June 1st, 2009 at 12:33am
Review number two! I'm on a roll! :tehe: I'm in a reviewing mood tonight so thought I'd do a few of your stories. :tehe:
I liked how you wrote this. You've got a real knack of making believeable characters and you can really get into their heads and show what they're thinking. It shows what a great writer you are and the fact that you can do this so consistently in every story you write really shows off your talent. :arms:
The way you constructed this was really clever, too. Like, it was present-day at the start. Then it went a year back in time. And then it was back to present-day, to resolve everything. That was really clever, I like it when stories revisit the start at the end.
I love the optimism in the opening. The warm winter air was like heaven against her skin. I thought it was clever how you wrote this, because a lot of this oneshot is quite angsty and filled with dark emotion. It gives the reader hope, and it lifts the oneshot up a bit, so it's not really sad all the way through. And I liked that. Although I love sad stories, I like when there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Like there was at the end of this.
In the first paragraph, this line really stood out to me. She was looking forward to being taken care of, and not having anything left to worry about. It made me wonder what had happened in order to make her worry and be unable to live a life that she really wanted to. And the fact that she was excited made me smile, for some reason. :tehe:
I suddenly felt sorry for her when it was all revealed about her situation, the fact that she'd been a part of the terrorist attacks in New York. That must have been really scary for her, not knowing if she'd survive or not, and it would take a very strong person to come out of the other side, which she managed to in the end. Like, she's not the same person she used to be - memories of that horrific and tragic day were imprinted on her memory - but she's strong for getting past it all, even if she has been mentally scarred by it all.
And this reiterates what I just said. the sound still rung inside her ears She still remembers exactly what happened, as if it was yesterday, and I have a feeling that it's not something she can escape from. It's something that she'll always live with and although she's over the worst of it, she'll never be completely free of the fear, and the worry of wondering whether she'd survive or not. It must have been terrifying.
I thought this was ironic. She was on her way to becoming a doctor. I thought the fact that she was going to be a doctor quite symbolic because of the fact that so many people lost their lives and it was like she was helpless to them. It makes me wonder whether that's one of the reasons why this has haunted her so much and made her unable to cope.
And then she hid away, which made me sad. The thought of facing up to it chilled her to the bone. She doesn't want to face up to the fact that she many people died so she hid herself away, in the hope that one day she'd wake up and it would all be a bad dream, that it had all just been a nightmare and it all hadn't happened. But I think that she knows deep down inside herself that she couldn't hide forever.
I liked the way this was described. It was December twentieth when Justine finally snapped. The way you used the word snapped implies that she knew things couldn't go on that way. And so she took matters into her hands and booked a flight home. This was good and made me feel happy because it's obvious that she needs somebody to help her, and by going home she'd get the help and reassurance that she needs.
It was good how you touched on her fear still being there. She swallowed two sleeping pills and slept deeply through the flight. Like, she didn't just wake up one morning and all her fear was all gone. It has to be done in baby steps, especially with something as big as this, and I'm glad that you mentioned this because it makes the story so much more realistic.
The ending of the story, when she returns to John, was absolutely perfect. He was the one who was going to erase the bad memories and replace them with shiny, new, good ones. She has hope in John and she's really missed him. I think he's somebody she's really relied on in the past, and he's also somebody that she'll be able to rely on in times to come. It's sweet that he's able to do that and it shows that he must be a really great person to her.
Adored this. If this doesn't win then I'll be very surprised.
You have just cordially been awarded second place for the 'Dear Jack' contest
Oooh Laura you chose my most loved Jack's song so I knew even before I read the first line that I was going to love it.
I really liked the fact that there were clear references to the song and that you took the ideas of the song but then made them yours and kept them original. I must say I'm glad you chose not to write it directly about Andrew and his battle with cancer and having it from a girls point of view was fantastic too.
Once again your descriptive writing wins at everything. The scene in the subway is so effectively described and not at all clique. I like how you keep it quite simple by not going overboard as that could have ruined it, I could really sense the claustrophobia and this line seriously rattled me The stench of death still tingled her nostrils, the memory of the toxic fumes still suffocated her. SO so so effective.
I really enjoyed the back story to Justine and how she deals with the aftermath of the attacks, once again it's not at all clique and I love how you didn't explicitly state how she cried. In a way having a character shut off like that was interesting to read and I reckon you created another really original character, who is very much human and you can see that when it says It was December twentieth when Justine finally snapped
I loved the reunion with John, it was very touching and I loved how you underplayed it slightly by giving John a grand total of two words. Other people would have had one of those big speeches but no not you, and I rally liked that.
Of course finishing it with the most important line from that song was a fantastic idea, and it rounded it off well.
So thank you very much for entering the contest and writing this for me.
Get in touch so you can claim your prize ok?