Protect Me From What I Want - Comments

I GOT IT RIGHT.
Anyways, moving on. x]
The way you describe the Cupid is kinda sleazy, seedy and just sex-infested really. My best bet, in relation to this phrase, all basically searching for the same thing they’d never find here anyway is that the patrons are searching for fulfillment in a sense, maybe emotional since there seems to be no shortage of the physical, at least from Gerard’s standpoint. Maybe just something to take their minds off their lives, their problems, if only for the evening.

The whole speculation about control was interesting; how it was said that Billy had control, while Gerard didn’t. And it made me think. Billy has control of the situations he gets into because of his job. Yet, maybe Gerard doesn’t have control because he can’t seem to control his own actions? I don’t know what it is exactly, but I like the fact that most nicknames Billy has for him have the word ‘boy’ in them. It just exudes this sense that Billy has control over Gerard, in the same way that an elder person would have control over someone younger. And the request for milk emphasizes that, while being sarcastically funny on Billy’s part. The conversation which follows has a nice sense of wittiness too; they just seem to be trying to outsmart the other with their banter, and I just find it amusing. :tehe: It seems to be their way of flirting.

And the way that Gerard gets annoyed at the lack of attention from Billy, kinda relates back to that issue of control; he likes attention and thrives on it, but can’t control whether Billy gives it to him or not.

The descriptions of Gerard’s appearance are really beautiful, as a random little end-note.

I'm not the world's best with comments, but I had some time this morning and got a chane to have a little gander at the first chapter.

I loved it.

i think you're quite honestly one of the best authours I've seen on this site. One of my new found favourites.

I'll be reading the rest as soon as my college work lets me :tehe:

I can’t apologise enough for how long it’s taken me to comment on this, but hopefully the comment will make up for it a bit. I actually remember that one of the first stories I read on mibba when I was but a noob was It’s Not a Mistake If You Always Repeat it (which I still haven’t finished because I fail) and I admired how in that story you took a plotline, which, if done differently, wouldn’t have been realistic. In this story, it’s similar in a way. Even though, in reality, there’s a ten year age gap between Gerard and Billy, I don’t dwell on that while reading this. You manage to fit the two personas together, seamlessly even. You make the implausible plausible.

I loved the description throughout; it’s full of rich imagery and really portrays the characters and their relationships with others. You describe things in ways that I’d never think to. Like the phrase Blackmailing in bodily fluid. Gerard’s cynical when it comes to love, he seems so very bitter at some parts of this chapter, and I can’t help but wonder about the reasons behind it.

In chapter two, I was happy that you compared Gerard and Billy’s features. I kind of throught that the reason Gerard seemed attracted to Billy’s features after seeing him was because of their physical similarities. He knows that other people desire him, and that he has desirable features, but he hadn’t yet met someone who could compare to him until then. I don’t know if it was intended, but the fact that Billy called himself Blue made me think of the Smashing Pumpkins song of the same name. And I like his characterisation; he isn’t an outright ass, but he isn’t submissive either.

Chapter three is a step inside Gerard’s mind and eludes to the reasoning behind his coldness towards love, but it still leaves some mystery about it too. It’s almost as if it’s skirting around the reason, almost touching on it but not quite, as if Gerard’s just as reluctant to think about it. The rain on the mirror was a nice touch too.

Reading on, I love how your descriptions never plain throughout the story. I’ve said that somewhere back in this comment, but I just wanted to emphasise that when I read this: A single set of footsteps echoed off the grim streets as a pair of plain, black vans trudged down the littered pavement. Your writing has a personality to it. It flows well, and you have a wide vocabulary which works wonders at constructing the scenery. And even though the story’s in third person, there are still parts which follow a sort of train of thought pattern which helps to connect with the characters.

And I thought the inclusion of Mayonnaise and Spaceboy was clever. Towards the end of the chapter, it really appears that Gerard’s put Billy on a pedestal like some divine being. He doesn’t want to see Billy’s flaws because he wants him to be perfect and not like everybody else. I’m leaning towards Billy being a hooker; that’s the impression I got with the phonecall and the description of pained pleasure which resulted in money.

And, woah, that ending to chapter five was unexpected to say the least. Gerard seemed so cold and uncaring towards Matthew, which showed before in an emotional sense but that just appeared all the more brutal. He’s sure developed a fascination, perhaps bordering on obsession, with Billy.

So, once again, sorry for this taking ages. But you have a beautiful writing style.
And the song lyrics fit really well too.

ohhh...
you're the kind of writer that makes me actually like stories implying famous people - which is pretty damn rare, almost unique.
darling, I adored the Placebo lyrics and references, they're rare (too), but ever so fabulous.
and even if I've only gotten as far as the first chapter, I'm subscribing so I can read everything when I have time.
oh, and Merry Christmas.

okay, so this is the thing i'm on here for.
nothing to add. it's there.

xoxo keep writing.

Every damn story of yours that I read always sucks me in.

I was totally in there for like, I dunno...however long it took me to read...

xD

You're such an anus.

But a talented one at that.

:cheese: Ra-haype!

Poor old Matthew.

I have lots of friends called Matthew and two of them have blonde hair, so as you can imagine; bad mental images whilst reading that last chapter.

FANTASTIC

Can't wait for it to be finished; definitely a story I'll print out and save. It's so raw. :]

First of all, I liked how you did, Gerard didn’t like it, not one bit. Yes, he did like his boyfriend. But love him?, instead of stating who his boyfriend was right off the bat. If you did that, I probably wouldn't have continued reading. The way you did it made me want to continue.

I loved your descriptions. They were filled with emotion, but not over done. What I really liked was the way you described the tears. You didn't just stop at, or say, "He was close to crying." I liked how it went on for a few more sentences. It painted a better picture in my mind.

Also, the song. You kind of just threw it in there, but it fit perfectly with the chapter.

Thankyousomuch.
No, seriously. <33

OH. MY. GOD.Fashionably late, I finally checked out your writing like I said I would.
Would it be too clichéd to tell you that I'm completely blown away?
You're every bit as good as I've heard && then some, oo boy. :]]
Honestly, I love this story. It's like a fast-acting high.
&& 'cos I'm too stupid to compliment you accurately enough:

Collision Kiss.:

You remind me everything has it's own beauty. I wish I could see it like you.

:]]]]]]]]]]]]]]].

I'd just like to say that I hardly ever comment stories because most of them aren't worth my time, but this one absolutely is. The writing exhibited in this story is so rich in detail and feeling that I am practically dying without updates. Your are a stunning writer and this story blows my mind so please update soon.

You're writing is beautiful. It takes my breath away.

You said you're great at writing about nothing. Y'know I actually envy you that, I never spend enough time setting the scene. You, however, make me feel like I'm actually there... I can practically smell the tobacco smoke, the damp wood of the empty train wagon. You even made a lighter beautiful. A lighter. I swear I can actually hear hearts breaking. That's not writing about nothing, because somehow, you make it everything.
Is there anything in the writing world that you can't do?

You remind me everything has it's own beauty. I wish I could see it like you.

"One thing he asked at the beginning of every relationship, just one thing: I don't wanna fall in love."

Again as always a very enjoyable read.

Glad you liked it. A new one should be put up over the next three days. ;)

I'm so glad to see this updated! I waited forever and I knew that it would be worth it! You actually are extremely good at filler...I wish I could do that. Even if there is no "action," the talent and the precision is still there.

I'm glad I have a time frame within which to look forward to more. You are amazing. Thank you for updating.

AHHG! I knew it was worth subscribing to even though you promised you wouldn't update much. Because I totally know what it's like to only have time/inspiration every once in a while, or maybe all the time or both.

But DAMMIT I am jonesing for more here.

^^;

I hope you get a lot written in the time you're gone, and you can sneak us little scraps now and then, bit by bit. At least I know about how long it will be. ertbiqwubetd

I can't believe my feeble little suggestion is coming out like this. I absolutely fell in love with, just even with the first paragraph. How you can make something so complex and so REAL is beyond me. I'm so glad you responded to my idea. I'm definitely subscribing.

Wow this is a very good story.

I meen it, you one of the best writers on here.

Keep on writing =D

Aw, thank you guys. No comment is a bad comment. ;)
And Jerk, I get your point. I wrote the update at 3 am in sizzling heat. XD I'll make sure to keep the chopiness under control. XD Thanks. =)