March 28th, 2009 at 11:52am
You know what I think it is? Your way with words, Missy. Every story I've read of yours have some amazing description. Every. Single. One. You just seem to make everything so damned easy to picture, so all I really have to do is read the words. I don't have to work at imagining anything really... it's all done for me. I absolutely adore how you do that.
I'm looking at the story now... and I've only counted six lines on dialogue. Six. Nothing more, nothing less. Just six. I would have sworn that there was more because I was so entertained the whole time, you know? And usually when everything is flat out description with a few thoughts or memories here and there it gets all YAWN and you hit the back button because well... it's kind of boring. Nothing is happening... they're describing a town with words like "big" or... "boring" There's no depth to it at all. [There was no story --- to my knowledge -- that did that. PURELY and example :shifty] But here... everything is so entertaining. And it was definiately not to long or short. Everything that needed to be said was said. It didn't drag on or get cut off which I think was cool too.
You made a cute one-shot!. :cute: You said you were going to do it and you did. Gosh, Cobbie. I must say that I'm proud. I knew you could do it though. I mean... I still knew it was yours too. You didn't go and do something different to the point were I couldn't recognize that it was yours. You just have that thing where I can read something and be like "OH THAT"S COBBIE'S" and this... I could tell it was yours. Right away.
I'm not really surprised that I liked this as much as I did. I just hope that you were happy with it. You are your own worst critic, and I think that you should be proud. Really and honestly. :arms: You're going to to well in this contest. I just know it. And if you don't... well... you should have. ahaha.
The thing I liked the most was that it wasn't too long. Thinking back now I feel like I've read a book rather than a single chapter. My mind was trying to run away with the story after you, well, finished it so to speak. You could have carried on with your description and done too much of it, but you knew exactly when to stop and when to put in dialogue. I also loved how their reunion is a big thing to them, but it's only marked by a single kiss and a bit of groping. That was nice.
The swear jar - your prompt - was used so well. Really really well. You could have used it so explicitly but you didn't, and I loved how we left to use our imagination on what the boys would get up to. Awh yeah, that was nice.
Oh dear, I only have 8 minutes on my laptop battery left so I just want to say that basically I love this and I think it will come into the top 10 for sure.
xo