Nicotine - Comments

Damn that made me want to cry.
But I'm emotionally inept.
But if I wasn't, tears would be streaming down my face right now.

xx

Ohmygosh.

I had to stop reading halfway through because I was crying so much.

It didn't really help.

Let me tell you, a story has never made me cry this much before. Ever. Not even published ones.

It was just amazing. You write so beautifully. Please, please tell me you're going to get a book published one day.

I think your stories are always so beautiful, sometimes hauntingly so. You really don't get the recognition you deserve.

I think writing it in second person made it that much more...poignant. It was almost like he was praying or something, trying to communicate with Ryan.

It jumped around, telling us little bits and snippets of information that all came together in the end to make up one heart-wrenching picture.

I love that when Ryan told him he was dying, The last cigarette to ever touch my lips, fell between my fingers, and onto the forest floor.

I just found that really beautiful, and the way Ryan was watching the cigarette as he said those words that tore Brendon apart.

I love that Brendon felt so guilty. That sounds really mean, but you know what I mean, right? It was like, no matter how much Ryan told him not to blame himself, he still would, just because it happened, and he was there, and he loved him.

And when Ryan said he was sorry for ruining the plans...I didn' think it was possible to cry more, but I did.

And then I cried even more when Ryan said he wanted Brendon to move on and be happy. It was just so loving and heartfelt and...kind. There was another word, but I can't think of it right now.

Selfless, that's it.

Oh, man. I'm crying just thinking about it.

I felt so sorry for Brendon (which isn't even beginning to describe it) when he found out that Ryan was gone. And he wasn't even there...

. She took my face into her hands, and said, “he wanted me to tell you that he loved you, Brendon. And that he wants you to remember what he told you, that it’s not your fault.”

I curled up beside you, your body cold against mine and your skin pale. I lay there and waited for you to laugh, and say, ‘just kidding!’ like you used to do when we were kids. You didn’t.
I pressed my face into your shoulder as the tears began to fall, and whispered ‘I’m sorry’ into your shoulder, over and over and over again until our parents came in, forcing me away from you, your body.

Even now, reading those lines again, my heart is sinking, and my eyes are stinging.

I loved that Brendon did what Ryan asked him to. It leaves it on a slightly optimistic note, albeit with a bittersweet taste.

I don't know if any of what I just wrote made any sense - I'm still kind of emotional. And this is probably the longest comment I have ever written.

Thank you so much for writing this, and for posting it.

Words can't even describe how brilliant it is. So, I'm going to stop trying. =)

that was so sad! -cry- I loved it though. thanks for posting it :)