Ah, damn. Beautiful.
June 2nd, 2009 at 06:39pm
"hair mussed up with expensive hair gel" Mussed should be moussed.
I like the whole starting area. It was really interesting and made me want to read on. The way you worded it was also really wonderful. Especially the ending line of it.
Thought this part here, "The instant after my realisation the pressure receded." I don't know, it just felt awkward to read. Maybe you missed a word out of it? Or I may just be reading it incorrectly. [EDIT/] I just re-read it and realised that I read it incorrectly. Sorry about that.
"I had to look up. And then I just couldn’t form a reply. Pages and pages could be written on his features, his beautifully placed features. It was as if someone had spent eons planning them, putting them into place just perfectly." That entire part, I loved. It was just so nice to read and I loved the way you wrote it. It was a wonderful piece of writing.
“I’m going to get milk from the shop two streets away. Want to come?” I liked how he just asked him to come. It made me smile actually. The fact that he doesn't know the person, but is still willing to do that. The following paragraph made me giggle a little as well.
I'm quoting quite a lot, but oh well, I'll quote again. “I’m no good at pretending I’m happy when I’m not.” I also really liked this part, it made me intrigued as to why he was unhappy. And it was also a great sentence.
Another thing, you described the cigarette in a lot of different ways, as well as the smoke. It was really nice reading all the different descriptions you made up for it. Although I'm not a fan of the 'cancer stick' references, I don't know why. They just irk me a little, I guess.
“Why don’t you go and stay at your boyfriend’s house?” I like how he just assumed that he was gay. It was very funny to read the following lines as well, where they have a little 'thing' about him being gay. :tehe:
I also liked how he unexpectedly kissed him, and then replied with "Are too." :lmfao That was a good part. I liked it a lot. And how you described the kissing, it was a nice change from all the others, it was different and you didn't use the same old words.
“Do you want to go and get coffee or something? I guess we can go back to my house. It’s only five blocks away.” I like how they talk to each other, as if they're old friends or something. It's nice and casual, even though their practically strangers.
The ending made me smile a lot. I loved the way you ended it with that one short sentence. It was really great. I'm not usually into the Frerard thing, but I actually really liked this. It was nice and cute to read. Well done.
I hope this was an okay review, haha.
