Those English Boys - Comments

This was great as a one-shot, but I do hope you turn it into a small story!

Aww. This was cute and very enjoyable to read. What I liked best was that it didn't seem like fanfiction to me. In fact, if you change the name and change and add a few details, its not fanfiction at all.

Also, I think English accents are hot.

And I like Jac. She's...normal. And its very difficult to find a normal OFC these days. She really is just an average brunnette with no angst or baggage and I like that. I think that's very cool. I also like her relationship with her grandmother and I lovelovelove the fact that all the minor characters have their own personalities.

This one line made me laugh, "Are you going to watch people eating each other instead of sushi?". Your style is simple and straightforward. The ending, I thought was perfect. And you described her exploits very...interestingly, for lack of a better word. She's funny and quirky and I like how you played on all the stereotypes.

I like the description of the American boys too. It gives the story this kind of...flair. Like, she's got her head so up in the clouds that she actually considers famous musicians. And you managed to subvert the cliched plotline of a band member spotting her amongst the crowd and blah blah blah. So, props on that.

But in the beginning somewhere you have a typo. You put "loosing" instead of "losing". And in the chapter title, capitalize Boys Will Be Boys. It gives an amateurish impression otherwise. It puts the reader off and your story definitely does not deserve to be shirked.

Overall, good job. =D

Sorry this took me a little while. This was really good and I love the way you constructed it all. It flowed really well throughout and I love the attention you paid to detail.

The opening was great, what with Jac's grandma telling her to be careful of english boys when Jac kind of wants to do the opposite - even though she knows it's a bad idea. :tehe: Already, from just reading the first paragraph, it shows that this is going to be an interesting read and it made me want to read on.

I liked Jac's expectations for the future, the fact that she was definitely going to fall in love with an english boy and never look back. I'm the same in a way, except that I have a thing for welshmen, one sound of their accent and I'm bloody gone! :tehe: Anyway.

The introduction of Robert was quite sad. He's not quite at ease with the celebrity lifestyle he leaves and I think he often wishes that he could just stay inside and hide from the world. I don't think he's one of those people who craves attention. You've written him incredibly well, he's a very believable person. And like how he shaved off his "Edward hair" shows that he isn't at ease with his own identity.

I liked how he was such a gentleman with Jac, what with getting her a taxi and stuff. :tehe:

I've subscribed in case this turns into a chaptered.

Oh and by the way sorry my feedback was kinda shitty. Everything I do today isn't turning out very well :tehe:

:arms:

story review game

CEDRIC DIGGORY ! sorreh couldn’t control myself :tehe:

Firstly, I love love love this because it’s Robert pattison and it’s written by you so it’s bound to be better than bloody fried gold! Anyway. This automatically from the first line made me think of the Brand New lyrics ‘tell all the English boys you meet..” even if that song has nothing to do with anything.. but again..i’m wandering off the point here sorry!

‘simply because those boys created such woes for the two women it was impossible not to talk about them.’ Ahh I love this, that the ‘english boys’ get their own little grouping and that their actually bad the point where their affecting, and have affected actual different generations. It automatically makes you question –jesus how bad can these boys be?- :tehe:

‘after she had been dating him for four months. He had been faithful for about two’makes me want to slap him really :file:, for some reason I really like this line. It’s like a variation on just saying he cheated on her for two months, sorry odd little point here :]

‘Jac decided that English boys were a species all to themselves.’ I love how this is separated from everything else, and how you carry this kind of idea of them being a separate species all the way through, ‘English boys’ seem a class all their own and she seems be like an expert on this particular species, and that’s she’s somehow studied, them and knows their quirks and their pitfalls. Makes me think of a twisted david Attenborough :tehe: sorry I’m weird. But I adore the way your work that through the piece, it’s really effective

‘The last man who held a door open for Jac was a man in his late sixties.’ I really like Jac as a character, she’s kind of hopeless but real in a sense where you can relate to her, and I love how your narration makes her come across as kind of bitter and mildly sarcastic. She’s a great, engaging main character and that makes you fall into the story. Plus I love this line, it’s really kind of accusatory, like asking them to step up the plate and actually play the part of a gentleman. Plus playing all these beautiful English boys off against an old dude, brilliant.

‘yet the majority of their Friday nights were spent passed out in some pub with a random girl on their lap, and there was nothing righteous or noble about it.’ Oh how well do I know some of those English boys myself xD. Prats :tehe:, I love this, your writing is so real in such a comfortable way, nothings ever forced. I adore it :]

‘In her daydreams some French or Italian dream man would sweep her off her feet and after a series of romantic dates he would agree to stay in London for her and live with her in a penthouse flat overlooking the river Thames’ sorry massive chunk, Just to say, I love the dream imagery here it’s exactly what god knows how many girls probably have on their minds when they think of handsome strangers, things like this are why Jac’s so relatable, you just wanna go –oh I feel exactly the same way dear- :tehe:

‘The French men could not speak much English, the German men only spoke of themselves in that horrendous accent and the Italians were all chauvinistic pigs who wore their hair gelled back.’Poor girl she try’s everything and still comes up short, by now as a reader I was like buzzing for when her hero was going to come in and sweep her off her feet. :tehe:

'Jac finally allowed herself to think that finally she had found her kind of boy.’ She so dedicated to finding the best type of boy, I love how you switch this and she ends up with one of the despised English boys anyhow. The irony’s fantastic.

‘So band boys were out of the question.’It’s kind of like a strange check list of types she’ll try and then discard, constantly being disappointed, it all adds up to a rather saddening idea, that out of all the boys of all the world she can’t find her one..well not that this point anyway ;tehe

‘Maybe it was time to consider the idea of a convent.’ I like ho0w she’s actually deadly serious about something everyone jokes about when it comes to being unlucky in love. Like looking into it and at the leaflets, she seems to of given up and you kind of feel sorry for watching her determination die on her, it’s rather disheartening, but just adds to the stories effect and it’s conclusion :]

I’d just like to add that I love that R Pattz is himself in this, as in not being Rpattz the normal guy or Edward or Cedric. He’s being the new , readily famous actor and I like how you handle it, you make him very human and the state the fact that his newfound fame is kind of taking him off guard, I really do like it, it’s like you know him so well.

‘But of course you had to be in someone else’s shoes to see if the grass was really greener on the other side’ awwh poor pattz. I like how you express even he has his problems and the fact it’s his friend who hasn’t got half his breaks, making to cheer him up. Usually I would have agreed with the friend point of view but you warm the reader to seeing things Roberts way. Very niceee <3

‘the LA girls.’ What did I say about you carryin on the whole ‘tribes/species thing’ like the groups are a class of their own, the fact Robert see’s LA girl like she ses English boys or band guys is brilliant. I really like how they just see them as these mass groups of flawed people and they both have the same perspective :tehe:

‘He knew that Robert didn’t just want to be Edward Cullen;’ I like how you don’t make it all abou the romantic aspects, that characterization plays a major role and their own thoughts and feelings, it makes it more plausible and easier to get caught up in (like I was for the duration of this I’m telling you :tehe:

‘“You have got to be kidding me,” the girl muttered angrily to herself ‘ I love it because it’s a classic moment and you make it work, you sweep the clihe straight out of it and automatically I’m going ‘go Rpatzz go save the girl!’ like a complete fool :lmfao: because somehow you get absolutely stuck on the idea of the fact English boys must have some exceptions to their ranks :tehe:

‘Robert in his gentleman like manner yanked on the cab door and held it open for Jac.’ Eee and added to her claims of all talk no chivalry, he seems to be the exact gyuy she’s lookinf or, I’m a sucker for a good solid happy ending and this one was perfect.

Basically to summarize, your characterization is amazing, and this is one of the best Rpattz fics I’ve ever read :] I have no crit to add because really, it’s brilliant, and ridiculously engaging. You take a plot a lesser writer could muff up totally and make it your own, make it great. I’m really quite in love with this, I’m subscribing just in case it does develop into a story which would be brillaint by the way :cute:

xxx

I was a Cedric fan, not so much Edward, but I'll get on with what I hope will be an epic comment and not me rambling on about which fictional character is better. :tehe:

I reaaaaally loved this. It was different in a very realistic way. I'm positive I've had dreams of being with some foreign boy before, like I'm sure manyyyy of us have. I liked how you went through the motions of Jac wanting to find someone, and even though she really wanted someone, it didn't make her sound desperate. Neither of them sounded desperate to be honest, they just wanted someone to share their lives with, which is completely normal. So yeah, I'm glad you wrote it like that oppose to 'OMG I LIKE NEED A BOYFRIEND NOWWW' kinda thing.

I liked how Jac tried all she could and how she tried men from all corners of the earth, well most. The way you listed the French, German and Italian guys, I just had these images that fit each one perfectly. And after reading that I was waiting for the Americans to pop up, although I was surprised you slipped band boys in, I was expecting tourists wandering around London.

I liked the two friends. How they wanted Jac and Robert to be happy, yet they both tried to distract them from what they really wanted. It was sweet in a protective way, like they didn't want them to get hurt. I loved the sushi restaurant and how upset Jac was that they'd gone there, with all the couples surrounding them. Reaaaally nice work with that, just rubs it in her face that little bit more.

Now I loved the ending. How Jac came across as the twenty first century damsel in distress with her heel breaking, and Robert swiftly came to her rescue. It tied it all up very nicely, and placed a pretty bow on top. (:

But I love how you've left it open for us readers to decide whether anything more happened between them or whether the rescue was just it, and that's how it was left. I really would love to read this if you made it into a full length story, so you have to let me know if you do decide to carry on with it all.

Oh, and I loved the title, as silly as it sounds. It just reminds me of something my grandma would say, which could be what you're going for, what with her grandma being involved in the story as well. I don't know.

Lovely stuff anyway, nice and fluffy.