really can't believe how comfortable it was to read. Like it was told that way so the reader could understand Ryan a bit more. But it's kind of like somebody sat down with Ryan and said, 'this is what happened to you.'

Sorry for a shitty review, Dru. But I love this to pieces, it was... whimsical. More than whimsical. Amazing.

K I'm done. :cute:

I want to write a huge review about the whole thing, pick out my favourite lines, the literary styles but I can't because I just too stunned.
After reading (and making a secret) about The Nightmare Stories, I think this may seem a little redundant but I want to thank you, a second time.
Once again, you're words have stopped me breathing and I find myself extremely shocked to relate to this one shot so well. Usually, I never do.
I don't know whether this experience is something you've been through yourself that you have formed into a beautiful Rydon/Ryden but the way you've described the feelings, the twitching, everything is brilliant. Its everything I could hope for telling people what this kind of experience is like. Though, I wouldn't steal your one shot, of course.
After reading your words, I felt encouraged to post a piece of writing I was told to write for therapy a few months ago, which also happens to be written in second person.
(I'm not trying to plug my own story here or hinting that you should read it, I just wanted you to know how much your writing inspires me.)

One of the things that amazed me the most was the use of second person. Not many writers choose to write in that style because, as its been said before, it does not make sense - especially when thirteen-year-old's who use chat speak get their hands on it. But this made perfect sense, it fitted exactly right.
I'm not sure if this is how you wanted it to seem but I wrote my piece in second person because I didn't want to connect with it so much as I do using first person. I didn't want to be the kid with an imaginary person hanging around with her.

You never told anyone about your imaginary friend. Boys who can legally drink and vote are generally too old for imaginary friends. And friend is the wrong word, too. Enemy. Imaginary enemy. How many people have those? You can’t ever be the same, can you?

And this part seemed sort of like what Ryan was trying to do.
It also seemed that reading it in second person made it connect with the reader more because when they see 'you', they think of themselves and put themselves into the situation.
But that could just be me confusing it all with my first hand experience.

Always have to be different. They go left, you go right. Everyone wears jeans and you decide to show up naked. Actually, I think that was a bad dream.

I also loved that you used a slight bit of humour before diving right into the dark stuff.

I thought the banner was excellent, too.
There was something about it that just worked.
Strangely enough, my mind didn't create a picture based on the person in the banner. I think that's a good thing, though.

Anyway, I shall stop rambling now.
In short; fucking amazing story, love it to pieces.

That was absolutley amazing.

First of all, beautiful layout. the colors are bold and fit the mood of the story.
Second, I'd have to say this was beautifully written and I felt the pain that Ryan had to go through. You could sense the evil within his imaginary enemy and there's a demon kind of controlling him.

‘You think you can silence me? You think you can make me go away? I’m not going anywhere, Ryan. I’m staying right here. As long as you’re here, I’ll be here.’

That line made me shudder because you can feel s/he creeping up around you and it gave me a chill, but I loved how you made the words that s/he spoke seem so negavtive and aggitating. Again, I felt sorry for Ryan. He was abused and tossed around like a puppet and s/he just never went away.

Another astounding thing is that it's in second person point of view and the reader feels the emotions and anger whenever s/he talks and sneers. Every time Ryan cried, I felt so bad for him and hoped he could get rid of it soon.

That's when I liked how he finally made it go away and tried his best to be strong because he would no longer have to suffer. The details and emotions were beautiful and I enjoyed every moment a lot. It pulled me in and I'm interested in these kind of stories.

I'm always fond of your work. :cute:

How many people have those? You can’t ever be the same, can you? Always have to be different. They go left, you go right. Everyone wears jeans and you decide to show up naked. Actually, I think that was a bad dream.

Those were part of really great opening lines. They hook you in with just the right amount of casualness and intrigue, and I love the flow of it. Not to mention that I've got a penchant for second person narratives.

She (or he—you can never be too sure on that point either) sits behind you, with stick-thin, pale arms wrapping around your waist or shoulders. She (or he) whispers in that sickly voice and it stays in your brain, echoing around your skull for hours and hours until you take something to make it go away.

So I cheated, I read some of Andy's comment above me. Saw the demon part. Saw this and was reminded of Neil Gaiman's rail-thin- gray-skinned, eyes-that-saw-too-much demon. Perhaps it was only for a select few, but that reference, no matter how intentional it might have been, painted an instant picture in my head.

You’ve learned by now not to scream ‘shut up’. You accidentally did once on the bus. Everyone looked at you and you hid in your bunk for three hours until you hoped they had forgotten about it. But you think it. You screw your eyes shut and think it over and over (and over and over and over) in your head, but s/he just laughs.

Reminds me too much of heartache. *sarcastic laugh* But it was a good description, putting to mind something eerily similar. The fact that the thing actually talks is creepy. I certainly don't want to be Ryan right then. Good choice, btw, to use second person. It couldn't have been told any other way, anyway. [I just used way three times in a sentence. Grr. Redundant]

spinning pictures of nightmares filled with monsters and maggots.

That IS a demon, no doubt about it\

When he asks what you’re doing cutting boxes open at three in the morning, you don’t have an answer.

Silly, possessed Ryan.
Is this demon delusion a mental disorder?

Now, I've wanted to click back twice in the span of this fic.
First, I was astounded by the length. Hehe. Then somewhere in here, I thought it might turn into an eating disorder story. But I kept reading-- I was hooked enough.

Love, also, that the demon was a s/he. No gender. Like angels, as Andy mentioned. It was something obvious but never pointed out.

‘I’m here because you made your mother run away. Why else would I be here?’

A four-year-old's nightmare. No better time to make it appear into his life.

I'm in the part where Pete comes in, and I realized the demon was like a materialization of his self-depreciation, hitting his self-esteem. Woot. Nice turnout.

S/he’s glaring at you with bloodshot, angry eyes. “Xanax.” he answers, turning back to the coffee maker. S/he looks like s/he’s going to rip Pete’s heart out with her (or his) bare hands, but then s/he’s right next to you, whispering in your ear.

I had the vision of a girl demon *laughs aloud* Sorry, that imagery was like a girl verging on catfight mode. Other times it was like a creepier Gollum from LOTR. Ahaha.

‘Bailey.’ s/he answers.

It has a name. Omfg. Not an oldish Biblical demon name or anything. A modern, common name. Nice!

How Ryan chased Bailey out was pretty quick, but you tied off the end with a sweet little line.

And you believe him.

That's more than anyone needs, really.

A great fic, with a stunning plot, the easiest flowing narration, and strangely brilliant imagery. Only you could have managed all the elements of this story.

Well done.

Did you know that angels don't have genders, thus demons don't either? Well it's common knowledge, so I suppose you did know it, but it was the first thing I thought about after reading the first paragraph.

Twice conquers he who in victory conquers himself?

I love stories about demons, and dark-er creatures in general. My brother is fascinated by mythological beings and he has several books on them - with huge illustrations of course. And then I grew up with fairy-tales a lot of them Oriental, then there was Arabian Nights, and then Dante, and Borges' book of imaginary beings, and other dictionaries of imaginary beings, and Steppenwolf, and surrealism in general, and so many other books. I tried to write a story about a girl who was doomed to live in my mirror not too long ago.

And I'm saying all this because I want to motivate my disappointment in the fact that -the?- S/he is just summarily characterized. I wanted to know about s/he more than I wanted to know about Ryan or how he chased him/her away. I sound completely insensible, but it's horribly true. I only found out him/her name somewhere at the end of the story and few physical features. :cheese: It frustrates me, I've swept through the story fast because I was curious to see what kind of demons live in the head of Ryan Ross and why they and not other beings live there. And the story is nice, it's supposed to be nice I think, your stories are always nice - they're always about people going through some kind of drama -and that's beautiful, interesting, etc., I love drama and people. I love stories about people, but this one time you have an amazing character that is not human [but could be if you gave it/him/her enough time to develop?] that remains completely blank. That's why the story feels too long, yet too short in a way.

Don't get me wrong, I do love Ryan in this story and this story. And I love the fact that it's not a story about a mental disorder, it's a story about an imaginary enemy. I love the way s/he talks and the Pete character is sweet. And, once again, it's reassuring to see that real couples exist, that romance, well not really romance, love exists outside the bubble and outside Twilight. They're together forever, but that makes sense. It makes a lot of sense. Though I'm eager to read a story in which they break up, for real reasons I mean, they get to a point in their relationship when they just can't go on anymore. But, eh, I'll stop ruining your favorite pairing now.

I understand that this is just my way to see the story, my very personal frustration, and it's surely a beautiful story and I know it's going to get a comments saying how beautiful it is and maybe you meant s/he as a vague appearance so that everyone can construct on its skeleton their own demon; I'm just playing the devil's advocate a bit maybe? - I can only comment on how I would've liked a story better, or what I would change in it, not necessarily on what makes a story good. This is how I express my love, really.

I'm surely going to digest the story more, I only read it twice and I'm probably catch more details on the lack of gender and the story in general. I'm not denying the fact that there might be clues in there that I haven't quite understood. I like mysteries.

Hm, and I think there's a typo in You don’t know how you get home, just that you walk through the door and Brendon’s waiting up., I think it's how you got home? :shifty

p.s. I nearly forgot, the second person narrative makes sense.
I'm generally not a fan of it, because generally it doesn't make sense >_>, but now it does. It's beautiful and clever. I had the feeling than an other s/he or demon or whatever you want to call it tells the story to Ryan. And it just works.

That was....amazing and freaky at the same time. Bur I like the freaky kinda vibes, it was awesome.
You have a great writing style, and really good plots.

I loved. :cheese:
It was such an awful thing, but you were able to make it seem almost... beautiful.
The description was amazing, too. I could see everything playing out in the back of my head as I read it.

I also thought it was great how the creature had no gender. I'm not really sure why; maybe because then I was able to make my own image of this monster without any real restrictions.

In short, it was amazing.

My new story S/he.
Around 4600 words.
Ryan has an imaginary enemy.
Ryden.
Dark.
Hope you like. Leave a comment/review if you do, please. It's appreciated.
Happy [?] reading!

xoxox
-Dru