Firefly - Comments

This was beautiful. There was so much emotion, even with it being a rather short piece. You could feel Kyo's hurt and sympathize with him. I wanted to hug them both, mercilessly. ;~;

“Am I beautiful yet, Kyo?” He asks, looking at you, no, through you. He stares through you, his eyes glazed over.
Oh, my heart. That's so perfect and yet so tragic at the same time. I can see, quite clearly, Daisuke's eyes, large and doe-like, in my head, and I can feel Kyo's heartbreak and sadness and disgust all at once.

You want to scream at him, tell him he isn’t fucking beautiful, tell him that he’s a broken, disgusting wreck of a human being and you wish you could just leave him. But you can’t, Kyo. You can’t. And it breaks your heart.
So perfect. Kyo's so torn and...

It was beautiful.
I might stalk some more of your stories. :arms:

I cried. Tis was so beautiful!

I cried. Tis was so beautiful!

I've put a link to this on my profile, I hope you don't mind.

This was such a contrast to the last thing I read and reviewed, it's so sad and it just makes me want to hug Die so much. This made me cry, and there's only ever been one story that's made me cry before now on mibba. This was just...it was beautiful and I applaud you for writing it. Your writing is breathtaking in this and I really feel Die's hurt. I know what it's like to feel like that. Wow. This is one of the best things I've read on mibba, for sure. Wow. I'm kind of speechless, I hope this review doesn't turn out all crap.

Opening was great, and how it slowly elaborated. It wasn't just days that Die had been like this, it was months, and I think that's what makes it more hard hitting, the fact that it's not just going to go away with a click of fingers. Die's broken, and he needs fixing, but the results aren't going to be instant. It's going to take time, and I don't think Die believes that he has time. Hence why it wasn't explicitly said exactly how long Die had felt like that.

And how he hugs himself. He wants to show himself affection because I get the impression that he doesn't get overly much from Kyo. And by hugging himself he tries to tell himself that he's wanted by somebody, but it's a poor substitute and I can't help feeling sorry for him. He's a broken man, all skin and bones, and Kyo doesn't know what to do about it because he's drifting away from him.

This line was just so...saddenning. It sickens you, but you keep quiet and listen to him breathing softly in your arms. Kyo doesn't like this, not one bit, but he still holds Die in his arms and I think he wishes that things could be better. He wishes for better times, like what had happened in the past. He wants his old Die back. The words breathing softly are quite significant, I think that they show that Die's only completely happy when he's asleep.

And how the sound reassures him that Die's alive. This is so saddening and Die's so far gone that Kyo worries with each day that he continues to live, in case that it will soon be Die's last.

You drift off to sleep and escape to the depths of your dreams, where nothing can hurt you. Not even him. Oh god. This...this was the line that made me start to cry. It shows that Kyo's struggling to hold everything together, he's hurting with everyday because of what Die is doing. And he's trying to hide behind a smile, because he's scared of Die doing something stupid if he thinks that all isn't right with Kyo.

This shows that Kyo, although things aren't great between him and Die, always puts Die before himself. You’re shattered but it doesn't matter. He knows he's broken, but he also knows that Die is more broken so he feels like he's not a priority in a way. Which is really heartbreaking.

But what Kyo does isn't enough, and I think that Die is beyond repair. You can't stop him from breaking, no matter how hard you try. It shows that Kyo has tried; he's tried so hard, but it's never enough and Die is just falling into pieces around him. This was another bit that made me cry, because Kyo's just so helpless and doesn't know what to do any more. Poor Kyo.

I think that Kyo is the one that I empathise most with, in this drabble, because he's just so lost and has no idea what he can do any more. I think that in some ways, he's more broken than Die because Die's made him that way. If that makes sense?

This line was a heartbreaker. His brown eyes wide and hopeful. It's like Die thinks he has something to prove to Kyo by losing all this weight, and he wants Kyo to want him like this. Because I believe that Die knows that something isn't quite right, deep down inside himself. And how he asks Kyo if he's beautiful. He's so insecure and it just isn't right. And the way his eyes are glazed over...I wonder if he truly believes it, too.

Kyo seems to be having some sort of mental battle with himself. He wants Die to know exactly how he feels, but he's petrified of the results. He wants to tell Die to stop but he doesn't know how Die will take it. And I think these last three paragraphs are the most significant. I believe that Kyo loves Die, but he doesn't love Die when he's like this. And how it breaks his heart. Just...

Kyo doesn't like Die hurting. Besides, you couldn’t bear to see the expression that would flicker across his gentle features if you did. That pain, that sorrow, as he realises yet again that he just isn’t good enough. He wants Die to be happy, and I think that his downfall is that he believes that if he tells Die he's beautiful then he'll stop. But Die never does and he never thinks he's good enough, no matter what Kyo says otherwise.

The last line pretty much summed up the whole thing. So, you attempt to smile, which results in a crooked and unpleasant sneer and say “You were always beautiful, Daisuke.” I think it could have done with a comma after sneer, but that's just my opinion. But regardless, this last line is still perfect, what with Kyo attempting to smile, but he just sneers instead. I love how he said it in past tense, and how he uses Die's full name. The fact that he said it in past tense implies to Die that he's not beautiful any more, yet doesn't explicitly say it, which is good. The way that you crafted it was amazing.

This was amazing and I'm kind of speechless. This was amazing. <33

This made me cry, so much.
It's got so much emotion to it and, oh god, Becky.
I've never cried so much before in my life over a story.
Just the fact that, Kyo, wants to leave, Daisuke, but can't.
It's so beautiful.

At night, your fingers dance over his ribcage, rising and falling over the curves of his bones.
That is such a beautiful line, seriously. So, so, beautiful. Just, it's got such a good image to it.
As "sick" as you may find it, but it really is a beautiful, beautiful line.

I love how, in my opinion, you've made it that Kyo is talking to himself.
It really shows how his mind sort...of thinks? Like, you can see what he's really thinking but yet he chooses to lie to, Daisuke.

I feel really, really sorry for, Daisuke. The fact that Kyo just wants to scream at him.
I just want to hug him so tightly and never let him go.
It really does bring tears to my eyes.
I don't see how they fans could have done that. They're not much of "fans" when you think about it.

"Am I beautiful yet, Kyo?"
Just...
God, Becky. Why do you make me cry with your stories?!

I'm not great with reviews, so I didn't even attempt a review. I suck so bad at them.
But I loved it. I really, really did. So emotional and so great. It made me cry, which is the best thing a story can do.
I seriously am glad I read this. :cute:
Even if it was short. Length doesn't matter. You managed to get so much emotion in such a little story. :cute:
:arms: :arms:

Sorry if this comment sucked.