Sonata - Comments

shit I accidently submitted before finsihing -.-

Evelyn, finally, decided that Corey was innocent enough that he should stay. Oli was very pleased by his girlfriend's parallel stance, and kissed the top of her head eve REALLY needs to open her eyes a bit more...I like her, she's a cool heroine( that the female word fore hero right?) but she HAS to be more observant...

They all did.
No one was hungry anymore.
Lunch time was over.
...Maybe Nicholls wasn't so out of line.
...FINALLLY!!! *does a happy dance* gaaah seriously they were all SO blind and need something obvious like THAT to see that corey is...odd, a freak and a LIAR, oh and a copy of oliver...

this finally shows that corey is up to something,...

it's good that you describd yet again the opinions from the guys on corey, which hadn't been mentioned in the chapter before...I think that was confusing but I don't know how to say that xD

great chapter, again, even though I'd love to slap each of them (except for nicholls) across their empty brain less heads...xD

this is the first time that I comment while reading, but this way I'm not gonna forget what I want to say :)

The crystallized, microscopic particles that would scrape the sensitive nerves. The iron-laced blood gushing from his mouth; dribbling down his scrapped chin. His entire face aching in a tremendously excruciating intrusion of its insides.
hahahaha :D that makes my evil side come out, because like I mentioned before I don NOT like corey at all

Tom was the weakest, and once Corey's hands reached towards the impaled lip, he immediately glanced away towards Oli and Eve
It's kind of sad that tom always has to see oliver's reaction before showing his own reaction...he really needs to be a lot more stronger...*shakes head*

They no longer could see their escorted drummer, and there was nothing more to do anyway.
...they could at least go after him, he is after all their friend -.-

"Dunno love. 'e'll find sumwhere else teh eat." one word: ASSHOLE

So I finally caught up, and my god do I have a lot to say about this story.

For starters I want to get it straight off the bat that this is literally the best fanfiction I've read in a good few years. No exaduration.

The opening chapter; just...like, what the hell? I've never been so captivated and heartbroken in the first fucking chapter of any story. Without having to read reams and reams of chapters, you manage to nearly bring me to tears at the pain you put the characters through. It was intense, frightening and I absolutely fell in love with it. I cannot put into words how just that first part made me feel, but it sure as hell made an impact. I was thinking about it for days afterwards.

"his eyes gleamed in a kind of bizarre blue; more intense due to tears.
Heartbreaking.

"He asked him if he was ready to apologize for calling his mom a whore, to which Curtis retaliated with a spit on his shoe. He didn't speak much after that.
An actual full hearted cackling moment. I nearly pissed with laughter; loved this line.

"Dumb git would flirt with a lingerie rack."
One of my favourite quotes ever. Pure brilliance. I love that Matt K. is a total whore; most people overlook him, or portray him as a quiet, brooding character.

I could pretty much quote the entire story, those three were just a few points that stuck out to me (and honestly, the few that I could find again to copy and paste.)

Basically, I'm repeating everything I've said. This story diserves so much praise and credit; it's an amazing idea, so well written and just...really fucking good. I cannot wait for more :)

Just thought I'd comment and say that I've started reading, fallen in love and shall write a more in depth comment when I've caught up.
Adore it.

Another amazing chapter!!! I love Matt's loyalty to Oli even when he doesn't deserve it like this time. It might be my love for him but I love everything if not most of what you've written about Curtis and like Chelsie said his simplicity is awesome and part of his charm. :DDD

Shit.

I think that after a month of absence, there couldn't be a better way to make a grand entrance back. I've missed it, yes. And I'm glad to have some new reading material once again. The best way to pick it up again is with some action. And I can tell you, that last line...
I really hope he dies. Fucking Corey.

My favorite parts would be how completely oblivious Oliver is to all of this. It's like he is blind, deaf, and dumb in the sense that he's not very smart. Admittedly, it hurts a lot to read that. To see how angry everyone else is getting, how angry his BEST FRIENDS are getting. And the fact that he doens't even care! I could rant about this for a while.

But now that I've been thinking about that first chapter again, and the whole Corey is Oliver's twin thing... I dunno man, I dunno.

(And thank you for the mention in your author's note! :])

oh I forgot, I wanted to say somethign about your current banner, too :)

the ones before were already SO fitting for the story wiht Oliver in front of the huge crowd...that just shows the control he has over the crowd and the power, how many people look up to him, they were seriously good, BUT the new banner was even better :D
it just reflects olivers charcter in this story, being loved by the people, being ONE with thr crowd but still being not better but higher? no more powerfull than them... it resembles the story so much....you should keep it...seriously the photographer who took this picture is a genious, and i could interpret so much more in this picture and how mcuh it refers to the story, but that would end up in a way too long comment :)

oh damn, look how long I can talk about a banner...^^'
sorry, again :D

Oli was no longer in charge and in his right mind.
Corey was.

best line!...seriously it just hits the nail on the spot...or however yous ay that :D
I can totally understand nicholls and curtis...they have every right to be...suspicious about corey, oliver is blinded and absorbed by the supposed 'fame' or 'glory' that corey shows him, which is not good, AT ALL!

but I don't understand evelyn and tom, they should be more objective and see that corey is corrupting their Oliver! arghhhh I really really dislike corey...and oliver for letting him corrupt himself :(

I love it how you don't bring in too much conversation, but rather rite down the thoguhts, in...well in the way you do it..

I know I suck at giving constructive (or however you call it) comments, but I tried to make it a bit more that 'i love it'
I just have no clue to write down whyt I want to say xD
so sorry :)

but the update was great as ever

JHDGFHGSDFGDUG EUGH.
I WANT TEH PUNCH COREH IN TEH FACE.
wee lil shite >_>

I'm really not in the commenting mood, probably because it's way past my bed time, but this definitely deserves instant praise - so it shall have it.

I already told you that this was fucking genius, but seriously dude. I don't know what you were on when you wrote this but I want some asap. I think I dig the third person more than just eve's point of view. I like seeing what other people's thoughts are, especially when it comes to Corey - that little fucker. He's really screwing things up isn't he?

I'm trying to put everything I know in the back of my mind and only go by what you've written so far.

hmm...now I must quote things. This might take a while.

"Kean was the flirt, but Oli was the mysterious one who had a tough exterior and believed in chivalry."
That sticks out to me for some reason. Just by pointing out that Kean would have been the one that she would have taken if she was looking for a good time, but that's not who she actually chose. I'm positive that I'm reading too much into this. But I love it anyway, so just let me run with it.

"and realized that there was a bigger picture to everything, even if he acted like there wasn't."
Yes hello, I love you.

"His interest had been still on the intricate chandelier located above their heads; gleaming in a bright royalty where they didn't belong."
Oh my god, this reminds me of the bingo thing soooo much. I just love how simple he is in everything, not really getting involved - just staring at pretty things.

I think that Matt might be going a bit hard on Oli and Corey though. Once again, I'm only going on what the story has told me and not what I actually know, but I think actually causing a public scene might be taking it too far. But I guess that's what we love about them right?
Plus, if something didn't go wrong then it would defeat the whole purpose of the awkwardness of the not so fancy group of people in the very fancy restaurant.

You know how obsessed with this I was, but you have reached above and beyond with this chapter. I think I might actually need to back off a bit just because I think I'm getting too attached, if at all possible.
Of course I'll never actually do that - I'm just saying that it would be wise of me.
<3

ahhh i love this
i need more
is there more
i have to know how it ends

Dude. You have may taste down to a fucking T. I LOVE THIS.
You were more than a little right with what I might enjoy, and once again, I'm blown away by your writing. I cannot believe this slipped through unoticed by me until now!

This is completely original, which is the hardest and toughest thing to find in 'fanfiction'.
I jotted down a few of my favourite parts in my mad hours long dash of reading this, there were literally dozens and dozens, so I'm gonna give you my two favourite quotes and then tell you have freakin' rad my favourite bits are...

'I'm sure that if you were to cut me open I would bleed confetti.

My heart would be a disco ball.
My intestines; a feathered boa'

WOOOAAAAHHHH.

&

"Wha' do yeh mean 'savages'? There are no respectable blokes 'ere love; yeh're bouncin' around in a car filled with dogs, darlin'"

Now for the bits I loved.

1) Oli's death was absolutely incredible, seriously, you can make my stomach churn like no other. I felt genuinely sad, I was almost tempted to peek between the gaps in my fingers again.

2) Oli and Eve together, the she described him being all over her, insatiable, but innocently so. LOVE.

3) Tom and the way he's quiet until he needs to kick someone back in line.

4) Corey. The fact that he looks so much like Oliver has me questioning something very important.

5) and above all, the whole fucking idea bro. It's so original. It's all very 1984 and V for Vendetta, which threw me at first, but from reading the whole thing I've fallen head over heels for it. It's so refreshing to not read the same cliches and the same 'boy meets girl' story. You've got the boy, you've got the girl and you've most definitely got the love. But it's different. There's skin and bones, theres flesh and muscle and tissue and veins, and genuine feeling. No character is a ghost and no scene leaves me wondering what the heck just happened.

I'm seriously sorry if this makes no sense, but I really cannot help gushing. I'm moving onto Immersion now, so prepare yourself for yet another epic comment.

I'm just about to send you links to two banners I've made as well. Tell me if you like/what you'd like different etc etc.

X

PS: update, for the love of god, update.

Okay. I can't believe this might be the first comment I've left on here, but I've been reading it since I officially started using this account.

And it's still just amazing as the first chapter I read all the way back when, mind you. I would love to pull some amazing quotes and leave you a huge pretty comment like Chelsie always can, but my brain's not quite up to par this evening, so I'm sorry if this sorta sucks.

At first I was nervous about the POV change, but I've done it myself in a story, so it wasn't so weird. I think I definitely like it much more in third, because you can really see how everyone's feeling now. For instance, everyone's thoughts on this Corey boy. I'm not quite sure how I feel about him, but I think I'll side with the rest of the guys and decide he's up to nothing but trouble. Of course what Chelsie said above me has me wondering.
And I must be really retarded, because I'm not seeing many dots yet. Hopefully more will appear soon as you post more chapters!

I really don't think that I need to go into detail about how much you amaze me, how much I envy you, or the fact that kidnapping you and running away to England is in my future plans.
So I'll just let that go.

However, this chapter (as you already knew) I love. Again with the foreshadowing - correction; Unintentional foreshadowing. It makes it even better that you didn't mean to be a God, because to me you're even more worthy that way.

"Ian, the father, found his son sleeping in an orange tunnel at the public playground"
Was that supposed to be cute? Because I still think it's one of the most adorable things in the world. I just imagine him all cuddled up with the mini snores that we talked about - amazing.

I still cant believe that people have connected more dots with this, I mean I'm retarded and I even figured it out kinda before I got the official word from you.
But Corey, even though he pisses everybody off, is sort of amazing in his own way. I mean, he obviously looks like one of the most perfect beings on the planet (minus tattoo's). Plus the kid's got courage - Matt, Tom, and co. just need to be less of a bunch of pussies.

Was I not supposed to support Corey?
Oops :)

okay I gotta admit, i was really confused at the beginning...first I thought it was still from evelyns point of view, then I realized it was not, then I thought this was something about the past when the boys were still in sheffield or something, an then at the end I finally figured it out and read it again xD

well, now that I understand the chapter:
1. I really liked that you updated :) I hope you'll update jesus on the dashboard, soon, too :)
2. I liked to see the boys behaviour without evelyn around,...it's not much different, but it was good that you wrote about it
3. it's interesting to know what each of the guys think of the oli-fake, especially oli...

so yeah all in all I loved this chapter :D

Great as always. Really happy you updated I was beginning to miss this story.

gosh O_O ive only read the first chapter & holy bloody shit!
im totally hooked now & so upset what happened to oliver D:
nooo. okayapkayo got to read the rest seeing as i need to know what happens!

This is getting good, I almost forget that I have it all figured out when I read it because it's so different than how I see it in my head. Your way of telling it is way better than mine though, so I'm not bitching.

Oli's driving was priceless. I dont love the fact that he's having temper tantrums, kind of, but the one that he actually had made me smile. I'm pretty sure that I've done the same thing to my mother when she's bitching at me - then she bitches more because I stopped in the middle of the road. I like to now that that I have something in common with him, even if it is fiction.

A Christmas laced in disaster. How do you come up with this shit? Einstein.

Great Chapter!! Poor Curtis everyone picks on him. :( Wow seven left.

Firstly, this update was fantastic.
I like this story a whole lot more in third person.

Secondly, I smiled seeing a link to my story in there.
lol
You're not an asshole! You'll get to it when you get to it. :)