Your story is so strong and I was absolutely hooked and indefinitely curious when I first began to read it. The first line put butterflies in my own stomach as I began to read it.
With so much limited space, you were able to aptly portray emotions of anxiousness, nervousness, excitement, and even a little bit of resentment, I think.
I love the phrase spastic stomach. It has subtle alliteration and flows nicely. It's a phrase that really caught me.
From what I'm assuming, this character is about to lose his/her virginity. The fact is subtle and well done, and I liked this. It was sexual so much as it was playing on the emotions of an exciting first time.
The repetition at the end was by far my favorite part of the story. I also think your background complimented the story very well.
Anyhoo.
Your story is so strong and I was absolutely hooked and indefinitely curious when I first began to read it. The first line put butterflies in my own stomach as I began to read it.
With so much limited space, you were able to aptly portray emotions of anxiousness, nervousness, excitement, and even a little bit of resentment, I think.
I love the phrase spastic stomach. It has subtle alliteration and flows nicely. It's a phrase that really caught me.
From what I'm assuming, this character is about to lose his/her virginity. The fact is subtle and well done, and I liked this. It was sexual so much as it was playing on the emotions of an exciting first time.
The repetition at the end was by far my favorite part of the story. I also think your background complimented the story very well.
Great job, and keep writing!
Cheers,
Bee.