Split. - Comments

Ahh ive just found this story and even though it hasnt been updated in so long I decided to read it anyway. Im so glad I did!!! Its a great story with a great plot. Y
I love the way you write and I wish you would update! I love Harry and Dougie in this but Im glad Harry is sticking with Charlie although I hope he can reason with Dougie. Really would love some more of this! :) x

I'm don't really know the band you have written in here, but I can imagine every single word you phrased and the emotions that were hidden between all those descriptions and the dialogues, and I must say that it was an enjoyable piece.

The description is very lenghty and I really liked how you managed to insert such emotion in the short dialogues.

It was a really enjoyable fic to read.

Well, first of all, on a not-so-serious note.. really hot pairing. Just thought I'd let you know, even though that's not what this is about at all. :tehe:

Okay, back to serious-ness.
I didn't know whether or not I was going to read this, but I'm so glad I did because you wrote it wonderfully. I love how you write relationships and how the people involved act around each other and towards each other, and you always manage to create such heartbreaking situations and pull them off almost effortlessly - although, I know it's not at all effortless.
I loved the first paragraph, because it set a mood for the story, until Dougie stepped in. I especially liked the line;

He hasn’t tried herbal tea, a shot of rum or any of that shit because he knows there’s no point.

From just this, I guess I imagine that Harry is feeling quite bitter, and upset, and although from the summary we kind of get an idea, we don't really know why. And I also like it because whilst it's not exactly a short sentence, it's still blunt. And as you probably know, I love lines like that.

They’d do this together, all seven of them.

That made me feel kind of sad, really. The fact that it's in past tense shows that they obviously don't do it anymore, and whilst Harry's furiously continuing with something he used to dislike or find stupid, it's clear that whatever's happened has made him think about how it's not really that stupid, or embarrassing, and it actually means something and it's important to him now. So whatever's happened must have had a huge impact on him. And I guess that's what makes me kind of sad, because people who were so close aren't that close anymore. And what used to be important to all of them isn't really that important anymore. /ramble.

Harry can’t keep from dog-earing the pages and blurring up the plastic film with fingerprints now.

Eh, I don’t really know why I’ve quoted that part, but I just really loved it, and it kind of emphasises the point I was trying to make before. For some reason, I kind of get the feeling that he’s regretting something, but I don’t really know why just yet.

He’s wrapped up in a body bag with cemented zips, somewhere in the pit of guilt that he can’t escape from.

And I guess I’m right, in a way. I don’t know what he’s feeling guilty of but you can only assume that it has something to do with the fact that these seven guys aren’t as close as they once were. It’s like Harry’s just using the pictures to try and grab hold of what’s left of the past.

His feet suck ice from the floorboards and that hated strain on his eyelids that tell them to shut is just a fib, because he can’t sleep and he won’t sleep. He must finish.

There is a point to me quoting and not saying anything, I promise.

Kneecaps clash with polished wood and he winces.

Firstly... :yah nomnomnom, obvious present tense. You know I’m a sucker for that. Well, this sentence just stood out to me because it was short and simple, and although it’s not really that important to the story, or anything like that, I still really liked it.

His skin’s a mountain range of goose bumps, alerting him that he should turn the heating on or at least put on a shirt, but he ignores it.

I adored the ‘his skin’s a mountain range of goose bumps’.
But the three lines I’ve quoted are making me think that maybe, because Harry feels guilty, he’s letting himself become numb to how cold he is and how tired he is and the fact that he just hurt his knees, because he’s sort of...punishing himself? Eh, I’m probably way off, but the fact that he’s feeling guilty and staying up so late to finish a scrapbook just makes me think that he’s doing it all on purpose. Like he needs to do it because everything that’s happened is his fault, in a way, so he should be doing this and he should just put up with whatever happens to him because the others wouldn’t be hurting if it wasn’t for him.
Like I’ve told you before, I read too far into your writing, Sam.

Carbon dioxide catches in his oesophagus and his vertebrae could rattle with the shiver that captures him.

Unghhh, anatomical referencesssss. You kill me, Sam, you really do. That was so bloody perfect, honestly. Using the word ‘captures’ also makes me think that Harry’s been so consumed in what he’s doing he’s almost forgotten everything around him, besides the pictures and the book and himself, so when whoever it is that’s disturbed him turns up, it’s a shock...but...duh, I suppose. :tehe: That was very useless, but whatever, you wanna know what the reader’s feeling when they read it, dontcha? :file:

He doesn’t want to connect with the only other person of the band that knew exactly what was coming, who could hear it in every word but didn’t want to believe it - the only difference is that the youngest of them all was powerless in preventing it.

Sorry to quote all of that, but ...whatever. :tehe: Now, I don’t feel as bad for Harry, after that last line. Whatever’s happened he could have stopped, but I suppose that’s probably why he feels so guilty, right? Regardless, sympathy for Harry diminishes somewhat when you read that, but maybe it’s just me.

The actions and words and thoughts that you write when Dougie sees what Harry’s doing is kind of...heartbreaking...but I find, you’re pretty much the queen of this kind of heartbreak, Sam. Urgh, Dougie just wants Harry to sleep and be happy and not be upset about it, and seeing his band mate like that, added to the fact that they’re all upset about something making it worse, I always want to jump right into your stories and just... I don’t even know, I just want to knock sense into them. :tehe:

Harry wishes that Dougie would go back to sleep and leave him in his state of insomnia, because he’s not going to be able to explain the course of action he will take once his current task has been completed.

Ooooh, ominous. I don’t know if I like that, though. My thoughts of Harry have changed over these few paragraphs. I feel as if he’s being slightly selfish, honestly. He’s making the scrapbook because he feels guilty and he doesn’t want Dougie there because he obviously knows he’s going to do something that will upset him after. So, really, his actions aren’t as selfless as – maybe - he’d like to think. You probably weren’t aiming for me to think of it like that, but everybody interprets things in different ways, I suppose.

He distantly feels Dougie’s palm on his shoulder, like snow landing on his icy skin, but doesn’t nestle into the contact as he might have done a few weeks ago.

My sympathy for Harry hadn’t vanished completely, obviously, but now I feel sorry for Dougie, too. Like I keep saying – and I’m sorry I’m just repeating myself over and over – it’s affecting everybody, this situation, and the fact that Harry is being so cold towards Dougie, who clearly is only trying to make him feel better, can’t be making him feel any better. But maybe if Harry keeps himself detached for a moment then whatever he plans to do after finishing the book won’t hurt Dougie as much. Eh, right now I just really want Harry to put all of the photos away and hug Dougie and for everything to be alright.

The next couple of paragraphs...especially the one describing the photograph of Harry and Charlie, I don’t really know what to make of it. Was there something more between them than simple friendship? Is that part of the reason Harry’s feeling so despondent and guilt-ridden? I don’t know, but I’m trying to distinguish the closeness that seems to be occurring in the picture and whether it blurs the line of friendship and lovers, even though it probably doesn’t.

In contrast to his stillness, he can hear the lungs of the boy behind him struggle to control his air flow normally, and slowly lets the album slide down his knees to hit the floor. Because after all, Dougie’s taking this just as hard as he is.

After that, I kind of think...finally, jeez. Harry’s realising that it’s not simply about him and the others do actually have feelings, and Dougie’s just this boy whose been caught up in such a horrible situation between friends, and now, somebody he seems so close to is just freezing him out and he can’t really take it. And Harry’s not just sitting there like some statue because he knows, at least now, that Dougie needs somebody to cry to and to talk to about it...

” Me too, Pugs,” he mumbles in response, clutching the shaking boy closer to the fist of guilt that’s pummelling his insides and trying to get out, only to spill boiling words of truth all over his companion.

I want to know the bloody truth. :grr: I want to know what’s so terrible that Harry’s feeling this way.

He closes his eyes and hugs Dougie tighter, trying to lose himself in the embrace that often captivates him so, but not tonight.
Harry didn’t move from the couch until everyone else had left for bed; and Dougie didn’t leave his lover’s side until he fell asleep at midnight and Harry carried his lighter frame up to their bedroom,

So Dougie and Harry are lovers...which makes me wonder about that blurring line I was on about before, and it makes me think I was wrong, actually. Or...I was right, and the guilt that Harry is feeling is somewhat because of how he’s feeling about Charlie...I don’t know. But it makes me feel even worse for Dougie. It’s one thing to feel like you can’t really help one of your best friends, but your boyfriend is something completely different. You should be there for them no matter what, but if they won’t let you then it’s just...terrible, I suppose.

“Yeah, because he was spending all of his time with Fightstar,” Dougie retorts,

Well, now we’re seeing that there’s conflicting feelings about Busted’s split, between the other band. Dougie’s angry whilst Harry seems to just be upset, but...on Charlie’s side, too. And this makes me really worried, because I can tell that there’s probably going to be an argument, but that Harry won’t feel like arguing back, and it will just end...shit. To put it bluntly.

And the inevitable argument that ensues is horrible to read. On the one hand, there’s Dougie, who’s making the point that Charlie fucked them all over, and he’s the one that’s making them feel like this, but then there’s Harry, who’s saying that Charlie needed to focus on his own happiness as well...but like you didn’t already know that. :tehe: I’m slightly torn between the two of them, and I’m kind of leaning towards Dougie...but then, all that sympathy for Harry is coming back. Until, well...

Azure pupils widen and Dougie takes a step back. “You – you told him to end Busted?”

“If you want to see it that way, then yeah, I told him to end Busted,”

Firstly, I loved the ‘azure pupils’ part. Your description always astounds me, as you know, and although I’ve really spent most of this review telling you how the different actions made me feel and what I’m taking from the story, there’s so much like that in this story that I could quote and gush over.

Dougie moves like a feather pushed by the breeze as Harry sweeps towards him and through the doorframe, and he hates him for it.

Like that. Urgh, :yah. ‘moves like a feather pushed by the breeze’. As well as being beautiful, it shows that Dougie’s just given up with the argument, because he knows he won’t get anywhere with it. Once more, you’ve practically turned me into a blubbering fool. Once more reading McFly Slash, nonetheless. :tehe: Only you could do this to me, Sam.

I know I said it before, but your writing is definitely one of my favourites when it comes to heartbreak and really feeling the emotions of two people in a relationship. I can’t quite grasp how you manage to convey such a whirlwind of emotions in such short pieces, but...it’s amazing, it really is.

And that last line...:cheese:, it was so simple, but it... ”Don’t wait up.” Urgh, Harry, why are you doing that to him?

Dkljfsdkjf. I’m sorry that this review is so hideously long and probably not very useful, but...I don’t care. :con:
[Are you proud that I used so few smilies towards the beginning? :tehe:]
I could never even fathom being able to write with the description and heart and soul you put into your work. You. Are. Brilliant.

that was really awsome honestly it was poetic. i loved it

I cannot sleep so I thought I'd use my time productively and leave you feedback. This feedback has the potential to end up absolutely awful though, so if it does then I'm really very sorry because you deserve so much better than god-awful feedback like this.

You have no idea how awesome it is to find a Busted ficon mibba anywhere. This was really well written and I love you for it. You wrote both sides of the story really well and I really enjoyed reading this.

I like that I can empathise with the opening, because I can't sleep and I'm probably not going to get any sleep tonight if I'm being honest. Already in the story it is clear that something bad has happened - the world is in a state of dreamy surrealism and Harry can't sleep. It's like his world has fallen apart but he's far too scared to admit it. He just wants to sit with the photos and do what the seven of them promised they'd do.

He almost believes that it's his fault - He’s wrapped up in a body bag with cemented zips, somewhere in the pit of guilt that he can’t escape from - and this was a really great description. I loved the wording of it all, especially.

This - He doesn’t want to connect with the only other person of the band that knew exactly what was coming, who could hear it in every word but didn’t want to believe it - he doesn't want to speak to anybody. He wants to stay trapped in his own little world with the photos, avoiding human contact because it hurts him too much.

Each picture removed from the floor is a weight off the brunette’s mind - Harry feels that if he sorts out the photos then nothing will have changed; he can just continue to stare at the pictures and if he looks at them long enough and arranges them just right, then perhaps he'll be able to believe that what's happened in them is still true and he can live like this, just looking at them.

“It’s not my album, Doug. It’s Charlie’s.” He says this quite matter-of-factly, although it belongs to him, he labels it as Charlie's because it's his main memory of him and he wants Charlie to think about all the good stuff that had happened since the two bands had met.

Dougie blames everything on Charlie. Charlie fucked things up for Matt and James, and you can see what it’s doing to us. He wants Charlie to be the bad guy and no matter what, that's what he'll always be to Dougie.

This is one of the best lines. The way it's executed is brilliant. "If you want to see it that way, then yeah, I told him to end Busted." Harry tells it like it is, and all Dougie can do is stare in awe because he can't quite believe it. He can't believe that Harry would tell Charlie to do something like that.

Perfect ending. “Don’t wait up.” Harry's hope has gone and all he wants is for somebody to listen to him without telling him off for the decision he helped Charlie to make. I sympathise with him because he seems to be one of the people suffering most because of this.

WONDERFUL ONESHOT.

SORRY MY FEEDBACK SUCKED.

WOW THAT IS AWESOME! :)

Busted ftw My favourite band to this day...

You're really talented! You capture emotions perfectly.

THIS IS ME OWING YOU A REVIEW BECAUSE I SUCK and i'm supposed to be doing coursework :tehe:

but oh my god i'm honoured, and gobsmacked to have this dedicated to me Sam :arms: dear. It's beautiful, and brutal and just, god wow . i've read it four times already I just want to get my head round all the emotions running through it, christ. It's stunning

You can say so much, without even saying anything directly at all. Seriously, your writing never ceases to amaze and inspire me, your a true author. This just gave me the muse to pick up oceans and dove again.It's that brilliant. If you ever stop writing I have no idea what i'd do. :arms:

so this is my review iou :Din short , this was so amazing i think my face fell off

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD.

BUSTED FIC. I LOVE YOU.

:crazy:

This was brilliant. And you shall get a review tomorrow, cause I am really tired and it's 00:35 :cheese: