Sparkalaphobia. - Comments

Story/Review Game;

"Using it for an art lesson at a school would be perfectly acceptable, but come on." - I liked this, but isn't this a question and a question mark should be placed at the end of this sentence.

" It was like I expected something to happen, even in my subconscious. Dreams are very special like that, aren’t they?" -Also adding to that, I loved the questions the narrator asked. It showed a lot about how this character thought and the feelings he/she had about dreams. The life living like one big dream. Which I could;d understand because when something goes wrong I always wish it was like a dream and sometimes I preferred dream world better than reality.

" They thrashed about in fear, clinging onto the side, their short, stubby finger nails making hideous noises as they scratched against the sides of the pool. " - The imagery was cute and it fitted with the characters' personality :con: a typical daydreamer.

"This is not a pool of water. It is packed with glitter, like sinking sand; merely one move sends me deeper into the depths of this strange nightmare." - This reminds me of the movie Lady in the Water, it's mysterious in a dream like sense and not all freaky, but I like how this paragraph connected with the first word I read and I thought that was nice.

*I apologize for the lateness. I had server health problems, so again I didn't mean it.

I liked this. It’s a very interesting idea and I think it was well thought out. The only thing I would say would be to go over it again and rework your punctuation. In places, it seems incorrect and it makes things a confusing. Sentences that are longer which have a lot of commas and include semi-colons are hard to read…especially when the punctuations aren’t set in the right place.

- My dream last night, wasn’t any differentto any of my other dreams, bland, boring, mundane, yet something felt different.

My dream last night, wasn’t any different from any of my other dreams - bland, boring, mundane - yet something felt different.

- Sometimes there are sentences that run on and on - which isn’t really a problem, but the punctuations (commas, semi-colons) seems to be off. Like here, for example:

I wanted to dive to the bottom; touch the floor with my small palms, feel the tiles, count them even, I felt this desire even in my dream as I gazed down at the water, glistening sublimely below.

Anyway, like I said, this was interesting and it was definitely a good story. I love the idea of phobias and I think you exemplified that particular phobia very well.

Wow, I really like it!
Its a really original piece of writing, about an original topic :tehe:
Some of the vocab was :cheese:
And it was written really well. :cute:
:arms:

Amgg, why hadn't I read this sooner?
I really, really did like this. :D

I actually think the first line was my favourite.
I eye these miniscule – albeit deadly – things with great suspicion, sprinkling from the palm of a naïve colleague.
Especially the 'sprinkling from the palm of a naive colleague.' bit. It was very effective, and it made me wonder why the protagonist feels their colleague is naive for having glitter, until we get to the very end where we realise what it is.

And also, I loved this line;
Breathe in til you can’t breathe in anymore.
I don't really know why, I just honestly adored it. :think: I wish I could offer something more helpful. :tehe:

There was one tiny detail, the line I am confused… water is fluid?
I didn't think that that really fit, I thought maybe it would be best as something like "I'm confused...isn't water fluid?", but that's just me.

Overall, I thought it was a very unique piece - I think it was also such an individual phobia to have, rather than something common or understandable, like water or spiders.

Well done. :arms:

This is really interesting. Interesting in the sense that it makes me wonder how you managed to connect two such seemingly polar opposite concepts - fear and effing sparkling -- and that it makes me wanna ask you, "Where can I get some?"

Before I start with the review, I love the theme of it. Glitter. One of my favorite words (one of my usernames on a website is Glitterfuck. hehe) and it just really stands out and everyone just uses them for metaphors, never for a headlining piece. I commend also your restraint in putting something shiny and annoying in the layout background.

I eye these miniscule – albeit deadly – things with great suspicion, sprinkling from the palm of a naïve colleague. There and then, I'm like... why is he apprehensive?

A diorama of the heart? I’m pretty sure internal organs aren’t that bloody shiny. Clever line, and well -placed characterization. The thing with the context though, of a scientist in the lab, is that you didn't play on it later on. It wasn't really significant-- you just felt like putting white lab coats on them. I know it's a restricted challenge, but maybe you could have put another feature that highlights the importance of the setting, as well as, like, what is his collegue doing with the glitter anyway?

Dreams are very special like that, aren’t they? You could so easily get stuck in a dream. If I were to fall asleep forever, I’d probably not even notice. It would probably feel like dreaming. It shouldn't work, but it does. It was slightly redundant, but the tone was so natural, so human, and so true. Like, you're dreaming but you don't really know, so it's okay. Like, for example, you're in a coma, trapped in your own mind. Some people would pity such a wasted existence, but do you know that? What if your dreams are nice, and it feels just like reality? Makes you question stuff, eh? xD

They thrashed about in fear, clinging onto the side, their short, stubby finger nails making hideous noises as they scratched against the sides of the pool. Horrific, vivid description. I love how you focused on the details like the sound of fingernails against the side-- it really made it seem more real in my mind. Like, you wouldn't hear it in real life, but it played a big role to the movie in my head.

I wanted to dive to the bottom; touch the floor with my small palms, feel the tiles, count them even This showed what kind of child he must have been. Odd? Introspective? Different? It fit with the fic, a little piece sordidly about fearing shiny little things.

Breathe in til you can’t breathe in anymore. You have such great little lines, you know that?

causing sapphires and amethysts to spray the edges of the pool. I'm not so much a fan of jewelry as descriptions anymore, but this was just well-placed and well-chosen, and it made the water splash seem really vibrant and significant.

water is fluid? Don't you mean 'wasn't water... fluid?' It just seems incomplete how you put it.

It is packed with glitter, like sinking sand; Ugh, that's terrifying. My worst fear is any form of deprivation, and to die with such horrendously sparkly shit would be some kind of cheesy cosmic nightmare. You still haven't explained why the glitter came up in his dream in a way only some distant memory could conjure, though.

And then I wake in a sweat, hands raking the sheets, in fear of finding a dreaded freckle of glitter against its white canvas… Nice, great, commendable ending.

Other than the lack of backstory, this really has a touch of impressive like a smudged fingerprint on its surface :cute:

Oh man.

How you found the topic, I'll never know.
This is one of my favorites of the entries I've read so far.

Brilliant, love.

This was really good. =]

Good luck in the contest.