The Alphabet of Demise - Comments

I love the song, love the fic, love both bands.. and this fic is amzing! Cant wait for it to be finished

I know I've commented before, obviously ^^^
But I re-read this story again, and it was just as amazing.

Wow, this was fantastic, very well written, it made me squeal. That's hard to do.

I absolutely loved it, word for word. I love how the lyrics change at the end to suit the story. I love how it seems like a normal story at the begining and then turns into the beautiful writing that it is, a fan fic no less. Most likely the best 'horror' I've read so far, most likely the best fanfic as well. Very good, but I do wonder how your taste in music led you to such a fun song.

I straightened the bow tie secured around my neck, lifting and angling my chin slightly so I could see it better.

I loved how you started out with this seemingly innocent sentence. It made me think that this could possibly be a fluffy, happy story. But then...

The tall mirror hanging on my bedroom wall was still fragmented and splattered with blood from my latest kill, making it insufferably difficult to find a shard of silvered glass large enough to reflect even part of my face. Nevertheless, I thought it added a nice touch and really completed the room, and thus far I was planning to leave it where it hung. Besides, if I threw it away, there would be a void of ghastly white plaster amidst the brilliant trails of arterial blood spatter, and it would look just horrid.

I was set straight. :tehe: This paragraph was really brilliantly done. Your descriptions are chilling!

I licked a finger and smeared my eyebrows into place, then checked my smile one last time to see that my teeth matched my suit perfectly with a gleaming, pure white that made the wall look dingy. Once I was certain of this, I tossed a top hat on my head and left the room to go downstairs and greet the first batch of arriving guests. I couldn’t be a rude host by showing up late to my own dinner party.

Okay, this paragraph made me second guess Curtis again. He sounds so polite, so handsome! He's concerned about his guests, and his appearance. I love it.

I allowed myself a second sinister smile before stepping off the stairs and moving silently into the light of the front foyer.

Love this sentence. Love, love, love, love, love this sentence. Okay, moving on. :tehe:

“Alright. Is the band ready?” I asked with the lightest trace of sarcasm. He nodded once with the same emotionless expression he had displayed since his arrival, and the song began.

“A is for Amber who drowned in a pool,
B is for Billy who was eaten by ghouls,
C is for Curt with disease of the brain,
D is for Daniel derailed on a train…”

The song pretty much makes it. This paragraph honestly says so much about Curtis's personality, the things he's done, without coming right out and informing us. Good job.

I couldn’t keep a smirk off my face as I recited the condensed version of each tragic tale. I tried to catch Gerard’s eye to share a little of the excitement now coursing through me, but he remained intently focused on the band, perhaps more than he needed to be. I knew they had performed countless times before with only a single cue from him, as any good jazz band should be able to do. He was sidestepping my gaze, acting almost as if he was in a daze, caught up in some other situation. Every other year, he had gladly joined in on my antics, adding his own brand of flair to the performance. But right now, he was holding back, as if he didn’t even want to be there.

I keep trying to find something to tell you to improve upon, but honestly, I can't. You're an amazing author, my friend. I love how Curtis is trying to get Gerard to share in his excitement, but Gee is holding back, like he's nervous. You conveyed that perfectly without coming straight out and telling us.

“He would be alive is what would have happened!” he shouted suddenly. I stared at him with the barest hint of sympathy, softening my gaze just a little until he calmed down and spoke again to break the sudden silence. “You killed my brother, Curtis. Stop acting like I’m supposed to forgive you for it.”

Here we find out why Gerard had a bone to pick with Curtis. I really sympathized with Gee here.

Even surrounded by attacking ghouls bent on tearing his flesh apart, Gerard kept his aim true. The bullet struck dead center between my eyes before I could even recognize that he had pulled the trigger. An enraged cry from the crowd set their fury into motion, and they viciously attacked him, clawing at his flailing limbs and wrestling him to the ground to finish what they had started. I smiled as I fell, closing my eyes as life slipped away from me.

What a wonderfully gory demise.

C is for Curtis who was shot in the brain,
L is for Lyn who was brutally slain,
M is for Mikey who was stabbed through the heart,
G is for Gerard whom the dead ripped apart.

One by one, we bite the dust,
Kick the bucket, begin to rust.
Give up the ghost when your number’s up,
We all fall down.

Okay, so, this ending was pure gold. The way Gerard took revenge on Curtis, and how Curtis wasn't even fazed was just brilliant.

All in all, this was one of the best horror stories I've ever read. I'm not famous for being into them, but yours kept me intrigued. Your descriptions are glorious, especially when you're writing gore, and the way you developed characters kept me guessing.

Good job, and congratulations on Third Place!

P.S- The guy in the picture in the bottom of the story layout is completely and totally a beast. Can I get his name? :tehe:

Holy crow. I have to say, this is the most incredible horror-type story I've ever read on here. So amazing!

Good work!

First off I would like to make this observation...

Curtis = The Tenth Doctor = David Tennant = Matt Bellamy

*waits for minds to totally blow*

Are we all okay now? Anyone need me to call 911?

No?...Okay then...now what was I talking about? OH. The Story, of course.

I thought it was awesome as usual.

Very creative use of a song by making a story behind the song.
You kept me shocked because I thought Curtis and Gerard were just normal business partners, but no, of course not. It wouldn't be your story if they were . I loved how you tied Lyn's death in with the beginning of the story.

Then there was The Ending.

It was perfect, no one won and no one came out on top. Everyone dies, perfect tragedy.

Wonderful, again. Keep Writing.

Holy woah. I kind of think you out-do yourself each time with every one-shot. Seriously, I was all over Ninja!Bob verse with a Modern Myth, and then you introduce this universe into your story, and it's such a... rich mix of sadism and ole magic. It's what all my favourite stories should include.

An element that I liked about the story, though:

The beginning of this story right up until the guests started feasting was great. It's like, you know there is this underlaying of something darker (especially with the little rhyme) going on but you're so caught up in this sort of home-ly, golden circus/carnival feel of the banquet. Also, this is my favourite sentence:

Dinner passed with the usual amount of casual conversation and the occasional sound of half-chewed food plopping onto the floor due to someone missing half of a face.

Maybe that end bit shouldn't have made me laugh that much. XD

The ending was true horsie-esque, true to form. Now, one of my favourites, again, from you.

I don't really even know this Curtis guy or anything about Creature Feature, but if this is what you produce with one of their songs, oh man, keep 'em coming.

Wow. I've never heard that song before but it's as amazing as your story!

xx