Winter Wakes - Comments

  • kamikasey

    kamikasey (100)

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    What??? It's over!!? Oh my gosh, this story is so well thought out, and it's amazing that it's your first. I loved the complete development between the two of them, and I loved in the first chapter how you talked about the layout. I like the layout, so I though it was really funny. Anyways, this was amazing, and i'm excited to see the sequel!
    October 15th, 2013 at 06:58am
  • lou...

    lou... (100)

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    I’ve read only first chapter so far, so I can’t be a really fair judge. However I do plan to subscribe and read more.
    I think dialogue is a great way to start a story. It’s lively and it catches your attention immediately. Your writing style is polished, there’s enough description and there are no awkward stops or time skips that would leave me confused.
    The last two sentence of the chapter are very intriguing, they urge the reader’s to continue, and therefore I believe them to be a success.

    The chapter is a little bit long for my personal taste, but I am a bit tired, so it’s nothing to worry about.
    July 12th, 2013 at 05:46pm
  • Midnights_Anthem

    Midnights_Anthem (100)

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    *Comment Swap*

    God.Damn

    I could smell the scent of Maggie's father's funeral home. I actually felt what Maggie was going through when she peeked into the casket, only to see the dead body of the boy that she was just previously talking to. This is great, really. Your use of the literary elements to pull a reaction out of the reader is just mesmerizing. I felt like I was a participant at this wake as well. Fantastic job, really.

    Keep on writing, friend. Don't ever stop :)
    June 22nd, 2013 at 08:50pm
  • RaeStardust.

    RaeStardust. (100)

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    Comment swap-

    Wow. The summary drew me instantly. I love the layout, it's simple and makes it very easy to read.
    You have such great descriptions and I like how fleshed out Maggie and her father is. I've only read the first chapter. but I'm hooked!
    May 8th, 2013 at 03:39pm
  • Zorua

    Zorua (100)

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    Hey, I'm here for comment swap. :)

    Already, the summary drew me in. You've started out well with descriptions and already I can tell the dynamics of the family. :) Here's a few tips I can offer:

    In this sentence: “I am sorry, Mags, but you know, I’m doing this for you,” My middle aged father stood looking sincerely apologetic in the archway of our living room as I glanced up briefly." be careful about the dialog tags. Instead of a comma ending it, it should be a period unless it goes on with "he said" "she said". Also, instead of starting out with her father standing in the doorway, put "I glanced up" (also, you don't need "briefly"; a glance is already brief) and then move onto the middle-aged father. So the whole thing should look like: "I'm sorry, Mags, but you know, I'm doing this for you." I glanced up and saw my middle-aged father standing sincerely apologetic in the archway of our living room." That seems a little less muddled than before.

    Also, you could cut down the description of Maggie getting dressed, that slows the narrative down a bit. As a general rule, description slows things down, and dialog speeds it up. I think dialog is unnecessary in this part, so cutting description and moving on with the plot will speed it up here. Keep an eye out for that and don't be afraid to cut unnecessary parts. :)

    Hope this helps!
    May 4th, 2013 at 08:37pm
  • unforgivable.

    unforgivable. (100)

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    AMAZING STORY!
    I was originally only going to read the first two or three chapters, but you had me hooked by the first one! I was up until the wee hours of the morn' reading this. The plot is totally unique and original, definitely don't think I've read a story like this before. I love how alive (pardon the pun) the characters felt and how deep and real you made them. I thoroughly enjoy a story with interesting and dynamic characters -- adds to the story in a way many people don't appreciate but should. Your writing style is really good, and you're good at describing without overdoing it. Just the way you handled the situation and plot of the story blew me away. I liked the point of view you chose to write in, and how you stuck with it until the very end. God, and the way you built emotion and drew your audience into the story was beautiful.

    This was honestly one of the best stories I've read on this site, so far!
    Definitely subscribing to the sequel!

    x
    May 1st, 2013 at 08:52pm
  • ZeroToHero

    ZeroToHero (100)

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    This is unique. Never did have a thing for ghost stories but hey it was worth the read!
    I enjoyed it, it was lovely.

    -Comment Swap-

    -cora-
    February 15th, 2013 at 05:01pm
  • kountoall

    kountoall (100)

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    4th time reading and I always cry at the end it's beautiful and to me a masterpiece. You know how to put the pain and lost into words so wonderfully. Hun you got a big future ahead of you in this business.
    January 19th, 2013 at 09:40am
  • Roxz

    Roxz (100)

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    I don't usually read stuff with ghosts, but this story was... fantastic! You're really good. Loved your story Very Happy
    January 16th, 2013 at 05:07pm
  • Yakitori

    Yakitori (100)

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    I got this from Comment Swap but I was really excited when I read the summary since this is the type of story that I would have read regardless.

    I was very impressed and not at all disappointed! Your writing has such a wonderful quality to it that I think this could be published and sold right along the other paranormal books out there. Really such a fantastic story and I'm so glad I discovered it.
    December 29th, 2012 at 01:18pm
  • slumflower

    slumflower (100)

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    -COMMENT SWAP-

    but I was unwilling let it have its way.
    unwilling to let it have its way.

    for you,” My middle
    you could either lowercase the M or you could change the comma into a period since a comma is used to continue describing the dialogue. Those are just the first two mistakes that I noticed right away and your spelling is pretty much impeccable just a few grammar errors here and there throughout the chapters.

    I like that Mags admits that she's not perfect that she's selfish and whatnot; that she was characteristics that are bad and not all 'perfect'. I think the way you started off the story was very nice because it pretty much acted as a hook, pulling the reader in and giving a sense of mystery. Right away, the layout gave me a creepy and sort of eerie feeling and that increased my curiosity in the story. (sorry for commenting on the layout lol.) Anyways I also loveloveloved, the way you described the family in the first chapter! The parents were described perfectly, up to the point where I felt as if I were standing in the room, looking at them myself. The imagery was on point and I loved the vivid description, especially about the husband and his almost cruel like nature from his physical appearance.

    I was so done by the end of the second chapter, I was so not expecting for him to have been a ghost - I mean, everything was so clearly described in the first chapter so by the time I was finished with the second chapter I was on the edge of my seat. I've read these types of stories before and I'm really glad that you started the way you did with your character, normally in a situation a little bit unexpected with her father and then BAM! she just met a ghost. I think that was very clever.

    This was definitely an interesting story and I'll be subbing :)
    November 27th, 2012 at 12:53am
  • goatman

    goatman (100)

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    I'm going to cry this is so pretty.
    Your writing style is a very unique one, one that you would actually see in novels and not usually online, so just wow. The plot sounds absolutely fantastic, and I've never seen anything like it before, which is even rarer to come by. You can be sure that I'm going to keep reading and even read the sequel because wow.
    And, it's spooky! I absolutely love anything paranormal.
    November 3rd, 2012 at 04:18am
  • aubree james.

    aubree james. (300)

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    I really like your idea, your layout, and your characters. I feel like you have a really fantastic precision on how this should work, and how life for this girl should be. Everything it steady and makes sense, which is always super sweet.

    The only suggestion I have is that you may be too wordy. I feel like you have too many descriptive words in some parts and so the points you're trying to convey are often lost. Sentences, paragraphs, whatever - they're like steaks. You get rid of the fat.

    Anyway, fantastic story! I hope you keep writing it!
    October 24th, 2012 at 02:07am
  • Monroe;

    Monroe; (615)

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    Awesome! The layout was firstly very intriguing and very spooky, a perfect pre-halloween story for me to read. I can't imagine having a father as a funeral director, how creepy!

    You have a lovely writing style, it's very drawing. I like how you captured my imagination. I'm a very hard person to please with reading, but you did the job for me!

    I was intrigued from the beginning and I'm going to come back to read some more of this.
    October 22nd, 2012 at 10:30pm
  • SpaghettiHoop

    SpaghettiHoop (100)

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    Amazing. So amazing. You are an incredibly talented writer who is so very adept at making readers feel. I didn't even notice that you'd made me cry until I was no longer able to blink away the tears and had to actually reach for a tissue. So much of this was... heartbreaking.
    I don't believe that I'll be able to properly articulate the praise I want to give, because I tend to fail epically at these comment things but I'm going to try.
    I was once told that the greatest compliment you can pay a choreographer or a director is to tell them that their work does not feel scripted. I'm hoping that the significance of such a compliment translates to the written word when I say, I read all of Winter Wakes and the chapters of Summer Shadows but I did not feel as though I read it at all. I felt as though I experienced it in gloriously vivid Technicolour while you artfully twisted, and tugged, and squeezed and clutched at my heartstrings.
    I am so very very glad that ProjectFicton allowed me to discover this beautifully written story and I look forward to the rest of the sequel. You're brilliant! :)
    October 15th, 2012 at 06:02pm
  • rosamarie

    rosamarie (1045)

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    well, one last comment for this amazing story. I started breaking down at the end of chapter 35, and by the time I got to chapter 36, I had to remove myself from the livingroom and retreat to my room so that my parents wouldn't ask why I was crying xD haha, I've been reading this story since probably 12 in the afternoon today, and it's nearly 9 at night, so that should tell you something about how I feel about this story. It's amazing, and keep up the good work on the sequel! I hope you get this published
    October 4th, 2012 at 03:45am
  • rosamarie

    rosamarie (1045)

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    Haha, had to comment again; just read chapter four. I LOVE Simon xD I know most people should hate him cause he's an ass, but for some reason, they're the fun characters to me.
    October 3rd, 2012 at 08:02pm
  • rosamarie

    rosamarie (1045)

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    Okay, I stopped after the first chapter, but only because I want to read more, and knowing me (and the fact that I'm home sick with nothing to do) I wouldn't comment without reading all of this and what you have of the next one xD

    So far from what I've read (and I did pay attention to what you had about comment swap, which is what brought me here), you have a good writing style. I find it hard sometimes to write in first person and get details in which I would like, but you do it beautifully in my opinion, and so far, even in only one chapter, you've made me like the main character.
    October 3rd, 2012 at 07:18pm
  • isaac sexhey;

    isaac sexhey; (100)

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    I. AM. BAWLING.
    Someone recommended this, and I (more of a fanfiction reader), was iffy about reading it. But this, this is such a beautiful story! I loved Simon's personality and how well you portrayed it, I love the screwed up connection between Maggie and Simon. EVERYTHING. FITS. PERFECTLY.
    I have never cried over stories... except for Harry Potter. But I bawled at the end. I STILL have tears streaming down my face.
    I am now going to read the sequel. I just had to comment and tell you this. If you need a banner or anything like that for this or the sequel, please let me know. :D
    <3<3
    August 15th, 2012 at 09:39am
  • pawnsinplay

    pawnsinplay (100)

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    I'm here from Comment Swap. First off, when I saw how many chapters there were to read, I was a bit shocked. I only planned on reading the first chapter and basing my comment from that, but that didn't seem fair since I pretty much got hooked after half of chapter 1. It was a great opening, a great way to introduce the main character and a vague idea of the plot. So I kept reading. And reading. And the more I read, the more I loved. Not only are you a talented writer, but this story is so different from anything I've ever read. I would challenge anyone to show me another story on this site about a family who owns a funeral home; I doubt there is one. And falling in love with a ghost? I've read similar ideas, but didn't enjoy them half as much as this. I love the emotion, and all the twists and turns. The ending was perfect. I'm very glad I was given this story, and am moving on to the prequel now. Excellent job <3
    August 13th, 2012 at 11:38pm