Flying - Comments

I’ve decided that I’m going to go through and read all of your drabbles – you are by far my favorite drabble writer on this site. You choose such interesting concepts to write about and you give amazing descriptions, not to mention you pack so much emotion into these short pieces. I loved how almost half of the lines in the story were questions and the ending – the personification of the ground was fantastic. I also loved the description of a “gravel voice,” a really clever...well, pun almost (and I’m a big fan of the puns). All in all, this is a really great story and you are incredibly talented.

I really quite loved that.
It was so beautiful and hesitant and lovely.
Really great job.

Wow, darling. That was beautiful...

I really loved how the person regretted jumping after the fact. It was almost like the ground had tricked her into jumping. Good job!

Gravity said, “No, come,"

This line seemed unfinished. When I read it I thought it sounded like it was cut short. In my head, I automatically added “down” to the end of that, like: Gravity said, “No, come down.”

"Come to the ground."

Same thing here. This line feels kind of empty and it lacks flow.

I do like the idea of gravity coaxing the character. I love the personification.

…choking on the saliva pooling in my dry mouth.

I’m guessing this was supposed to be a opposite thing, but it stood out to me as being…wrong and not “poetic,” you know?

I really liked the last line: At least I'm dying with the wind in my face. I’m not sure why, but it seemed fitting. It was a nice way to end this.

I did have to read it a second time, before I saw how the two parts connected, but that may have been because I was looking for things to critique while I was reading it the first time.

Over all, I liked it. It was simplistic, but in a good way. You managed to put in a lot of imagery without being very descriptive, which is amazing. Though I was a bit thrown off by the change in format (you double spaced in the first bit, but didn’t in the second half – was that done for a reason? If it was, then okay. I’m guessing there was a reason for that.)

Okay. I promise, I wrote a review earlier than this but Mibba just totally killed it. ~_~

Okay. So here goes.

So I was a bit hesitant when I saw the whole format it was written in and the shortness of it. But when I read it all and realized what it was really actually about, I was glad I read it. I really liked it. Since I've never really had any kind of experience with suicide and such, this made an impression on me. Which is awesome since it was short.

Opening line, I liked. FLying is a really... idk, flexible thing. Because when you see it in stories here, it's either an awfully childish thought or a really suicidal thought and there's a very thin line between that. And for me, I thought you stayed in the middle of that line.

Gravity said, “No, come,"

"Come to the ground."

That's probably my favorite line throughout the story. I just thought that the idea of Gravity talking was kind of innocent. And if you know me, I'm all for that. But it started with saying "this is what flying feels like" but then the character wasn't really flying, therefore he started falling. But it was interpreted as Gravity telling him to come down.

And I really liked how you described "flying". An endless tumble through the bright sky. It's brilliant.

Okay, so there was a fire in this "tower" and this Andrew character died in the fire. I liked the subtle way of saying that he just jumped off. He couldn't take dying in a fire. At least I'm dying with the wind in my face.This line pretty much cleared it out.

I liked this one. It was short but it sure did say a lot. :]

the first is beautiful, and the second is actually aggitating. realistic and yet so unreal to believe.
brava, ma amie.