March 4th, 2010 at 05:06am
Okay, so let me apologize for being so late. I'm sorry. :( There's been a lot of crap going on! ;D I'm going to start out reading the first 5 chapters tonight, if I get to more, then that's great. If not, I may have to continue this later.
Thank you for submitting your story, here goes;
Chapter One; I like how you start off by treating this exactly like a blog. :D It's like it's a real person actually blogging, I like that. I also really really like how you introduced every single brother, all ten of them, and you had something different to say about each one, which was nice, because usually the writer doesn't introduce their characters very well, and it's just a foggy read, but you did a wonderful job with that. :D
Fourteen years ago on the day Samson was born, all eleven of us lost out mother due to complication during childbirth. And Samson has never forgiven himself for that.
Sad. :( This chapter is very well written, and intriguing.
Chapter Two; Hahahaha, 'We had to watch worms hump' :D I like that. It was a fresh, original idea, and you're right; it's funny shit. :D
I don't like the sound of their father. He sounds like a creeper. I like how you went through at the end and mentioned what he thought of each boy; it really made for a good set up, making Scar the perfect child, which probably aggravates her to no end.
I love the way you have this written. I have a journal and it's written somewhat like this; no rethinking, no thought processes, only what's on my mind and how pissed off I am about it.
You did a really good job capturing what exactly a blog is.
Chapter Three; You may want to explain what a shanook is; I've no idea what that is. :D hahaha. But, I like once again, how she mentions only the good things this time, obviously really excited, and quickly outlining her week; much like a real journal would do.
Chapter Four; OMG, I love how you put pictures of the boys in there! That just made it so perfect, if someone was blogging about all these people, they'd want pictures, and wow. You just totally have it all down. Great job.
Chapter Five; Very good, again with all the pictures. Although, I really like the whole idea with the father's dinner guest, I am a bit confused. About the dad. Is he rich? And do they live with him? I'm just confused on that, so you may want to clear it up a bit.
Chapter Six; Oooh, Gennie's sick? :/ I like how you came up with the threat. Great job with that, because that's something someone would say about another person's blogg, and you just really have this all in line. You've already thought of everything, and you're not missing anything.
Chapter Seven; I love how Scar is so angry about making her dad hurt Ashley. That small part was really sad. And, I liked how it was over so fast, I mean. If you were writing about that, and it was true, you wouldn't want it to drag on and last forever, so the fact that it was ended short, was just amazing.
Chapter Eight; Again, with the shortness because of the situation. And she ran, huh? I probably would have ran too, sad situation.
Chapter Nine; Wow. That painting you found is absolutely amazing. And I really loved the idea you used to bring it into the story. that was just amazing.
Chapter Ten; What happened with Kimberely Ann and Roan? I would like to know. :D And I love how you made Scar scared at the end, her world is falling apart and she just wants to die. I know that sounds bad of me to say I loved it, but I did. It's just so real.
Chapter Eleven; Oh, she left him? What a bitch. :( And the father just shrugged? Wow. You did great with the character development with that creeper. I can tell he is just a giant piece of shit.
Chapter Twelve; What Gennie said to Scar... That's horrid. :( That would make me so sad. And I know I'm kind of contradicting myself here.. But I think this chapter could have used a bit more emotion, I mean, her best friend is dying, and Scar can't do anything about it; she should be way more upset than she is.
Chapter Thirteen; You did really good with this chapter. I'm starting to figure out that their father is rich? And he is very old fashioned, doing what he wants, arranging marriages, and sacrificing others.
Chapter Fourteen; Jesus. What a twat. That Kiba and her dad.
Chapter Fifteen; You did a really good job with this whole story. Poor Scar. :(
I love how you tied the name in with the song, the character and the way she died, you did an amazing job on this story. It's written perfectly wrong, meaning a story might have more emotion and explanation, but this was a blog and it didn't have to be explanatory.
Great job.
If you'd like banner, please let me know.
And pretty original too! It was totally drama filled and heart wrenching. and I nearly cried at the very end!
Really well done! :D Poor, poor Scar!