The Little Things. - Comments

everyone summed it up for me.
i don't even have to state my opinion, it's already been clearly stated.
i just have one question,
cani have your babies?

and, here's another,
was it supposed to be sad?
because it seemed as though danny didn't care for tom, just wanted sex, fomr the last sentences. i don't know, maybe i'm just stupid for not catching on.
i love your classy works.
amazing.
but, now i'm just repeating what's already been said. you win at life.

:cheese:
That was so one of the best oneshots ever, and definitely the best descriptive but still non descriptive sex scene I've ever seen. I really love how you focused so much on describing the room and the colors, how the blue turned into red as everything heated up, and not as much on the actual actions.

Considering I knew that one of the guys didn't have real feelings for the other, I must say that I couldn't tell until the very end who had feelings for who, and that I think was really good. I love being surprised in the end, and that I was.
I mean, as it was mainly told with Tom's thoughts and such, it was probably going to be him who was hurt and left behind, but at many moments I felt that maybe he actually had no feelings for Danny. Because, he didn't know what his fascination wit hthe room was, so maybe he drew no connection with the room and being there with whom he was with.

You have a completely unique and amazing way of describing things, and it was so beautiful to read. It was detailed, yet not detailed in the way we usually see it in writing. If I were to describe it, I'd have to compare it to a painting, or a photograph, where you can only make out the silhouette of the boys, yet see everything completely clear. Just, wow.

My god.

You never cease to amaze me...
I honestly don't have the words to describe this...
It makes me want to cry and smile all at the same time.

Absolutely beautiful....the imagery is untouchable, and the mood is incredibly vibrant.

Cheers, love.

Sorry for the late review :cheese:
I really liked it, the description is excellent! I was put off when I saw that it was slash, but there was nothing mentally scarring in that, nothing to make you think "urgh slash!" and click off, but there's also that part where you're thinking "wow, thats a really good slash story..."
I totally contradicted myself myself then, but its like, an original slash? I'll shut up now.
:XD

Story/Review Game.
I love the way you use imagery to describe actions It’s the way his fingers seem to salsa leisurely over Tom’s back, accustomed to frequenting the soft dance floor stretched over foundations of bone. The playful intercourse between digits and spine, alternating between gripping, scratching, smoothing and stroking – it’s what makes his torso arch, what makes his lips beg, what makes his fingers curl up in his pillow with defeated frustration in the deep of the night. Overall, that paragraph was poetry.
I love the way Tom seems to be infatuated with Danny, yet seems to slightly resent some of his traits, hence the title The Little Things.
I also love how you wrote about their intimacy in such a classy way, it didn't seem smutty or anything (which is good) since there are a lot of stories around which make it all dirty and awkward to read.
And to be honest, I'm sixteen and naive and I'll probably never enjoy reading stuff like that without fidgetting and going "Eww..." so yeah.
I especially loved the last two paragraphs, and the lines He’s too tired to shower off, but not tired enough to collapse in Tom’s arms and let him steer the way to either of their bunks, to fall in together and sleep in a mess of cool sheets and humid breaths. I thought that was really really sweet but then I felt great empathy for Tom with the final line - and possibly my favourite line - of It’s the little click of the bathroom door as Danny leaves for bed without him that bothers Tom the most. It just seemed as if Danny wasn't treating Tom well and that was just so sad...

I know I'm not exactly... constructively critiscizing you. It's faultless, and I've said that before. Overall, this was immense. I was fully sucked in by the story and was asking questions about the characters and wishing to know more. :arms:

Wow. :cheese: I'd heard really good things about your writing but seriously...I wasn't expecting it to be this good. It's like something you'd read in a published book! :omfg: I mean that in the best possible way, of course. :tehe:

The way you opened it was sensational, throwing the reader straight into the storyline. It's the little things that bother Tom. I love it when writers do things like this because it really grabs your attention and makes you want to read on. You want to know why he gets bothered by little things. This brings his character across as quite a sensitive character who has a barrier up around himself, blocking the bigger things but the little things can still get through and these are what worried him the most.

The character of Danny is rather intriguing. He seems like a complex character but doesn't come across as a sensitive person. I think this is best illustrated by this line: It’s the little smug, tired yet exhilarated laugh... because it shows he's a little bit cocky about the whole situation.

You also wrote sex really well. A lot of sex that I've read comes across as awkwardly written and not really relevant to the story, but yours just really fitted well into the whole oneshot and that was really good.

I also liked how you referred to them as the "brunette" and the "blonde" at some points, because it shows that to Danny, that's all Tom is sometimes and that's really sad.

The ending was just...wow. It’s the little click of the bathroom door as Danny leaves for bed without him that bothers Tom the most. It's right at this point that we realise that Danny isn't really that committed and Tom knows it, which is the worst part and you really feel for him.

This was amazing...absolutely amazing. Sorry this feedback wasn't too great though. You deserve better feedback than this :tehe: :arms:

yeah basically you're winning the contest.
i don't stand a chance.
that was insanely amazing.

Story review game

So first off, I like the way the summary is short and fits in with the title :cute: Short summaries don’t always work, but here it works well. Very well actually, as I was deciding whether or not to review something, and it drew me in :tehe:

I also like the way the first line fits with both the summary and title. I like the theme of ‘the little things’ you’ve got going as it shows you’ve actually thought about the title and are going to build on it. It’s interesting and I’m keen to read more.

And it’s the little things that bother Tom, he ponders to himself, as his mind is being rapidly taken over by signals from nerve endings on his neck and hips. Love this opening line. (I know I’ve already said that, I thought I’d clarify :XD ) I like the way you’ve used the word ‘ponders’ which is quite a normal word for an ordinary situation when what’s happening to him with the mind being taken over seems anything but normal. It creates a bit of confusion which is a good thing :cute:

insincere chuckle that leaves the lips feasting on his collarbone right this second. Omg:cheese: is this about vampires or are you using a metaphor to describe something? Or is this sensation actually enjoyable for him with another person? Ahh the tension this opening paragraph creates is incredible.

I like the way you describe whatever’s happening to him as having ‘insincere’ chuckles and stuff. Makes it sound like a villanous character or thing with depth to it. I need to criticise something, but so far, there really isn’t anything :XD

It’s the way his fingers seem to salsa leisurely over Tom’s back, accustomed to frequenting the soft dance floor stretched over foundations of bone. Dude :cheese: Just – oh my gosh. This was probably my favourite line so far. This description is incredible :cheese: The amount of comparison and thought put into it is just :cheese: Wow. It worked really well.

Why is it that these walls that construct a little coop of burning heat seem to enthral him? Attempt at crit: You’ve used ‘that’ twice in this sentence and it doesn’t really flow as well as the rest of it. This is really, amazingly picky and you can choose to ignore it but I really haven’t found anything else to criticise. The story is still essentially perfect so far, this is just something I’ve found whilst trying to criticise and feel free to disregard.

:cheese:

:cheese: :cheese: So admittedly I’ve just read ahead and – wow. I haven’t read a slash story in quite a while, and this description and use of vocabulary, metaphors, similes, imagination – everything makes me want to read more of them. It’s truly amazing. I mean that. I don’t know these characters from before but I feel I know a lot abut them from this short story. And really – I haven’t read anything in this style that’s been as amazing for a long, long time.

It’s not the way that they seem to fall ever so naturally into a rhythm with their private, muscle-twitching dance against what could be the sky, the sea – Just - :cheese: The way you’ve managed to draw everything you want to into this story so naturally. And I like the comparison between what it is and what it isn’t.

The ending, finally, fit perfectly. The way you’ve built up to the closing line It’s the little click of the bathroom door as Danny leaves for bed without him that bothers Tom the most. is just – I need a new word after reviewing this because you’ve caused me to overuse ‘amazing’, ‘incredible’ :tehe: it’s awesome. It’s immense.

You’re an extremely skilled writer and I’m sorry I couldn’t find anything to criticise in reason :XD I was pleasantly surprised by this and can’t wait to read more by you :arms:

All the time I was reading this I was just thinking, 'The writer really is incredible.'

I wish I had the ability to write half as well as you. This story was just ... well, amazing, for lack of a better word.

Words can't even describe fully what I think of this

That was amazing. I liked the imagery you put into the whole chapter. I enjoyed reading it-the details were a great balance. The thing I liked the most, was how there was hardly any conversation but it was like you could read Tom’s mind and see how he functioned – that I liked, it was a perfect blend. It’s almost like you could hear what they were saying, but only inside their minds.

I also liked that you expressed every detail and emotion, by staying consonant with the feeling of the plot – it didn’t change or transform into something else at all, and I like that.

Other then all that, I love you’re writing to be frank, and I enjoyed reading this. It was like a silent movie playing in my mind, or actually just being there, watching like a ghost. But in all, I don’t think I have anything negative thing to say about this story – except to keep writing.

I don't think I've read a sex story this sophisticated in my lifetime. You've got the kind of writing style I wish I had. You show every emotion through actions, and it's done so well that you don't need to go into details about it. The reader simply understands how the main character feels on a level they don't really realize until they go back and think about it.
I love the way you're so detail-oriented, too. Sure, it's great when the general goings-on of the sex is described, but you focus so much on the details of the actions that you don't need to say anything about what most writers would concentrate on; your audience understands exactly what's happening.
The room. Dear God, the room. I absolutely love it. Instead of basically saying, "Oh, this is a room with a mattress in it, and that's where they're going to have sex," you made the setting one of the most important aspects of the story. It adds to the inquisitive feeling of it when you talk about how much Danny loves the room. And the way you kept the color of the walls in play was absolutely beautiful.
To put this quite simply, I wish I could write like you can. You definitely need to get published.

I motivated you to write this? :cheese: Oh my god, Sam. How the fuck did I do that? This was so good, I don't even want to go into how it makes me feel. I'll leave it at that because I don't want you to be like "EWW OMGZ no more sex stories". :XD

I love the simple layout. The story didn't need to be all dolled up in a gorgeous layout; mostly because nobody is paying any attention to it. At least I wasn't. Not with the way you wrote this story. It was so delicious, the imagery was perfect. I adore how it was, primarily, a sex story, but it had a different feel to it...like yes, it was amazing sex, but it wasn't just lust for Tom, like it was for Danny. And the differences in this gave it this perfect tone...I don't know how or why. I just know it did and it worked.

The playful intercourse between digits and spine, alternating between gripping, scratching, smoothing and stroking – it’s what makes his torso arch, what makes his lips beg, what makes his fingers curl up in his pillow with defeated frustration in the deep of the night.

:yah :yah Your imagery is stunning, dear. You can take simple things, like Danny stroking Tom's back, and dress it up in a way that isn't meaningless fluff, but a sophisticated way of showing us. My teacher always says "Show, not tell" and I have the hardest time doing it, but you have perfected that.

What else can I say? You have so much talent that leaves me speechless. I never know what else to say. Never give up. :arms:

This is amazingly well written.
Nice job!! :D

Story review game :)

I loved the style. It was third person and questioning, thoughts that portrayed emotions and touches and sounds. Right from the first line, I was really intrigued. How you described their surroundings added to the feelings, it's such a simple drab sounding room that shouldn't be so incredible... but you make it amazing.

They way you describe their shirts coming off is interesting, the catching on a watch or a joint happens... but no one ever seems to mention it, it's like they weren't wearing clothes at all, but you go into the little details.

The sex. Good god. I wish I could write like that. You describe every second of it without describing any of it. Your style in this story is amazing, the details couldn't be better. I do believe I'm becoming addicted to your stories. :)