Hush - Comments

wow, just fucking wow, that was amazing :'(

whoa.
cried.

That was touching. I can feel my heart lowering into my midsection...
I knew a boy just like the one you described. Didn't talk, always read, hell, he even wore the same coat everyday, and that was how I knew it was him. He was also a grade under myself. I gave him a gift once, but since lost touch of him.
It was beautiful.

Oh my God, you've completely blown my mind. That was utterly beautiful, though it was twisted and tragic, too. I love the way you wrote that, too. I can almost see Rye sitting there, talking about Conor. And the things that happened to Conor, and how Rye felt about it...just blew me away. And the whole kitchen floor thing just struck a place in my heart. This was amazing.

I can't really think of anything to say, but I wanted to say something. That was mind-blowing, and just... wow.

Basically I'm going paragraph by paragraph on this.

I loved the way you started this. The first paragraph and you think 'alright, maybe this kid likes Conor. Or maybe he's afraid of him.' You instantly want to know the relationship between these two; what happened in the past or the mutual feelings they might feel.

You begin to wonder if Conor has problems at home, or if he's being bullied.

I like how I could tell what was going on with Conor before you had to say point blank that he was bullied at home and school.

When I got to the part where they were talking about those counseling classes, I knew something was really wrong with Conor. Kids with huge problems truthfully don't like to talk about those problems.

You begin to think that his father rapes him, especially after the part about his older sisters.

By the end of this, I was balling. This is so emotional.

The idea of this is amazing. I would have never thought of something like that, of a kid being questioned about someone that died and who he liked from a far distance.

And though you don't tell us what exactly his father did to him, you give enough context clues for the reader to make a good guess. It probably would be too gruesome to tell us point blank.

This was absolutely incredible! And it seemed so freaking real. The character's reactions were built up perfectly.

Thank you so much for this amazing story.

That was absolutely amazing, especially the way you put it, as if the protagonist was conversing with a consellor or something like that. How the sentences become disjointed at points, and there are just implications, not literal truth. It just makes the story much more raw, as if the protagonist uttered those words it would heighten the maelstrom of emotions they are currently experiencing and overwhelm them. It does in the end though. The progression of the story is executed beautifully as the narrator seems calm, restrained but as we progress, we hear the stutters, and emotion and the sympathy they felt for Connor. Especially the fury that engulf the narrator at the end, directed at the father. Just how you draw the reader in with a delicately spun tale and we experience these emotions with the narrator.

Connor; the way you illustrated him is wonderful. How you picked up on the flinching, the withdrawn persona and how he was always kind no matter what he went through at home. It was just such a perfect illustration and it made Connor seem so real, because there are people like this in the world-you've brought it to light once again. How you showed he couldn't bring himself to being cruel etc, maybe it was out of fear and a vehement belief he would never turn out like his father. Oh, and how the students knew when enough was enough and wouldn't keep going. If you had made it they had no inhibitions, I think there would've been such a emotive sympathy for Connor, because it would appear more surreal. However, their restraints make it appear more realistic, which in all honesty, caused the story to be more genuine, deep. Gah-I can't really explain it but that just made it that more real.

I love the association of white with Connor and how it connects with untouchable. How no matter what Connor still kept going, untouched and brought down into black, to be buried and consumed by the terrible home life he experienced. How he always stood taller than that. The connection of War and Peace with the final few paragraphs, and also with the character of Connor. All these fine details just mixed in with the story really just painted a wonderful, heartfelt story that I really enjoyed reading. It was beautiful, and just so emotionally charged.

The most important part is that you didn't make it melodramatic, it was just so real. Thank-you. :arms:

pure fucking white...
amazing.

This is fucking beautiful(:
Excuse my language, but I believe that word helps describe how incredible this shot was, and only one star. One, just one little star. Now, thats bullshit this deserves way more than that.
Excuse my language again. Really though, u were so creative with the way he speaked it sounded just like someone would actually talk if they we put in that situation, it just beautiful
like Conner.

Wow, this was so good! It was amazingly written, and I love the whole concept of the story. It's just, wow. I really like your writing style, it's really interesting. I've never read something written like that.

Double, sorry. :shifty

So I was in your profile and decided to check your stories for a while to see if there was anything I could read, if not all of them, but then the short summary of this one got my immediate attention and I started reading.

Wow. I’m completely amazed right now.

I honestly have never read anything like it before. A story about a person told from someone’s point of view, but not only that but presented as a record from a counseling session. That’s an instant catcher, let me tell you that. But there’s a lot more to this one-shot after I read the first paragraph, I mean, god, the style, the overall events, the plot itself :cheese:
The entrancing flow of words makes it nearly impossible to stop reading for one second. And I’m not exaggerating, because usually I only comment when I feel that what I read is like really fucking special according to my standards. I’m really picky, tbh.

The characters are portrayed beautifully and with genius, it’s like you don’t need a ton of chapters or more than two thousand words to have it all really clear. I feel I know this Conor Lambert character and this guy Ryan Byrne enough to understand them, so it hurts immensely to the point I get overwhelmed by the bluntness of feelings. I loved how it was all about something told by someone who was only a witness, hell, not even that, just an outsider offering his point of view, and yet that’s what makes this one-shot very authentic. I was blown away by the uniqueness of the plot and not to mention, the emotion behind each word which was so pressing I had to keep myself from crying every minute. Because really, this was sad in a very melancholic way, but really, really good. Stunning and inspiring.
Not many can pull this off; this complicated storyteller part.


Now I feel really self-conscious that you, who can write like this, read my one-shot.

i jsut want to say
this meant more then. more then anything
i find myself to be conor.
i am luckily, or maybe not so luckily, still alive.
i dont. know how to say it really
he seemed like an amazing kid
if only someone got the chance to know him
if only someone cared, cared when they needed to
said something, asked. even if it was the last thing
conor wanted, he needed it
i know what thats like.
i do, so much.
i needed it then
and it didnt come
i was untouchable.
it was all so taboo
but it happened.
and those kids know
they know so little
but they know some,
more then most kids here
who are iggnorant enough to joke.
to push me. to shove me
to spit. becuase i deserved it
that made me cry so hard
and i dont. i dont even know
Rye, or Conor, or you.

This one shot was absolutely amazing. It had such a natural flow to it. I found it extremely well written. The way she described everything with such detail...I feel like Conor was real, that all of this was real, and that I had actually known Conor before the "accident." It's scary, really. But it's a good kind of scary.

I found the way that Rye talked to be realistic, just the way a senior in high school would talk. The way he stammared at some points - it's like I could see his face twisting a little bit as he tried to avoid the chance of crying.

I also love how she didn't give too much information all at once. I notice that a lot of authors these days have a tendancy to do that; they give all the information about their characters in the beginning, and then they reveal what happens to said characters. Dylan didn't do that. She spread both of them equally throughout the story, so you got bits of information as you went along, and by the end you had all the information you needed. It's as if she had a nice, yummy-looking, completely ready-to-eat ice cream sundae, as opposed to all of the ingrediants spread out on the counter separately. I hope that made some sort of sense.

Besides that, I don't even know what to say about it except...wow.

Wow, just wow. That was so amazing. The way you typed, it felt like he was really talking to me. Conor, dear God.
He sounded so pure, I can just imagine it.
The books, coat, and floor. I loved how that was so... Right.

Seriously, it was amazing. This deserves ten stars.

This was amazing. Just the whole thing -- every single last word of it fit exactly where it was supposed to. All came and fitted together as a whole. It was beautiful. I think I loved the tone of voice most of all; the way Ryan -- Rye -- spoke. How he stuttered and broke off at some points, it just made it seem like he was really speaking. It showed so much.

And I love how he described Conor. Especially when he said he was beautiful, that he would have been something. It was just all so perfect.

I can't think of all the things I want to say about this. Every single last bit of it is just amazing. I couldn't stop reading from the second I began. I absolutely love this -- that's all I can say. Every word.

I think the way that you revealed what happened to Conor was extremely effective. I was so curious to know everything about him, what happened to him. You didn't make it into a big thing -- it was almost mentioned in passing. There were only small bits at a time, just like how anyone would talk about that sort of thing.

Just, seriously. God.

Oh, but just a small heads up, you left a 'd' off the word 'would'.

he could have—woul have been.

Pretty sure that was the only mistake I found.

Once again -- this is amazing. Apologies for the awkward and rather rambling comment.