April 25th, 2009 at 10:31am
It meant a lot. :tehe:
Letting Go - Comments
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Everyone, thank you so much for commenting
It meant a lot. :tehe:March 14th, 2009 at 09:59am -
Hello, I was perusing the best/worst/stupidest review thread and I saw your story. It was a drabble and I was in the mood of something short. Let me just say that I am glad that I read this story. It was short and sweet.
The opening sentence basically tells the whole story. It also gets the reader thinking, well at least me. It makes me wonder, is it better to let go? I mean, it’s so hard, yet sometimes we must do it to show we care for the person. I thought it was lovely.
I watched her sleep peacefully before me, her chest rising and falling weakly. I ignored the urge to squeeze her hand, trying to avoid everything that might hurt her again. All I could do was stare at her, and wish that it was all a dream. But the harder I tried to neglect the reality of what I was facing, the harder the truth tried to kick me.
Wow, it’s a great description and it just describes the feeling that all family members and friends when one of their loved ones are in the hospital. In the story, the narrator asks himself what did he do or could have done. We also hear the sister complaining about her pain. It’s so sad standing there and feeling so useless. I know the feeling. You want to do something to protect the one you love from feeling sorrow and grief. You wish you can take the grief upon yourself and take it away from them. That’s what your story reminded me of.
The narrator still has things he wants to share with his sister, but alas she dies. It reminds me of the fact we all have things we still want to say and we have to take the time and say it to our loved ones. Then, the narrator reveals that his sister is the only person he has. This makes it very difficult. I mean, one of the worst feelings on Earth is the feeling of not having anyone to confide in.
My suggestion is to make it a bit clearer. I think it’s just me being slow, but some of the pronoun uses are weird and referring to things:
I knew it ever since before I refused to see her doctor.
This sentence confused me a bit, but I may be just being slow…
The story itself is a really nice piece, it’s a good piece to read when you want to read something short and sweet.
This was really good :cute:March 14th, 2009 at 02:11am -
The opening was amazing and your description is incredible. I really liked reading this, you have a really amazing writing skill.
I watched her sleep peacefully before me, her chest rising and falling weakly. She seems really frail and broken, and really ill. It makes me really empathise with both her and the narrator, because the pair of them seem to be hurting in different ways.
I saw her clinging on to life - she's a fighter and isn't going to give up. She wants to live so badly, but everything is a struggle for her now.
But fate just seemed to have its back on me, for the next thing I knew, her lines had just gone flat. I actually cried here. The way you described it was amazing, it was in quite a matter-of-fact way, and it was quite simplistic (I mean that in a good way).
I loved this, you're a really great writer. :arms:March 13th, 2009 at 11:31am -
This is one of the best one-shot's I have ever read.
It has so much emotion striking out at me, and that's what makes it so amazing.
Sometimes it is better to just let go…
I just loved how you opened the one-shot. It's straight to the point, and to me, it's as if it's someone thoughts.
The way you described the emotions and how this person was to blame, was just, so well done. It made me cry. Really.
I love it when one-shots/stories make me cry.
I loved how - in my opinion - you've made the sister fragile. Also, I love how this person needs her.
You've made some sort of, ordinary experience, which I am assuming is a hospital visit in this case, into something with more meaning and depth. You've done it so well.
This is one of my favourites. I'm so glad I read this.
:arms:
Sorry if this was a crap comment. I just, I don't really know how to put things into words. >_< ):March 12th, 2009 at 01:24pm -
Story/Review.
So this probably won't be very long since my fingers hurt, which is a shame, because I'd very happily type on and on about how great this is :cute:
Basically, you had me gripped straight away with the first line, I love lines like that, they're very captivating and meaningful.
I watched her sleep peacefully before me, her chest rising and falling weakly. I ignored the urge to squeeze her hand, trying to avoid everything that might hurt her again. All I could do was stare at her, and wish that it was all a dream. But the harder I tried to neglect the reality of what I was facing, the harder the truth tried to kick me. I love the way you described things, and the way you write. You managed to convey the right emotions really well.
The small amount of dialogue worked really well too, you could tell the narrator really loves her sister through the way she spoke and how she described the events.
My sister’s frantic whimper had almost killed me, and then I thought I knew the best that I could do. Dozens of pills that would target my brain was my solution, just so my heart I could give her. But it didn’t work, nothing ever did, there was never a thing I had done that seemed to have helped her. And to realize that up to this moment there was still nothing I could do, I placed myself the greatest blame I would ever have to carry forever. I really loved that, it was just so... emotional.
I touched each of her fingers, trying to perceive even the lightest motion. And before I felt my eyes sting, a tear fell pitifully down her palm. That line was really wonderful, I love the use of 'And' at the begining of sentences.
I also think it was very clever to end on a question, yet the end line had a little less flow than the rest, in my head. I don't know why, it just wasn't my favourite part of the piece. Overall, the use of metaphors and language was really stunning and you execute it REALLY well. I'm sort of in love with this. I might have to go and second Mia Bell.'s rec... :tehe:
Great job! :arms:March 10th, 2009 at 08:28pm -
^ Wow, thank you so much.
That made my day x]March 8th, 2009 at 09:59am -
You executed the whole thing perfectly. The way you formed your sentences, used the right analogies and metaphors, pretty much everything. So, well done. I'm so reccing this.
March 8th, 2009 at 09:18am -
It's so sad! I really love it! It's short and sweet, and gets to the point. So much emotion :DMarch 7th, 2009 at 02:58pm
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Thank you :)
Haha, yeah I love it too. March 7th, 2009 at 02:40pm -
It's so sad, but i like it a lot. I love when people can pack so much emotion into so few words. And I like your icon btw. :DMarch 7th, 2009 at 02:38pm
I loved the first line, Sometimes it is better to just let go…
I just love it when authors use a straight to the point, beautiful sentence at the start. It makes me pay attention. :tehe:
I loved how short it was, too. And even though it was so short you packed so much emotion into it... It was just beautiful. (: