Slip Away. - Comments

=o

I really need more! I'm so eager to know what's going to happen and what'll be said!

omg.

I nearly cried.

This is so beautifully written, and I'm glad you've clarified what actually happened. I'm not so confused anymore ^_^

This is an amazing story, it really is.

Oh my shit. I knew Lee's POV was worth waiting for :cheese:

Everythings like...clicking back into place properly now!
Lee isn't really as heartless as you first think, there's some real deep rooted reasons behind what he did and how he essentially broke Jamie. When you see it from his perspective...really...Lee's the broken one.

Totally helpless for Jamie in every single way, so much so that he had to shut down, he could bear to be so desperate for him...and now he that all those feelings are returned it's all fucked up.

Shit. Irony indeed.

Lee really doesn't think much of himself, does he?
I suppose that could be his parents fauly, building him up too high, to think that he was great, then when realisation hit and he saw he was just human, and that he wasn't as good as they made him believe...he kinda hit rock bottom. I don't know if that makes sense.

He just sees himself as something that gets in the way. So anything, no matter how small, Jamie felt for him made him feel wanted, needed. Which is probably why he saw himself as weak as well.

=[ poor twat.

I'm glad that he went to go talk to Jamie, though, and that Jamie's going to let him. I can't wait for the next chapter, to see how it pans out between them. If Lee admits the reasoning behind all that...or just tries to find another excuse or something.

Fantastic update :D

xx

:cheese:

You should've told me to read this earlier. Because it's SO amazing that words don't give it enough credit.

I love that there's other things going on other then just Jamie and Lee. Like Mike and Stu and Ian and Sean. There's more story in them too. I love it.

I think the last update is definatly my favourite.

You describe what Jamie's feeling by the way he describes what could happen to Ian so well. If that makes sense.
Like we totally know what Jamie's going through because you wrote it so well.

And the comparison of Jamie and Lee and marcaroni and cheese made me smile so much. Ian has the best way of thinking.

I feel bad for not reading it sooner. And then leaving bad feedback. But next one will be better. Promise. :cute:

And in case I haven't already mentioned, this is a damn fantastic story already.

I finished plotting my physics graph (which I totally doctored a few of the points so that its a straight line :lmfao) so now it is time for feedback. :tehe:

Whenever I leave feedback, I always look for things I can give constructive criticisms on, but I never find anything in your stuff, and the only criticism that I can give is that I can't read the text very well cause it's grey on grey, but eh, that's probably just the display on my laptop :tehe: But yeah. Your writing is stunning. I wish I could write as good as you. I think this chapter was some of your best writing EVER.

So. Onto the story.

First of all, I love the way you opened it, with Ian talking about Sean. It's like Sean is his life; when he sleeps he dreams of Sean, and when he's awake Sean's always in his head. It's like he breathes Sean. :omfg:

Ian's certainly got a lot of feelings for Sean, and when I read this line: I slowly, tentatively opened my eyes... to find myself alone in my bed. Oh. I guessed Sean must have already left. I knew he’d still been here when I fell asleep. it made me think that Sean doesn't like Ian quite as much as Ian likes him. :think:

You make Ian's character very believable, when he puts on some Metallica and gets changed. That's exactly how I'd think Ian would think and act, so kudos to you for getting the characterisation spot on.

I liked the next bit, because yeah, the reader is properly filled-in on what's going on between Jamie and Lee, and it's quite sad. I really feel for Jamie and I loved this comparsion a lot: There’s no macaroni without cheese and there’s no Jamie without Lee. I really liked that comparison, it was a bit off-the-wall and different. And different is good, because I get tired of reading the same thing over and over again.

I love the new optimistic Jamie and it puts a ray of hope into the story, hope that Jamie has finally gotten better and he's going to move on with his life.

I like Ian's slight jealousy (of his painting skills) towards Jamie, and I think that's quite significant. Since Jamie's probably jealous of Ian for having Sean (as in, being with somebody, not that he fancies Sean :tehe:) and Ian's jealous of Jamie's painting. It's almost like they want what the other one has.

When Jamie laughed, it made me smile. :cute:

Jamie seems quite open about his sex life, and seems to know a lot about Ian's too! I was pretty sure he’d seen us have sex before; I’d seen him fuck Lee loads of times so it wasn’t really a big deal. Horny bugger. ~~ Shows that they're not awkward around each other at all and they know each other well.

This is sort of strengthened by the fact that Jamie instantly says that he knows Sean's more than just a fuck-buddy for Ian. It's nice how Jamie can notice feelings like that and he's probably talking from experience because maybe Lee only wanted him as a fuck buddy when Jamie wanted so much more. :think: I don't know.

And then when he's telling Ian to basically go for it, by telling Sean how he really feels, that's when the old Jamie starts to seep through a little bit and it makes me wonder whether this new, happy Jamie is just a barrier, shielding himself from the world.

However what Jamie says sounds quite optimistic, and he honestly sounds like there's hope at the end of the tunnel for him.

Ian seems quite proud of Jamie, getting over this all, and its like the Jamie he remembers is finally coming back, in stages. Like this line - a classic Jamie glint in his eye, it shows that Jamie's not fully back yet but there are times when he is. If that makes sense :tehe:

And now Lee is there. If he goes and ruins stuff then I'll...I'll...

I don't know what I'll do.

:lmfao

Great update. As always. I particularly loved this one.

Omg! Omg i'm so eager for an update now!!

Oh my god!
Ok. I think that was defiantly my favourite chapter yet. Sure, this whole stoey is fantastic but that was out of this world. As you said once, i was pretty :cheese: thoughout.

They way you worded the whole thing was mindblowing.

I loved the opening part with Ian thinking about Sean. Just this wonderful image of him lying in bed, embraced in Sean's arms as they slept together. Damn beautiful. And how he just dreamt and hoped, wished, to wake up like that was so sweet, then to come to his senses and see that Sean had gone. That was a sad little moment.

My god. Jamie has picked up.
It was nice to see that he can laugh and smile as has realised that he really did have other things to live for. It's not the end of the world..*erases LPs lyric* even if it seemed like it. He's getting over it well.

Even managing to help Ian out a bit with feelings. Point out just how deep his feelings ran through for Sean from another perspective, sometimes seeing and hearing things from an onlooker's point of view kinda shows you how it really is. HE LIKES SEAN! :D

Always a good thing to find out :cute:

“It will hurt. It will hurt to the point where you want to die. But then... you’ll remember. Remember that you do have other things in your life. You’ve got things you’re interested in, and other things you enjoy... and you’ll get by. Hour by hour. Day by day. You’ll survive. ”

You can see a bit of the more...depressive Jamie coming though here. But he's speaking the truth, from his heart and all that. And that's amazing. There's more to life than love. There is also cheesestrings.

:cute:

Seriously fabulous stuff.

xx

I thought Jamie was getting better.

Then Lee's there =[

Something tells me he's not gonna carry on being better

I so can not imagine Mike and Stu in a relationship!! :O

This is such a good story!
Extremely well written.

I want to know what Lee did =[

I am sorry it has taken me a little while to leave feedback I hope this will be okay because I'm feeling all omgno: at the moment.

This was really good. I liked how it was a contrast from the angst of the first two parts and its a bit of light relief which I think is really important in a story. I mean, if you wrote a story filled with doom and gloom, and not much else then it wouldn't be a good read. This really shows how versatile you are as an author, how you can write both angst and fluff really really well. I'm so jealous of how well you can write :tehe:

I love the opening, how Stu is all mocking but he does it in a loving way. It's really sweet and you can really tell how strong their relationship is, how they don't get in an argument and Mike isn't really all that bothered about what Stu has said.

I have to admit, I got a little bit confused in the next paragraph, because you mentioned his daughter and then I wondered if he was cheating on his wife/girlfriend. But then it's all cleared up, so it's okay.

I love all the little moments with them, the light-hearted bits. It's an incredibly sweet relationship that they have, and they know exactly how to make the other tick, which is quite amusing to read.

I think this is my favourite paragraph: About thirty seconds later, Mike reached over to the arm of the sofa, grabbed his yoghurt pot and scooped out a generous helping of strawberry yoghurt. Stu, mildly confused about what was happening and why Mike had stopped kissing his neck, opened his eyes and made a grumpy, grumbly sort of sound. Mike just grinned at him and slathered the dairy product through Stu’s hair. I love how Stu gets confused, like's just expecting Mike to keep on kissing him and how he thinks that all has been forgotten. :tehe: That's brilliant writing.

And the banter between them afterwards was bloody great, how Stu is angry but he isn't really. :tehe:

I like how Stu's changed now that he was with Mike, and how he wanted to set an example for his daugher. It's sad that some people still don't think highly of him though. Like Mike's mum. Although you can see why she was worried because of Stu's reputation, so you can't really blame her for it.

Great update! I can't wait for more!

Stu and Mike!!!!!!!! OMG FTW!!!!
Thats awesome,
Me likey this story!!
:mrgreen:

Aww!

How adorable is that!

That wasn't shit! It was really great.
It was a nice, rather lighthearted, step back from the drama of Jamie, Lee and Ian. It's nice to see that Mike and Stu are so sweet together, cheeky but no less in love than a couple more serious.

They seem rather different. Mike is sweet and jokey, and seems a lot younger than Stu who's a bit more experienced and mature...especially with his sex drive. Just saying. :tehe:

Perving is always good. Maybe not when you end up with yoghurt in your hair.

The end was just damn cute. fluffy, yeah, but in a good way, not a pukey way.
I like Stu and Mike. Alot. :tehe:

It's great how you can write really hard hitting dramatic stuff that makes me all :cheese and worry and everything. And then do things like this which are a much nicer softer pace, but by no means any lesser written. :cute:

xxx

Well, as you know, my S button is semi functional. So I decided I'd pop into this story and leave you better feedback.

Unfortunately my brain has melted a little bit with revision but I will try my best to make this substantial. :cute:

I've read this update about three times now and each time I'm seeing different things that I didn't notice the other times. And your writing is just so stunning. You're really good at writing this sort of stuff.

At the start, you've described Jamie as being quite zombie-like - he does the same thing each day and it's set in his mind, somewhat. Like, he knows what to do without even thinking about it. Its like nothing is interesting for him any more and thats just so sad.

The part about the night time was just omgno:. All of Jamie's fears seem to come to him at night and he seems most vulnerable then. In the day he seems to put a barrier up but at night this barrier is just broken down and all that's left behind is a broken Jamie, haunted by Lee and the six words that put Jamie there. I just want to give Jamie a great big hug.

I liked how you described the confusion afterwards, when he finds himself at Ian's house. He feels like it's wrong to be there somehow. :think:

The word Aled scares him somewhat. You brought that across incredibly well.

And then Jamie gets angry with himself here and there's a big build up to what the six words could be. You're really dragging the reader in here and teasing them. Lesser writers would have just come out with it by now. But you keep going and leave everybody hanging on which is a really smart thing to do.

When Jamie says he doesn't see the point in anything, you can really see just how affected he's been by all of this. Like, it's obviously a big thing for him to be saying something like that and I can really empathise with him. He's a bit like a tortured soul.

It was good how you built up the six words too. Six words to make everything fall. Just six. Not five, not seven. Six.

And the last sentence was incredibly hard-hitting.

I hardly ever cry when I read stories but this one has affected me and I'm a little bit weepy when I read this.

Absolutely brilliant update.

:cheese:

Holy christ.

And i thought the first part was written well! of course it was...i'm just saying this was...too...wow i stopped making sense. ON WITH THE COMMENT!

The first half, if you will, just really showed you how alienated Jamie seems to have made himself to everything eles. Just stuck in an isolated little loop, a constant routine that he's not happy about, but doesn't have the energy or willpower to change. He doesn't seem to even see the point in it. Superbly written.

The next part...this was where it got REALLY ace.
It all slowly inches back into Jamie's mind, bit by bit, until it bloody whacks him in the face. Cold realisation that was. The emphasis on how just six words really changed his life, wrecked it maybe, was pretty intense. Like, to Jamie, that number really matters. Like if it had been a different number of words...maybe it would be differenent?

M'not sure. I think ... i might have lost where i was going on that point. Anyway.

The bit on how distraught Jamie was when he realised what he said was damn good. I'd quote it. But i kinda took looooooooong chunks of it and it was a bit...blah. Sorry :D

You don't often think of love being a bad thing, as it is pretty much the most humanising of emotions and feelings and all that, that its supposed to give you purpose. But this really puts it all in a different light. It's really fucked the poor bloke up. But i guess, it's not really that loving Lee is bad...it's that he told him.

I wanna read Lee's POV on it all. Please :cute: :D

I apologize if this made little sense, wasn't right, shows i'm tooootally picking up on the wrong things or anything along those blurry lines. I just can't stop typing.

Seriously fantastic writing though.

xxx

Poor Jamie! :(

This story is soooo well written, seriously.

For me?

:cheese:

I feel so special. :XD

Proper feedback will be left for you once my s key s been fixed. But this was a bloody brilliant update. :cute:

Oh wow.

This was really really well written. I felt so bad for Ian. I mean obviously i feel horrible for Jamie, its like he's identity has just been...wiped from him. Just one night, a few words, and thats it, he's gone. Zombie Jamie.

But Ian. He's sort of wavering there, really wanting to help, willing to try anything to make it better and stop how hurt Jamie feel's...but he can't. He's basically useless. He even, falsly, admits it. Its kinda like Jamie doesn't even know how Ian could help, even if he did stop insisting he was fine.

Just. Wow.

Very well done. Can't wait for the next bit.

xx

Hey. I can't reply on your page cause I can't find a comment button. So yeh.

I did wonder if it was a chaptered story. But Nat's comment said it was a oneshot so I assumed it was =/

I can't wait for more in this case :D

0_0
Jamie :(:(:(

I feel sad now. Poor Jamie!

This was really really good. x