Willing Captive - Comments

It really made me feel angry to hear about the kinds of things he was doing to her, but you described them really well. And the descriptions about the room she was in and her surroundings was so good I felt as though I was there.

Only a few errors:
what use to be white paint was now a murky gray. - use should be used.

She knew she had been alone far longer than she normally was. normally should be actually, since it makes more sense.

scratch him when he tried to show her his love - scratch should be scratched.

When the door lock clicked clicked and the squeak of the door was natural, - might want to take out one of the 'clicked' in this sentence.

My fave line: She circled her room like a caged animal.
Such a great comparison and an excellent way to describe her and how she was feeling.

Another fave line: Only his cruel and endlessly painful love for her.
It gave my shivers reading that line. It was such a great way to end it because it was so morbid; you can only imagine what was going to happen next.

So, like my friend above me said, I really enjoyed this one-shot.

This line made me smile, it's so realistic.
-Ah, yes he loved her. He loved her in one of the sickest, most demented ways a man could ever love a woman.

***
-At first she hated him, she hated his sick and twisted ways. It disgusted her how a man could laugh at torturing a defenseless woman.

-She was his special prize.

-She had fought at first; she thought she didn't want it, but she did.

Deep down she did; he told her but she didn't listen. She wouldn't listen.

-But when her eyes no longer stung from it, they drifted up to see his staring back at her. There was love in those eyes.

Only his cruel and endlessly painful love for her.

Those were my favorite lines. I can't describe how much I enjoyed reading this story. Twisted as it may sound, it's true. Hope you keep writing, you're very good at it.
:cute:

Story/Review Game:

Ello! Let's get started shall we? :tehe:

First: Spelling/Grammar Errors:

She could hear the drip,drip, drip of the faucet in the bathroom that adjoined her room.

You are missing a space between those 2 drips.

At first she hated him, she hated his sick and twisted ways.

Him;(semi-colon)she

She remember how he use to strike fear into her when she heard his footsteps outside the door and knew that there was no stop to his torture.

remembered / used

She had to wait for him or loose his love.

lose

She had welcomed the noise because as days and nights melded together and she no longer knew what day it was; she could feel her self slipping.

herself

She cried when he did because it had hurt so bad, but she knew now; when he hurt her he loved her.

badly

The familiar thump, thump, thump of his footsteps sounded outside the bedroom door and her heart thudded against her chest in the same rhythm .

There is a random space between rhythm and the period.

When the door lock clicked clicked and the squeak of the door was natural, when light flooded the room she squinted and covered her eyes.

Remove second click

Casual Mistakes:

She remembered how most the time his love – her pain – had paralyzed her in fear.

most of the

Reactions:

Oh my gosh; I love this! :cheese:
I never knew a name for this kind of reaction to torture, but I think I honestly have it. Stockholm Syndrome.
I was sharing this story with my friend while reading it, and she agrees it is very good and, just like me, she'd probably wind up like that too.

Anyways, I adored reading this andI'm going to subscribe to help get you more stars <<< my friend just told me people hate subs on one-shots. Sorry :(


P.S. I noticed you have a werewolf story. I'm going to slink over there and check it out.