Come on, Look Me in the Bloodshot Eyes - Comments

  • Ashlee Simpson

    Ashlee Simpson (100)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    33
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    Thank you very much for your entry to the 'Dear Jack' contest I enjoyed reading your entry. The places have been awarded and you can find out who the winners are if you go to the 'Dear Jack thread'.

    What I enjoyed about your oneshot was that straight away you drew a link to the song that you chose to write about.

    You have an interesting narrative voice and it's very satirical and amusing, Oh, was she ever stealing money for kinky toys and such for her new boyfriend. He was only 17, in comparison to her husband's 33 years behind him. that really made me laugh, you are very good at writing sarcasm and that's not always easy to do.

    Just make sure that you start speech on a new line because sometimes the speech had a tendency to get lost in the paragraphs.

    You show a lot of potential as an author and I'll keep checking back to read some more of your work. So thank you very much for taking the time to write this one shot I enjoyed reading it.
    June 1st, 2009 at 12:31am