All About You. - Comments

you have to keep writing this its amazingggggggggggggggg

You cannot stop writing this story, next chapter up soon? It's bloody brilliant. Så jävla bra.

Oh, this story always tugs at my heartstrings. I don't know how you do it, Sam, how you can write it so perfectly I can see the scene before my eyes, and feel their struggles myself. It's brilliant, really.

First, let me express just how much of an idiot I am. When you mentioned "skating shoes" I first thought Dougie was wearing rollerblades, until I thought about it and realized what you meant. :lmfao

Anyways. Speaking of Dougie, I love how real his friendship with Tom feels. Like, they obviously care about each other, but they have fights as well, and that's one thing I have trouble writing at times. But it's so realistic, and it makes me feel as if I'm just walking by and happen to glimpse this.

And then we get to Julia Spencer and I admit, I was a bit confused at first. I was afraid I had forgotten something crucial from the beginning chapters. I'll have to say, I have a bad feeling about her. I could be wrong, but the way she is, I fear she may say or do something that'll hurt Tom when she visits. Just from this small interaction, I'm kind of reminded of Aunt Petunia from Harry Potter; a very critical and judgemental person that's quite neat and proper. But then, I may just be over-analyzing Julia Spencer. I guess I'll just have to wait and see in the later chapters, right?

Oh and hearing her call Tom "Thomas" and Danny "Daniel" was really weird. I guess because I've always seem them as Tom and Danny that reading their names like that, so prim and proper was just really...odd. Like, it didn't comprehend that Daniel was Danny until the sentence after that. I guess that's also part of the reason why I'm so curious as to how she and Tom are going to interact.

I must say, Toby is one of the cutest kids ever. The thought of him and Tom, all snuggled close together on the couch while watching a movie is just the most adorable scene. It's obvious that Tom cares so very much for Toby, and probably would do anything for the little kid, which is perfect for him, after all the tragedy that struck him. Especially after I read Tom's dream. Now I understand a bit better who Rosa was; Toby's mother, and Danny's wife/girlfriend. It's so heartbreaking to read Danny so upset, even if it's only fiction...I could see it play out in my head and it felt so real. I almost began sobbing. It was only made worse when Tom woke up and realized Toby was having a nightmare. Oh god, I just wanted to someone heal both Tom and Toby.

Toby’s only response is a muffled wail as he crawls back into Tom’s shirt, and as Tom sits down beside him and lays a cheek on his curls he has a sickening wave of déjà-vu. “You and me both, squirt.”

These were my favorite quotes from the chapter. I think it made it a perfect ending.

As always, I loved this chapter and cannot wait for your next update. I love this, and I love you. :arms:

Shit mood, might not be able to do this amazing update justice but I'll try my best. And if this ends up all shitty then I'll come back and redo my review because you deserve a good one. Sorry this has taken me so long to leave, by the way.

I think this one was my favourite out of all the updates you've done so far. I liked the strong emotion within it, and the characters reactions to things was very lifelike and believable. It made the story flow really well and I could imagine everything perfectly.

The opening was sweet. due to Toby’s protests Tom finds himself wrapped up in his favourite scarf whilst numbly clutching a dog lead It shows just how much he cares for Toby, he'll do anything for him. I don't think that Tom particularly wants to go out, but he'll do it for Toby. All he really wants is for Toby to be happy - I get the impression that he stopped caring about himself after he lost Danny. He just wants Toby to have a good, happy life, that seems to be his only goal in life. It's quite saddening in a way, but also sweet that he cares this much about Toby.

This is just so...Dougie. Dougie has tagged along out of boredom, leisurely strolling beside Tom and deliberately displacing gravel with his over-sized skating shoes. I'm not overly familiar with McFly but after reading AAY I've watched a few videos to familiarise myself with them and the way they act, and I must say that your characterisation is absolutely spot on here. Like, how he's tagged along out of boredom - it shows that he's a person who is sometimes a little lost and unsure what to do with himself. And the way he walked with his over-sized skating shoes...I don't know what it was, but I loved that little section, it really helped me to picture this in my mind. It's really obvious how much work you've put into this.

It's obvious that there is other things on Tom's mind. “What do I say about what?” he replies to Dougie’s question. He's not really paid attention to what Dougie said, and he's just focusing on Toby and the dog (the dog to some extent, Toby more so). I think this is because Dougie is talking about Tom, he just switches off because he doesn't like the focus to be on himself. He'd rather discuss other people instead.

Again, it shows that Tom still isn't paying full attention to what Dougie is saying. “Toby, come back,” Tom interrupts lazily as the hyperactive child starts to deviate from the path. He's always got his eye on Toby and is constantly worrying about him and what he's doing. He can't pay full attention to a conversation when he's with Toby, it appears.

I love how Dougie is just so relaxed. “He’ll be fine; he’s just playing,” Dougie yawns, but Tom frowns anyway. He knows that Toby will be okay, but I get the impression that Tom wants to wrap Toby up in cotton wool because he's desperate to keep him safe and away from harm. He doesn't want anything to happen to Toby, and I think he's a little bit paranoid. I think Dougie said this to try and calm him down a little and try to make him not panic and worry so much, but I think it had the opposite effect and just made Tom a bit more agitated.

I like the way you write Toby. With a sulking face, the boy retreats from the damp, dirty leaves That is exactly right, just how a small child would act! You've really put work into making him a believable child character and it's really paid off. He's really realistic and that's just how a small child who has just been told off would act. And also the fact that he's playing in damp, dirty leaves makes it more believable, since that's exactly what little children with clean clothes on would do! XD

This line made me feel all mushy! XD Tom strokes the hat on his head in a half-apology and takes his hand He really is exactly like a father to Toby and I love little sub-conscious gestures like this, it's really sweet.

Sorry for quoting a lot. He has a better time than he thought he would; both Dougie’s friends were pleasant enough, and they didn’t seem to mind that he was a mope for most of the evening... I think that night showed him that there is a life outside of just staying at home and looking after Toby and in all honesty that was exactly what he needed to realise this. He knows that he had a good time but I guess he's a little cautious about doing it again.

Loved this dialogue. C’mon, your mum was thrilled to look after Toby last time, and you know it. Stop making excuses. First of all, I loved how you used slang on the first word. It makes it a lot easier to read, helps it flow better and also makes it sound a lot more real because people don't speak in perfect english in real life. And secondly, it's sweet but a tiny bit frustrating that Tom is making excuses about his mother. He's worried that he's imposing on her and worried that she'll be annoyed with him and see him as a bad guardian if he goes out a lot.

I think that the factor of Toby starting school has really affected Tom. He knows the fresh air will probably do him good for he’s been shut up in his house for five days solid Without Toby about the house, he's not sure what to do with himself. I think he's worrying that he'll become detached from Toby because of school and the fact they're not spending as much time together, he's scared that they might drift. And he's just alone in the house on his own - that really can't be good for him to have no human contact like that. It makes me worry for him.

He really doesn't like to discuss his sleep problems, that's really obvious. Tom groans into the woollen stripes clinging to his neck and chin. He’s fed up of discussing his insomnia now, with everyone. He doesn't want to be labelled as a weak man who is struggling to cope, and he doesn't really see that people wouldn't see him like that - they just want to help him. But he just closes up whenever it's mentioned, not giving people a chance to talk to him about it.

And this line. I could do with just a lazy day in front of the TV. Tom is just so run down, this lack of sleep is really taking its toll on him. He's exhausted, and going on this walk is just tiring him out further. He wants to take things easy, and has only really come out because Toby begged him. This line makes that so obvious.

Oh, wow. They melt into silence. Ohai, favourite description, ever! I don't know what I can add to this, I really can't say anything to add to this. But it's such an amazing description. Wow.

I think that this is the last thing that Tom needs right now. It takes Tom a while to decipher the words because it’s a bad line, but once he does he almost trips over Bruce’s lead in shock. It's really obvious that he's taken aback by this phone call and it's not something he expected to hear. I guess it was always there in the back of his mind, but it had been so long that he'd not thought about it for so long. Which is why it takes him a while for decipher and work it all out, just because it's not been on his mind for so long.

I like how you've portrayed her as being a high-class person, but isn't all that knowledgeable. Tom gulps at the use of the name Daniel. He’s only met Julia once and each time she used that name it drove a chisel into Tom’s chest, because nobody ever called Danny that. And also that she thought that Toby's age was 3, instead of 4. She has that air of "I don't care about you" and she doesn't seem bothered about hurting Tom's feelings. She only seems to care about herself and the fact that she hasn't bothered to learn that "Daniel" is known as Danny, and her grandson is 4.

It's really evident just how nervous he is. “N-not at all,” he stutters, heart in his throat. He can't form sentences properly and his heart is just racing (really nicely described, by the way!) He's still trying to comprehend it all, and his sleep-deprived state probably isn't helping at all. I think that Tom is just feeling really lost here, and it's bringing back memories that he'd much rather forget or eradicate from his mind completely. It's kinda heartbreaking to read this, Tom is really affected and he's trying not to show it.

This intrigued me. “Hm,” she replies in what Tom interprets as a huff, but he doesn’t know why she sounds displeased. It makes me intrigued as to why she isn't happy about them living there. I get the impression that she really doesn't like Tom, and there's something amis and dark here...I'm not sure what but you have REALLY intrigued me here and I can't wait to find out what's going to happen now that Rosa's parents are back in the picture.

Cute. Tom and Toby are wrapped up in a blanket on the sofa, sharing small chunks of chocolate between them. It really brings across the image of a family so well. Tom is such a good parent to Toby and I love the little scenes like this because as well as making it feel so realistic, it's also really beautiful to read the little moments like this because they're just so sweet.

This is so sad. he makes a mental note to move the photograph to the mantelpiece tomorrow morning. He knows it’s only up there because it hurt the both of them too much to look at her face just a few days after it was taken. (sorry for quoting a lot) It's obvious that Rosa meant a lot to them, no matter what happened between Danny and her. It makes me really intrigued as to what happened to put them in this situation, in this part you've raised so many important points and it really makes me want to read on (I was going to anyway, but y'know. XD). I literally need to read on because I want to know what happens so badly!

Again, apologies for quoting a lot. I should really try condensing but ehh. Toby sighs in his sleep and shifts so that he’s curled up against Tom’s chest, a small fist clutching a larger neckline as the tip of his nose finds comfort on Tom’s collarbone. It’s a feeling Tom revels in Toby finds so much comfort in Tom, and I like it when he shows this affection towards Tom because it shows that he views Tom as a father figure to him, even if they're not really related. And I think it's these moments that Tom lives for.

From the opening line of the italicised part, it's very obvious that this is going to be a very ominous and sad part. Through a chequered window there is a smudged hump of grubby fabric, blurred against the bulbs and the glass and the tears. It's just so tragic to read and it almost wants to make me stop reading because it sounds so sad, but at the same time I need to read on to see what's going to happen. Clever technique.

Tom is scared. He's absolutely petrified with what's going to confront him inside. Tom’s doubtful over whether to push it open but he feels an intrusive nag in his head, like he shouldn’t be standing here looking in on the scene without declaring his presence. He's not sure whether he should be here, but he wants to help and check on Danny, see if he's okay. He doesn't want to be confronted with what is behind the door but he knows that he's going to have to do it.

Liked this description, very apt. lifeless walls Because that's exactly what the room is - lifeless. Everybody in the room are just so listless and upset, and they are lifeless. I thought it was a very clever metaphor.

This shows just how Danny has taken it all. both men flinch but the brunette never looks away from the glass incubator so close to his nose. He's scared of losing Toby as well as Rosa, he doesn't want to take his eyes away from him in case something bad happens. He comes across as a very protective person and I think that could be a reason as to why Tom is so lost without him, because Danny always looked after him as well. It's really saddening.

And Danny just can't keep himself together, I can't help but wonder whether this is a sheer contrast of the normal Danny. “He’s mine,” Danny whispers, a crumbling statement glued together by tears to try and convince himself of the fact more than Tom. He's having trouble speaking, and I don't think he can quite comprehend the fact that it's his child in there, and it's not quite making sense to him because he never thought he'd be in this situation.

He's just completely broken by it all. my son has to grow up without R-Rosa – without a mother… and fucking hell, I – I can’t do this by myself, Tom… He's not thinking straight and he's worrying about his child. He knows that he can't do this alone and he desperately needs somebody there for him - Tom.

I liked this. He blindly fumbles around and finds Toby still on his chest, thank goodness, breathing and squirming and – crying? It's like the reader is seeing directly into Tom's thoughts and it's of him waking up and being unaware of exactly everything, slowly taking everything in. And the fact that he checked to see that Toby was breathing shows that the dream is still on his mind andI think he knows that it's going to be a while before he shakes it away. And I feel so sorry for Tom, what with him waking up and finding Toby crying.

This is an echo of the dream. Toby’s only response is a muffled wail as he crawls back into Tom’s shirt, and as Tom sits down beside him and lays a cheek on his curls he has a sickening wave of déjà-vu. He had to comfort Danny, and now he's having to do exactly the same with Toby, just after he relived the whole thing in his head. And I think that it's this reminder that makes Tom feel so upset. And all that's on his mind right now is Danny, and the fact that Toby is upset. He's got a lot to deal with.

Loved the ending. Perfect way to sum it all up. Great update, you know I loved this. I can't wait for the next part. And hey, this turned out pretty epic. Maybe I should be in a shit mood more often.

I've just read this from start to the last chapter written and I can honestly say this is the best stpry I've ever read on Mibba. It's so well written and really well thought out. There isn't a sentence in this story that I can't picture myself, I think it's truely inspiring, and as a Mcfly fan it made it even more amazing to read.

I love the way you've presented the Mcfly boys, I can imagine them acting like this. Dougie and Tom are my favourites at the moment, in your story I mean. The whole thing blew me away. And I really hope you do write more of this because it would be such a pleasure to read, I really enjoyed it and I'm sure many other people enjoy it too. It really is a breath of fresh air, and it's something totally unique - in my opinion.

You did an excellent job and I cannot wait to read more (:
Well Done :arms:

Chapter Four

Dougie’s voice warns lightly as the sound of the front door opening makes Tom jump, and he almost drops the memory captured in his hands.:cheese: Amazing opening! Just so... :twitch: gah. :tehe:

Three beaming faces shine out at him, trapped behind glass and framed by delicate wrought iron and crystals. Amazing. Seriously. Wow. I have no words :cheese:

“Got any food? I’m bloody starving.” Dougie takes the light-hearted approach to the situation and leaps through to the kitchen, reaching for the snack tin and attempting to prise it open without much success. Pfft. Men and food. Honestly :roll: But yeah, I love how you keep on adding in little Dougie snippets :tehe: And as I said in the comment above, although he is not a main main part, he is importantand hot

He snatches the rattling box away from Dougie as Toby re-emerges into the room, wearing an inside out t-shirt and his favourite pair of old jeans, and hides the treats out of sight with a knowing glance to Dougie. Bless :tehe: He's such a cutie Can me and James baby sit? PLEASE! :XD

Tom asks, tugging Toby’s shirt off and turning it the right way out, before pulling it back over his head. His attempts to get Toby to dress himself are only half working – he’s keen enough, but doesn’t know the difference between front, back, outside and inside. Again, Tom the Housewife strikes again and Toby is just so cute Can me and James baby sit? PLEASE? :XD

With the teamwork of his two carers the small boy is soon feasting on cheese sandwiches and blackcurrant squash, grinning happily as Dougie munches Toby’s forbidden luxury of chocolate confectionery behind his back. Tom sips at a cup of tea and sits beside Toby, watching his every move. I love how you change how you refer to Tom and Dougie, not just as Tom and Dougie, but as their job that they play at. And you really show how different, but close, all three of them. I can totally picture Tom with a pipe here though

“My boss is nearly sixty and his name is Giacomo.”
“Point?”
Don't make my favourite member gay, please! Because I will be tempted to have a sex change and become Victor :XD

“Do you reckon I could pull her?” Dougie mutters right in Tom’s ear, gesturing towards the bar. “The one in the boots and the tight jeans?” I NEVER KNEW I WAS IN THIS! :XD

Tom looks up as a deep, unfamiliar voice responds to his statement. I like that line, especially as it was seperate from the speach, and it's like - you read on and its all "ooo!" NEW CHARACTER :crazy:

Dougie nods as Charlie’s muscular hand grasps Tom’s tightly, and Tom almost winces into dark hazel eyes, shadowed by unnaturally thick, dark eyebrows. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA EYEBROWS :crazy:That's a bit dirty!

Charlie smiles; grainy, well-spoken words trickle from his tongue as he slides into the booth and sits across from Dougie. Description here - :yah

A stubble-lined jaw is topped with faintly smiling lips, which match chiselled cheekbones and a stylish haircut that simply begs for fingers to be run through it. The kinky bitch ;;P

Tom suddenly recognises the light irises that draw his vision towards the arrival. Painted in the flecks of maya blue is the vision of a lone figure in a desolate graveyard, hunched over a small grave as rain pelts from the sky above. His breath catches in his throat, and he coughs it away as Harry’s smile falters. Woah. Love it. Descrption, and the metaphors = :cheese:
Amazing imagery too.

I think I've quoted enough, but GOD DAMN GIRL! I'M JEALOUS OF YOUR TALENT ~~
And I just thought of a Really lame joke:
"What did Harry Judd say about the blonde guy at the pub?"
THE KINKY BITCH!

SAM, BE VERY HAPPY - I AM LEAVING YOU FEEDBACK INSTEAD OF WRITING :con:

-Puts on All About You-
:tehe:

Chapter Five
(I'll get round to doing the others - I promise.)

It’s the weekend, and due to Toby’s protests Tom finds himself wrapped up in his favourite scarf whilst numbly clutching a dog lead, the other end of which is attached to a struggling Beagle.
I just love how casual that is, and reading it made me feel at comfort. I think it's cus of the tiny words like "wrapped up" and "favourite" makes me feel at ease because they're calming words depending on the context.

Dougie has tagged along out of boredom, leisurely strolling beside Tom and deliberately displacing gravel with his over-sized skating shoes.
I can safely say I'm not the only one to be thinking this but: Damn, Dougie can kick me with his over-sized skateshoes anyday! ~~

His head gives a nasty throb, and he dearly wishes for the pain relief in his system to kick in soon. Although this line breaks the happy mood, it really shows how Tom wants to be able to enjoy the simple things, without having to put up with pain that's out of his control. James Bourne just wants to give Tom a hug now :tehe:

Tom interrupts lazily as the hyperactive child starts to deviate from the path. BIG WORDS. DO NOT UNDERSTAND! :XD I kid, I kid. I thought this was excellent, the use of 'big words' as it helps to show that they're not a normal little family, and thats shown with the vocabulary you used. It also shows the differences between Tom and Toby, Tom being the calm, 'lazy' one and Toby being the crazy 'hyperactive' one.

“And I’ve just washed that coat,” he retorts irritably, causing Dougie to raise his eyebrows and hold his hands up in defence. “Toby!” Cranky housewife much?
I love how that part, and the line above it about Dougie. Although the story focuses mainly on Tom and Toby, I love how there's little bits about Dougie in it as well, as he's not a main-main character, but he is a main part :XD I'm contradicting myself now, but hopefully you'll understand what I mean.You'll be the only one.

Even though he was around Dougie, Charlie and Harry when they went for drinks last week, he hated coming back to an empty house alone. Just aww The Kinky bitch! That whole part made me go and I'm not exactly the soppy one when it comes to kiddies etc (I was gonna say that makes me sound a like a peadofile, but I was wrong - it makes me sound like the anti-peado, which is good) and it also made me just wanna hug Tom :tehe: I'm sure if he gives James a ring, he'll babysit :tehe:

Tom interrupts dismissively, feeling unnerved and annoyed that Dougie’s words are parallel to his own train of thought, and causing his companion to fall silent. It’s not that he isn’t grateful of Dougie’s offer of childminding, but he’d quite like to spend the whole weekends with Toby now that they spend the bulk of their weekdays apart. I love how this isn't speach, or out-right thoughts, but it is his thoughts, and it feels as if you're looking into his head, which is good :weird

Tom rubs his eyes as the late-afternoon sun attacks them, the rays glaring smugly at him as the blustery weather robs him of their heat. Description here = :cheese:

Toby's grandparents seem like a pooey bunch :grr: I have the horrible gut feeling they want Toby more permanantly than a few visits, and that is not gonna settle with me :hand:

I'm gonna stop quoting bits now, but oh my gosh, Danny just started singing (I have All About You on still :tehe: I'm suprised you haven't noticed) and I almost started crying Damn you :XD

I love this, and I cannot wait for the next update. Don't stop writing
I love you :arms:

(I don't remember getting the email for this, so I don't think it's sent out? Just go and nudge people that it's been updated.)

This story makes me cry like a baby...I made the somewhat huge mistake of reading this before bed...really not a good idea. I was crying myself to sleep!! But, it's a testament to how good the story is that your story reduces people to that state during and after reading. It's beautifully written, with lively, larger than life, believable characters and an intriguing plot line too. The twists are really intriguing. You seem to truly understand the pain you're writing about.
More soon??

this story is amazing.
from the story line to the way it's written.
i'm not really a fan of slash stories.
but this one makes me want to read more.

i almost cried at the end of this chapter.
but while reading either the last chapter or the one before it i couldn't stop crying!
can't wait for more =]
again, this story is amazing!
=]

<3
I LOVE YOU.
And I LIVE IN HERTFORDSHIRE.
One day, I'm sending you the best review ever, it will be so good everyone who sees it will spontaneously combust and be like "whut? vicky wrote a review?"

This is gorgeous and I'm on the verge of tears, and I agree with Isa ^ It's long but is so easy to read in a matter of minutes, when usually it takes me bloody ages :arms:

“Don’t you dare get ice-creamy fingers on my shirt, young man,” First line, and you manage to make me smile. he almost drops the memory captured in his hands. EEK. I love how you described a photo as a memory capture in his hands! It's so simple, yet it emulates the emotion of the moment. Something cute and sweet, something sad in passing remembrance. Man I need to read the rest of this story, it's so adorable <3

Three beaming faces shine out at him, trapped behind glass and framed by delicate wrought iron and crystals. The inclusion of the word 'crystals' really did wonders for the flow. It seemed so lovely-- sentimentally so.

Must I say, your third person just flows. It manages the right amount of description and emotion, yet with a signature style injected into it.

an inside out t-shirt I love little details, and I love that ^_^

The youngest gets all the attention, it’s true…”

“Would you like me to wipe your arse while I’m at it?” I love the banter. It seems so natural, so familiar and so them.

“My boss is nearly sixty and his name is Giacomo.” Giamaco. Why. WHY xDD

picking strands of grated cheddar from between the edges of his sandwich before discarding the crusts onto the table. Well I do love the simplicity of your imagery in this one. It's like every day things, and we don't see enough of that anywhere.

I’m not gay, you big poof,” Orly? -tehe-

a blur of coloured wax Never would have thought of that in a million years. And it's so obvious, yet unique.

I love the setting in the beginning of the pub scene--it was more on events than the actual place, and it set the mood more effectively.

If they think my best mate’s a boring fart then what’re they going to think of me?” Oh, lololololol.

Painted in the flecks of maya blue is the vision of a lone figure in a desolate graveyard, hunched over a small grave as rain pelts from the sky above. His breath catches in his throat, and he coughs it away as Harry’s smile falters. This review sucks balls, and I'm really sorry. I just can't find anything wrong, and I'm forced to ass-kiss all the way. Why must this story be so well-written?

Tom’s awkward silence quickly determines the rate at which his drink disappears. Little details and simplicity. The attention paid to those two things in this fic is astounding and makes for the brilliance of it.

He does not elaborate on the reason why he felt the need to punch his own reflection, nor the real cause of why he wasn’t feeling himself at the time. Harry does not push him, and for this Tom is extremely grateful. I can sense something here. It's that beauty of knowing people who don't care about your past, and simply want to accept you for the person you are now.

empty stretch of mahogany to order from. So pretty . One of my favorite things about this, aside from the ones mentioned above, is that even if it's pretty long, it just all passes by as you read it. There are no useless filler scenes either, nothing unnecessary, and they all somehow contribute to the wonderful quality of it.
Sigh

I love it
Update soon :cute:
Or else I will steal Tom from you :file:

JB ~~:arms:

It's all aboutttttt you, (about you) it's all about you samwich, it's all about youuuuuuuuu.
Just letting you know we're dancing to this at our wedding.
:cute:

Argh first of all sorry for taking so bloody long to leave this feedback. I swear, I fail at doing these things on time so I'm very sorry for making you wait. I've just had a backlog of reviews since I left a few weeks ago and they kind of snowballed. Sorry about that. I hope this will make up for the wait. But knowing my stubborn inability to review decently as of recently, this won't be an amazing comment. You deserve a better comment than this.

Thank you for the deds, and pfft. I liked the length (I'm more comfortable reading and reviewing shorter length pieces), and I don't think it was any less than your usual standard. :arms:

I love the contrast between the two sections of this update, especially. The first part was all cute and smushy, and the second part was a bit darker and we learn a lot more about Tom's character as a whole.

Like how Tom feels kind of awkward around Harry. Tom feels his palms begin to clam up and presses them to the sides of his glass, allowing the heat to melt out of his hands as he takes a large gulp of the beer. He's not sure that he wants to be in a situation like this, and the fact that his hands become clammy implies that he's nervous with where he is right now. He can't bring himself to even look at Harry and I guess he's a little scared.

The line when Tom said he punched a mirror and broke his hand was absolutely heartbreaking. He's not at ease with his reflection any more and by punching the mirror I think he wants to punch himself. He hates himself and has days where he just feels lower than low. It makes me feel sad that he feels this way, I want him to get better.

Harry seems a little similar to Tom, too. He almost flies from his seat and the brunette by the bar smiles seductively at him again, but he just brushes past her roughly to find an empty stretch of mahogany to order from. He's self-concious around people paying an interest to him and I think he feels a little bit awkward being around others, just like Tom.

And that concludes my incredibly shitty feedback. I'm sorry. My feedback-leaving skills have got so awful recently. This was great though and deserved better feedback than this.

Sam, dear. You are so talented, it's incredible. Okay, let's see if I can sum up all my happy feelings right now.

For one thing: Booyah, I was right. Harry was the guy in the graveyard. :tehe: Sorry, I couldn't resist.

I love how Dougie is the matchmaker, and how he is so obvious about it. It's very endearing, seeing your characterization of him, it just seems so real. I can see him being like that in real life. Plus, him throwing food at Tom was adorable.

I was a little bummed there was less Toby in this one, since I love the little guy oh so much. But I got Harry as compensation, so it's all good. I especially love how you put little mistakes in his speech (the biggest one I noticed was "drawed" ). Not a lot of writers I've seen can do that, can make their children sound like children. You know? Most of the time I see five year olds speaking like they're sixteen and it just doesn't work, but with you Toby sounds like a five year old. It makes me smile.

What really made me laugh was Tom's insistence that Dougie's gay. It actually reminds me of my friends. :XD The comedy and the sadness flow together in a way that is just brilliant, Sam. I could never entwine the two like you can.

When Harry first said something to Tom about sports, all I could think of was, "She has to mention cricket." and sure enough, there was a mention of Harry being a cricket fan. I love it when I'm reading fan fiction and the author puts little things about the real person in there.

What else can I really say? It was fantastic, although a little evil. How dare you leave off on such a mysterious place. :grr: I want to know more about Harry and how the rest of the "date" went. Did it go all awkward from there or did it loosen them? Did Harry go emo for the time? Did they exchange numbers?

And, because I detect some Harry/Tom going on...I wonder how Toby will react to Harry? I guess I'll just have to wait and see on that one.

:arms:

Sam, this is astounding. This will be short, I'm tired from my art exam.
“Don’t you dare get ice-creamy fingers on my shirt, young man,”
People say that to me and I'm 16. I love how you capture his character, and how I can imagine the characters saying these things.

I also enjoy how you make day-to-day things really interesting, as we care about the characters and want to know in detail how they act and respond to things.

“The lady in the white coat said I was good for eating up all my dinner,” I've decide our mibba child is exactly like Toby but with a mcfly name like... Douganny, or Tarry. Hahahahaha.
I'm gonna photoshop it and make it happen...
But yeah, loved that line quite a lot.

“Shame,” Dougie sighs. “Lizards are way cooler than sheep. Sheep are -” :lmfao

The pungent perfume of hops and yeast saturates the air in the small establishment. The pub is busy tonight; crowds of women linger at the bar (right in Dougie’s line of sight, as he keeps mentioning every five minutes) and men of all ages are crammed in the best seats in front of the television, which is blaring out the commentary of a rugby match: France vs. Wales. Wales score a try and there is a deafening uproar of cheers from British patriots, making Tom wince. Dougie leans back leisurely in his seat – both of them are more football fans than rugby, and Tom wonders why Dougie couldn’t have arranged this for a night where the pubs aren’t bursting full of rowdy sport fans.Puuuuuuuuuuub.
I liked that paragraph, especially the first line, as it made was actually a really good decription, blahblahblah, this review is going to shit because I'm dead on my feet.
Anyways.

I SEE HARRY LOVE BLOSSOMING.
I loved the paragraph about Harry, it was like... a wordy version of how hot he is.
“Harry’s one of those mad blokes looking for ‘the one’,” he quietly informs them

Awww, Harry!
Anywho, I'll stop there, this review is not in-depth at all, because I'm a lazy little monkey.
But seriously, this is the best story ever. So so so original and like... makes me cry and shit :arms:
iloveitloads.

Great chapter!

harry's the guy that was at the cemetary right? i really wish you would update more, you're writing is spectacular, and even when your chapters are short they are still quite lengthy compared to most fanfics.

Double post, sorry internet problems.

Story Review Game
I'm reviewing chapter five, as you requested. Here 'tis.

The first four chapters, basically amazing. I'm so impressed by the details and all the descriptions.

The first paragraph is reminiscent of the perfection in the first half of the story. :D A reader can totally feel the relationship between the characters. I love the way the react to each other. That's always where I fail. :P

My Internet is flitting around, and I don't want to lose anything so I'm doing a short and hopefully thorough review now, and if you feel like I didn't cover enough just let me know and I'll go through it again.

I love the humor in it, the main characters are living in adverse atmosphere, and then there's a dry joke here and there, awesome.

I'm just reading the comments above, and who's Harry? Did I miss something?

Ok I met Harry, how did the other readers know he'd be in the story? I'm totally missing something. :think:

The conversation they have in the pub, talking about their small passions really brings about the character. It's those details that make a character realistic. I could go into a whole lecture right now about how Shakespeare began the detailing and characterization. I won't. :tehe:
Same with the part about punching the mirror, that subtly brings about his past without making it into a big deal.

I loved that last bit, as Dougie was slightly drunk. The foreshadowing is great. :) Sorry for the short review, my internet is being stupid and it's really late, and I have to get up early. :/