The Painter - Comments

zillaidma:

wow, I wonder what Laura will be doing now. :shock: things just keep piling up and they make me wonder. Its all so awesome :D Is Kate going to find about Laura later?
DRAMA!!!
xoXO
zilly

easy zilly...
don't worry.. I'll update as soon as i can.. I can't reveal my secret!

wow, I wonder what Laura will be doing now. :shock: things just keep piling up and they make me wonder. Its all so awesome :D Is Kate going to find about Laura later?
DRAMA!!!
xoXO
zilly

zillaidma:

What a jerk. Max saying that to Michael. "Why don't you ask Kat? She's your girlfriend afterall." He could have said it differntly so it would've sounded less harsh =/
*slaps him imaginatively*

I love what it says on the other side of the brush! :D I think that if it were a movie or something like you want it to be, that would be a very famous quote :D *squeals* Its like bring fantasy to life!!! :)
Thou Shall Bring Life
Beneath The Fake, Lies The Real

Whoa : The old man sells something then decides to leave. Excellent! I believe this adds mystery to your story!! :D It gives the reader a lock in the brain of curositiy to see what will happen next! :D :D That is awesome! *high fives*
The way the man sold the brush and decides to move away reminds me of the movie The Haunting Hour
But I think this one would be a better movie if it got to be one :D

That's sad. Kate doesn't have time for Michael. Does she even like him???? @,@
Uh-oh...Raffael will be doing evil deeds, right? @__@ Well, that's what i think since you said he's always been jealous of Michael being the favorite. This adds more drama. WHEEE!!! *squeals in delight*

Whoa..I wonder if Michael will use the drawing of the girl to jealous Kate...hee hee hee
I am beginning to like this story. i shal subscribe :)
WHEEE!!!
Though, it was a bit hard to read the story towards the end because of the orange background touching the words. And also the font.
But all in all, I love your story *thumbs up, claps, and throws roses, confetti, and cooked rice!*
xoXO
zilly

Haunting Hour?! I watched it! It's awesome! I like the girl!
She's so cool! BTW thanks!

What a jerk. Max saying that to Michael. "Why don't you ask Kat? She's your girlfriend afterall." He could have said it differntly so it would've sounded less harsh =/
*slaps him imaginatively*

I love what it says on the other side of the brush! :D I think that if it were a movie or something like you want it to be, that would be a very famous quote :D *squeals* Its like bring fantasy to life!!! :)
Thou Shall Bring Life
Beneath The Fake, Lies The Real

Whoa : The old man sells something then decides to leave. Excellent! I believe this adds mystery to your story!! :D It gives the reader a lock in the brain of curositiy to see what will happen next! :D :D That is awesome! *high fives*
The way the man sold the brush and decides to move away reminds me of the movie The Haunting Hour
But I think this one would be a better movie if it got to be one :D

That's sad. Kate doesn't have time for Michael. Does she even like him???? @,@
Uh-oh...Raffael will be doing evil deeds, right? @__@ Well, that's what i think since you said he's always been jealous of Michael being the favorite. This adds more drama. WHEEE!!! *squeals in delight*

Whoa..I wonder if Michael will use the drawing of the girl to jealous Kate...hee hee hee
I am beginning to like this story. i shal subscribe :)
WHEEE!!!
Though, it was a bit hard to read the story towards the end because of the orange background touching the words. And also the font.
But all in all, I love your story *thumbs up, claps, and throws roses, confetti, and cooked rice!*
xoXO
zilly

thanks for all the advice.... I'm really bad in English

Have you considered making this into a proper script? This is a good idea, but it seems like your wavering between present tense (has, is, buys - more like stage directions) and past tense (had, was, bought - more like a story). Your combination of past and present tense makes it a little confusing for the reader, so choose one either way and stick to it.

I think this would do quite well as a script since your dialogue is quite strong. It would also mean that you don't have to spend oodles of time thinking up vast descriptions to pad out the story and can instead focus on your characters - since this is a character driven plot.

On the whole, this is a very good idea. I'm interested to see where you take it :)

So far, it sounds like an interesting story. :) I can't wait for more. Interesting choice with Keanu Reaves.

P.S. Can you please change the font size, it's too small... slightly difficult to read.