August 11th, 2010 at 09:10pm
Story/Review Game;
The title was what caught my attention and to be honest I had to look up what it meant :tehe: I had a feeling, but wasn't sure about it.
It made me laugh so much when I found out the meaning of that word, coming from a (sometime) weed smoker :shifty but the descriptions were beautiful and I now understand the brightness of the background.
"One lounged atop a pile of dirty clothes, a smirk adorning his crooked and lips, while the other was sprawled out lazily over a mattress, his greasy hair plastered to his warm forehead."
^Now that's hot, like humid hot. I pictured everything clearly and I'm not sure if I ever read anything from you before and it might have, and if so it's been sometime, but I do like the way you write and it's different with a bitter-sweet sense to it :con:
"The boy above him chuckled and reached around the boy’s neck, bringing him closer, and absentmindedly began to place his dry lips on his skin."
^:tehe: they must be high as hell, but I'm really enjoying this story and my mom keeps asking me what's so funny. But anyway's, the third person perspective was great and it added a lot to this piece. I love stories written in third person, especially when it's written goooood!
"The older started to murmur sweet nothings, his head lopsidedly dangling above the younger boy’s ear, his lips dripping with hunger."
^I love the sexiness of this and it's hidden pretty well throughout, but I like it.
"It was only when their heads were in the sky that they could explore each other, when they wouldn't remember, but somehow couldn't forget." - beautiful and yes, weed can make you horny :tehe: but it seems almost not realistic because it's too poetic, which isn't bad, but it really depends on what you're going for.
I love the metaphor you used for their bodies 'tangled like weeds' or something of that nature, but ironic, huh? It was a nice way to describe their indifferent relationship and even when you don't tell so much it's like this is their daily routine for the summer. It makes their life a lot more meaningful with than without when they smoke marijuana.
:omfg: I'm like in love with this story it was written so well and I have no clue why I'm so happy right now, I review like three stories today and I feel like I'm on a buzz, but nicely done, my dear.
This was really cute! Everything was described so simply yet beautifully.
The older started to murmur sweet nothings, his head lopsidedly dangling above the younger boy’s ear, his lips dripping with hunger.
I loved that line :D
Amazing job! (: