Oh, wow. You're a great writer! I loved it. Good job. I like the way you describe everything and used such great imagery, I felt like I was actually there.
December 28th, 2008 at 07:01pm
Story/review game:
So the first two sentences immediately hook me in. They set the mood as well as the, well, setting. Very good. I like how it starts out talking about blood, and the ends with the dolls. It's a contrast with, look at this painful mess, and then the innocent beings are surveying it. It's like childhood, set aside and watching the now. I like it.
This girl isn't close to her mother, but whomever this man seems to be, she's very close to him. The girl is also envious of her brother and the attention he recieves from their mother.
you don’t want to see me like an angsty teenager. I didn't like that line. It kind of broke the almost magical sort of flow you had to the story. It didn't fit right. Maybe a different word would suffice.
Oh, so he's an imaginery friend. I like that. I'm assuming this girl is older beyond the years of having an imaginary friend, and maybe because of the emotional abuse from her mother and brother, through her loneliness she created this man to be her company and comfort. I'm also noticing a lack of mention towards a father, so maybe him being an adult man is her subconciously creating her father?
The imaginary friend is mentioned to be 'angsty' and wobbly, which makes me wonder. Why would someone tying to create the most special person to keep them in comfort not make them absolutely perfect? Maybe this girl has an overly creative mind.
The girl has most likely bandaged herself, but still believs her imaginary friend did it (good additive). Again she mentions that her mother doesn't care about her. Why not? I would have liked to know more about why her mother preferred her over her brother. Was it a culture sort of thing, or is this girl more misbehaved than she lets on? Perhaps her over creatuve mind that created her friend makes her different, and this bothers her mother?
I would like to know more.
This was a very good short piece. I enjoyed it. Good job.
